


My Bad

by ridsyd



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Badass Reader, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Kylo Ren, Smut, assassin reader, her name is Yara Scott, she's dope trust me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:20:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22020958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ridsyd/pseuds/ridsyd
Summary: It’s not that you believed in the First Order’s mission of conquering the entire galaxy. To be quite honest, you didn’t have the energy to be bothered by it. Such was the way of things. Different people fighting for power in the name of whatever ideals they deem right. To be completely real, you were just fucking bored. So, in the spirit of spontaneity, when the big, bad Order came a-knockin’ on your door, how could you refuse? It had been awhile since you faced a real challenge.****alternative summary: a bad bitch gives kylo ren a run for his money
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 99
Kudos: 326





	1. My bad for helping. Asshole.

**Author's Note:**

> Yoooo. So this is my first fic ever. Thanks for checking it out! I've read like 300 fanfics on here since the first movie came out and I've been itching to write my own. No time like the present! I hope you enjoy :)

It’s not that you believed in the First Order’s mission of conquering the entire galaxy. To be quite honest, you didn’t have the energy to be bothered by it. Such was the way of things. Different people fighting for power in the name of whatever ideals they deem right. To be completely real, you were just fucking _bored._ So, in the spirit of spontaneity, when the big, bad order came a-knockin’ on your door, _how_ could you refuse? It had been awhile since you faced a real challenge. 

You remembered the moment fondly. A _knockknockknock_ on your door followed by the overwhelmingly bright red hair of a certain General Hux who just _happened_ to hear of your impeccable track record of successful assassinations through whatever grapevine. Yes, it was true. You really were that good. You knew it, and apparently, so did the First Order.

“Yara Scott, I presume?” the gingerbread man inquired, showing off that he knew your birth name. _An intimidation tactic? Or is he trying to impress me,_ you pondered _._ You decided on the latter. 

“Impressive,” you leaned against the door frame, cocking your head to the side. Flattery was his greatest weakness, that was plain to see. “Then again, I’d be disappointed if the First Order’s esteemed General Hux didn’t know how to do his research,” you smiled endearingly. 

Hux’s face flushed a bright red. You knew the effect you had on men. It was a weapon you mastered long ago. “Won’t you come in,” you offered, gesturing inside your temporary hideout. You didn’t stay in one place for long. All the more impressive they found you. Hux paused as his lips parted, flustered. He faltered for only a moment before collecting himself and walked inside followed by the two stormtroopers trailing him. 

_Too easy._

He looked around your “home,” taking in the array of weapons lining the walls and splayed across the floor. 

“What do I owe the pleasure, _General?”_ You asked, shaking him from his thoughts.

The impeccably dressed man cleared his throat and turned toward you. “A job offer.” 

_How interesting._

You sauntered up to him, stopping only a foot away. You reached out to adjust one of the many medals pinned to his uniform. It wasn’t crooked, you just wanted him to think it was. A power play. You smoothed your hand down his chest and looked innocently into his eyes. He shuffled his feet slightly, that pathetic blush making a reappearance. 

“I’m listening.”

So, here you were. Unpacking your belongings in your brand spankin’ new quarters. You had to admit, they were rather impressive. More rooms than you’ve ever really needed. It was lacking in color, but impressive nonetheless. You preferred black to most colors anyways. Aside from yellow. You loved yellow. 

The pair of stormtroopers that had accompanied Hux set down the last boxes containing your belongings on the floor and asked if there was anything else they could do for you. 

“No thanks. I’ve got it from here.” You put up your hand for a high-five. The troopers stared at it, unmoving.

“Are you for real gonna leave me hanging?” you asked, annoyed with a raised eyebrow. “That’s pretty shitty,” you pouted. The troopers glanced at each other and slowly raised their hands. You beamed and slapped your palm against their gloved ones. “Thank you! Now get out, I must tend to my lair.”

***

Three hours later, your lair was coming together quite nicely. It was already stocked with the essentials when you first arrived. Kitchen appliances, couches, a bed, stuff for the fresher, so on and so forth. All you really had to do was mount your babies on the walls. 

“There,” you said with satisfaction as you hung up the last blaster. You took a step back to admire your work. Blasters, knives, rifles, some random swords you stole from whoever you killed, bow and arrows, grenades and whatever else you’d collected over the years lined the walls. Each of them special in their own way. 

_I don't think I’ve seen anything sexier._

A yawn clawed its way out your throat as you looked at your watch. _22:00 already? Damn, time flies when you’re giving HGTV a run for its money._

You started to make your way to the ‘fresher when you heard a loud **_clang_** outside your door. _Interesting._ A muffled “ _owww,”_ and a hushed “ _shut up!”_ followed soon after. _Even more interesting._

Your insatiable curiosity was a blessing and a curse, and it was currently getting the best of you.

Your door made a quiet _swoosh_ as it slid open. You peered outside only to discover two rather disheveled men. One was in the process of picking himself off the ground as the other pinched the bridge of his nose, a pained look on his face. Both sported very ill-fitting First Order uniforms. 

_Now what do we have here?_

“Pull yourself together,” the better-balanced one of the pair harshly whispered. “His room is on this floor, we’re _this_ close.”

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry,” the other whispered back. He looked at the comm link strapped to his wrist. “Intel says its at the end of the hall. Room 001. He isn’t supposed to be back until 24:00.”

“We get in, we place the bombs, we get out.”

“And the world can say goodbye to Kylo Ren.” The two idiots high-fived. Your eyes practically rolled out of your head.

_Wow. These guys are worse than… Jesus i don’t even know what to compare them to._

Your first day on the job and already you’ve happened upon some excitement. How fun! 

You stepped out into the hallway. Sure, you were only in a tight tank top and pajama shorts, but you could hardly wait! When would an incredible opportunity such as this present itself so easily again? Hell, you didn’t even have a weapon. You missed the feel of cracking bones under your knuckles anyways.

You stalked up behind the world’s worst assassins as the approached room 001, footsteps quiet as dust until you were only a foot or so behind them. 

“Hello boys,” you purred. The idiots whipped around to face you, practically jumping out of their skin.

_Pathetic._

Before they could react you swiped your leg under the clumsy one’s feet and sent him tumbling back to the ground. You jumped backwards as the other swung at you, missing terribly. You grabbed his wrist, using his momentum against him and flipped him over your shoulder. A loud **_CRACK_** echoed throughout the metal hall as his back hit the ground. 

“Oof, that didn’t sound too good.” You feigned sympathy as his friend began to charge you from behind. 

_Three, two, one._

You sidestepped at the last second, allowing the man to crash head first into the wall. _Hahahaha._ You kicked at the back of his knee as he stumbled back, a scream tearing from his throat. The snap of his ACL music to your adorable little ears. A swift kick to his ribs sent him fully to the ground. 

You looked down at the two men shriveled on the ground in pain. Satisfied with your handiwork, you dusted off your hands and stepped toward their target’s door. You raised your hand to knock, but before you could make contact the door **_wooshed_ ** open, revealing a very dark and _very_ tall human form. 

Your eyes traveled up the ominous figure until they landed on a the very mask the entire galaxy learned to fear. 

Kylo Ren. 

He looked down at you, a confused expression on his face. Well, you assumed a confused expression. You’d be pretty confused too. The deep slits of the mask took you in, standing in all your pajama’d glory, and then glanced behind you. He cocked his head to the side, saying nothing as his gaze returned to you.

“Seems you’re home early,” you joked. 

Silence.

_Tough crowd._

One of the men behind you made a move to stand. “You’re _evil,”_ he screamed. “The resistance will bring an end to the First Or-” You cut him off with a swift roundhouse kick to the head, knocking him out. 

_Dude, give it up already._

Suddenly the door to your left whipped open and a very disgruntled General Hux stepped out rubbing his sleep-filled eyes. 

“ _What in the galaxy is happening out h-”_ he began, pausing when his eyes adjusted to the light.

You smiled in his direction. “My apologies, General. It seems some silly little rebels thought they’d bomb the Commander's room or something.”

Hux’s jaw dropped slightly as he took in the scene.

“No biggie really,” you shrugged. “I was bored anyways.”

You turned back to the Commander, a subtle smile on your lips. “Sorry for waking you.” 

With that, you turned on your heel and headed back to your quarters. 

“Who is she?” Ren asked, his voice distorted by the mask. 

“Yara Scott,” Hux smirked. “My newest recruit. A world-class assassin and the woman that very well may have just saved your life.” 

“I could have taken care of it myself!” Kylo snarled.

“Well then,” he smirked. “It seems she beat you to it.”

A loud growl echoed outside your room as you stepped into the ‘fresher. You rolled your eyes. Typical alpha male. 

_Well then._ **_My bad_ ** _for helping. Asshole._


	2. An unexpected turn of events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, your heart had taken new residency in your throat and you were absolutely scared. Real life scared, for the first time in a long time. Snoke’s eyes moved back to you, still stuck at the foot of his throne. “You are different, Yara Scott. The Force does not lie. There is great potential in you.”
> 
> You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know how to speak anymore. Nothing was working. Nothing made sense. This didn’t make any sense. Questions. You had questions. A lot of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo doesn't like when you steal Snoke's attention

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

_What the fuck is that?!_

Half asleep, you reached over and slammed your fist on whatever it was that **_dared_ **wake you from the coziest slumber you’d ever had. You rubbed your eyes and looked over.

_Oops._

You made a mental note to ask Hux for a new alarm clock. It seemed yours was quite indisposed at the moment. 

_Preferably one with an alarm that didn’t sound like a screaming bantha._

You sat up in your bed with a yawn. Without a clock you had no clue what time it was. That fact that you were in space didn’t help. You looked out the window in your room. It was pretty, you liked the white twinkles splattered across the sea of black. But sunshine was yellow. You loved yellow. 

Shrugging your shoulders, you hopped out of bed. Whatever time it was, your new employer deemed it time to get up. Stretching your arms high above your head and reaching down to touch your toes, you noticed your body had never felt so good after a full night’s sleep. Who knew the Order could treat people so well?

 _Now that I think about it, I’m on the same floor as both Hux_ **_and_ ** _Mr. Angry. How the hell high up in the ranks am I?_

You made a mental note to ask. High up enough to get a better goddamn alarm clock. _That_ you were sure of. 

A knock on your door shook you from your thoughts. You skipped over and pressed the ‘open’ button. With a _woosh,_ your door slid away to reveal and stormtrooper with a small box in their hand.

“Hello!” You smiled. 

The trooper seemed taken aback by your friendliness. After a beat, he held the box out to you. “Your comm link. Your schedule has been programmed and will tell you where you need to go and when. Hux expects you dressed and ready on the Bridge at 07:00.”

“What time is it now?”

“06:30.”

 _Well_ **_thanks_ ** _for the heads up!_

You snatched the box out of his hand and ran to the ‘fresher. Throwing your thick hair up so it wouldn’t get wet, you stepped in and **_moaned_ ** at the feeling of actual hot water hitting your skin. _Ohmygod the water presssuuuurrrre._

You wished you could enjoy the moment for longer than 4 minutes but, alas, the gingerbread man was waiting.

After the fastest shower of your life you wrapped yourself in a towel and rummage through your closet. Black, black, black, _oooo dark gray,_ black and more black. 

You went with the black.

You slid on a pair of leggings and long-sleeved tunic. Looking in the mirror you undid your bun, deciding to go with a high ponytail. Your long hair cascaded down between your shoulder blades. _Bitch i’m cute._

After throwing on your boots and securing the comm link on your wrist, you were ready. 

As you exited your room, a familiar voice called out behind you. 

“Ah, Ms. Scott. Glad to see you up and ready.”

You turned to find Hux, not a hair out of place, exiting his room and walking toward you. 

“Good morning, General,” you smiled. “Please, call me Yara.”

“Then I insist you call me Hux,” he replied as he stopped in front of you. 

“I’ll try my best to remember that, sir.” _Flattery._ “I mean, Hux.” 

A light blush dusted his cheeks. _Damn, how long has it been since he’s had contact with a female?_

He cleared his throat and looked away.

You decided on a long time.

A **_woosh_ **behind you followed by a deep robotic rumble grabbed your attention. 

“How sweet of you to be so cordial, Hux.”

His blush deepened. “They’re called _formalities,_ Ren. Not that you would know anything about that.” 

The mountain of a man strode toward the two of you. Hux gestured toward you. “Might I officially introduce the two of you-”

“I know who she is,” Kylo cut him off. You raised an eyebrow. 

“I see my reputation precedes me,” you quipped. “Remind me of your name again?”

Hux snorted, quickly trying to disguise it as a cough. You smirked. Though his face was hidden, you could tell Ren was fuming under that hunk of metal. 

_Oh, be still my joyous heart._

You turned back toward Hux, determined not to give Mr. Angry more of your attention as he stormed off, fists clenched. 

“I received my comm link this morning. Thank you for programming it.” You held out your wrist with a flourish. 

“Ah,” he replied. “Splendid. Shall we go over your schedule?”

“We shall.” 

***

_Train, eat, train, eat, train, sleep, train, go on whatever mission you were assigned to, kill some people, eat, sleep, wash and repeat. Easy enough to remember._

The two of you had been walking the halls as he explained what felt like the entire First Order employee manual. You weren’t sure where you were going, but you tried to keep mental notes of the endless corridors. _Maybe I should ask for a map._

“Do you have any questions?” Hux asked as he stopped outside a set of giant metal doors and pushed them open revealing a _very_ impressive training room. 

You stepped inside, taking in the state of the art facility. 

“Yeah, is there any way I could get a new alarm clock?”

Hux looked at you, confusion written on his face. 

“Mine is, uh, a little bit kind of broken...” 

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t question you, whipping out a data pad. “I’ll see to that for you.”

_Yay Hux!_

“Thank you!” you said cheerfully. 

As he typed he led you further into the facility. 

“All your training will be held here,” Hux gestured around him, face full of pride. 

“It’s incredible,” you said. And you truly meant it. You’d never seen anything like it. 

“I thought you might be impressed.”

You nodded. “Very. Hey, what kind of training anyways? I’m pretty well-rounded.”

“We will address that at our next destination. Follow me, please.”

Hux began walking toward the door.

 _Um okay?_ “Where to?”

“The throne room.”

_Oh._

“Supreme Leader Snoke is eager to meet you.”

_Well shit._

***

Hux led the way to an even _bigger_ pair of metal doors. He paused before them, glancing at you.

You stared at him.

_Silence._

“...What?”

His lips pressed together, brow creasing. 

“Don’t tell me you’re nervous,” you teased. Hux scoffed, looking at you incredulously. 

“I most certainly am not! I just wanted to make sure _you_ weren’t.”

_What kind of question is that?_

Sure, this was quite possibly the craziest thing you’ve ever done. Meeting the Supreme Leader and all that jazz. _Who woulda thunk me of all people?_ To be honest, you didn’t know what to expect, and because of that, you really didn’t know _how_ to feel. 

“Ummmm. Am I supposed to be?”

Hux pondered your question. “Well, I suppose not.”

 _Should_ you be nervous? Scared? Anxious? Honored?

_Honored. That’s the answer._

“If anything, I’m honored,” you said -- quote unquote -- sheepishly. 

Hux’s face lit up with, _what was that? Relief? Pride? Dare I say… happiness?_

“You’ll do very well here, Yara Scott.” 

_Well I'll be. That was actually adorable._

Hux turned and pushed open the double doors with a flourish, leading the way inside the largest room you’d ever seen in your life. However, an even _larger_ figure distracted you from the surrounding opulence. You now understood why Hux said what he said. This… man? Alien? Humanoid? You had noooo fucking clue. All you knew was _that_ was the Supreme Leader and _he_ was terrifying. 

He made Kylo Ren look like a little bitch.

_Ah, speak of the devil._

You hadn’t noticed him standing there. His hulking black figure looked a little less hulking in front of the Supreme Leader. His mask whipped around to look in your direction. Positive he was glaring at you, you suppressed the urge to stick your tongue out. _Brat._

A deep, ominous chuckle echoed throughout the massive space, rattling your bones. Your eyes snapped up to meet the Supreme Leader’s, his lips twisted into a chilling smile.

“ _Cheeky,”_ Snoke finally spoke. Kylo Ren looked back at his Master. He seemed taken aback. Confused almost. You just knew. 

You also knew Snoke most definitely heard you call his precious apprentice a brat. And he… _laughed?_ Upon this realization, you couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your lips.

Hux and Kylo both gaped at you, mortified. 

_An inside joke with the Supreme Leader_ **_already?_ ** _Damn, I’m way ahead of schedule._

“It seems so,” Snoke replied out loud. _Uncanny!_ “She has a spark to her, doesn’t she Hux?” 

“Indeed, Supreme Leader.” You turned to see Hux in a deep bow. _Am I supposed to bow?_

You decided it couldn’t hurt. However, an invisible force stopped your body completely before you could move.

“No need, child. Come closer.” As if you were tied to a string, Snoke pulled your body forward until you were at the edge of his throne. 

How this could be possible -- you had no clue. You didn’t know a whole lot about the Force

“That will change soon, my child.”

_Um. Huh?_

“ _Soon_ you will know much about the Force. I sensed you from across the galaxy. You are very skilled, but it is time you learned more. More about the power within you.”

Kylo Ren stepped forward. “Supreme Leader, you can’t mean-”

“ **_SILENCE!_ **” Snoke bellowed, forcing Ren instantly to his knees with his mind. Ren didn’t say another word. His head stayed down. 

Meanwhile, your heart had taken new residency in your throat and you were absolutely _scared._ Real life scared, for the first time in a long time. Snoke’s eyes moved back to you, still stuck at the foot of his throne. “You are different, Yara Scott. The Force does not lie. There is great potential in you.”

You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know how to speak anymore. Nothing was working. Nothing made sense. This didn’t make any _sense. Questions._ You had questions. A lot of them. 

“You may speak freely, child.”

_Freely? As in freely freely? Not a good idea. Reign it in. Don’t push your luck._

“I…” _Get it together._ “I don’t really know what to say. It is not my place to doubt your wisdom.” _Good, keep it up. “_ But… I’ve never felt anything other than… well, me. Normal.”

Snoke pondered you for a moment, tapping a finger against his chin. He leaned forward, his face inches from you. “The ability to survive the life you have so far lived… is not normal.”

_Panic._

“Do you ever wonder how you managed it all?”

_Yes. NO. Stop it._

“How you’ve survived this long?”

_Please stop._

“The pain. The fear. The panic. You’ve used it all your life. And starting at such a young age too.” Snoke knew what he was doing. And it was working. 

You broke. Tears spilled down your cheeks. You body vibrated with a mixture of red hot emotions you couldn’t name. Time began to slow as an invisible hand reached its way inside your brain. _Wh- what is this?!_

Images began to flash through your head accompanied by a searing pain that seemed to fire through every ounce of your body.

_A young girl. Men. A dark room. Hands. Torn clothing._

_NO!_

_Screaming. Bruises. Pain. Fear._

**_Anger_ ** _. So strong it could devour the entire galaxy._

A scream tore from your throat as the force inside your brain slithered away. Collapsing to the floor, you panted. Trying to catch your breath on all fours. 

Snokes voice was soft from above. “We will harness that anger.”

His scaly, cold hand reached out and lifted your chin, forcing your eyes to his. “And you will be a great weapon.”

He dropped your face and leaned back in his throne. “My apprentice will begin your training. Starting tomorrow.” He looked to Ren. “Do _not_ disappoint me.”

Kylo stood. “I will not, Master.” 

“Dismissed.”

Ren spun on his heel, fists clenched, and stomped his way out. You went to stand, wobbly and dizzy. “Thank you, Supreme Leader,” you managed to squeak. Head pounding, you began to walk. Hux moved to help you balance but you quickly jerked away. You wanted no one touching you. 

_No one._

***

You laid in your bed, staring at the ceiling. Unmoving. Unfeeling. It had been what felt like hours. _Is this all real?_ Hux had given you the rest of the day off. You assumed it had less to do with the kindness in his heart and more to do with your state of shock after reliving some nasty childhood trauma. You could handle a lot, you’d done it your entire life. But _that…_ that was something different. And It left you shaken. _The Force. In me? Sure ok. Can't wait to prove everyone wrong and probably get killed for wasting his time._ You were not so quick to believe. You knew yourself.

... _right?_

A knock on your door shook you from your empty thoughts. You went to stand but the door opened before you could get up, revealing the last person you expected to see.

“Common courtesy much?” you deadpanned.

The stupid mask looked around. “I knocked, didn’t I?”

 _Oh no, I am_ **_not_ ** _in the mood for this._

“What do you want.” You did not have time to entertain this ungrateful asshole’s presence. You were _exhausted._ Mentally, physically, emotionally. Everything. Still recovering from whatever the _fuck_ that was back there, you lacked the mental capacity for this. 

“Training begins at 06:00.”

“Okay. Anything else?” _If not, go away._

“If you’re looking for a ‘thank you’ you’re not getting one.”

_Wow._

“The Supreme Leader is wise,” he continued. “But I will not waste my time on someone who doesn’t deserve it. You better show up ready to work. You will receive no sympathy.”

_Wowww._

You stared daggers into his chrome dome. “Wasn’t looking for any. Now kindly, get _the fuck out of my room.”_ You slammed your fist on the close button catching his fingers in between the wall and the door as it separated him from you.

A snarl erupted from the hallway, followed by what you could only describe as fire slashing through metal. You didn’t care. _Get a fucking life._

“My bad!!!” you called out, smiling for the first time in what felt like ages. 

_Ass._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did this instead of sleeping. i regret nothing. lemme know your thoughts! gonna try and post every two days. my thirst knows no bounds.


	3. Teach Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is insane. This isn’t going to work. Run away while you can. 
> 
> But you couldn’t. You had questions and he had answers.
> 
> “Alright,” you said as you stopped a foot away from where he stood. Slowly, you slipped your hand in his. “Teach me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is!!! sorry it took longer than promised. the holidays had me busy and then i saw the rise of skywalker and needed time to fucking HEAL. what did you guys think about it? i have no clue how to feel. i'll prob see it 8 more times so hopefully i'll figure that out. Til next time, enjoy! idk how happy i am with this chapter, for some reason it was hard to write but whatever lmk what you think. Plot is just beginning people!!!

It was dark. 

You looked around, squinting as your eyes adjusted to your surroundings. A warehouse. Empty. How did you get here? You couldn’t remember. You went to stand but to no avail, discovering your hands bound behind your back and tied to the metal chair you were perched on. 

_What is this?_

A familiar voice boomed over an unseen speaker system, rattling your chest.

“You failed.” 

_No._

Your lungs tightened. 

You couldn’t breathe. “Please,” you begged. Hot tears streaming down your face. 

“What did I tell you about failure, sweet Yara?” he spoke calmly. 

Dread ripped through your soul. “Please! I can fix this!!!”

“Failure cannot be fixed. Only punished. You know this.”

Noises. You heard noises. From the other end of the warehouse. What was that? They were getting louder. _No...they were getting closer. Footsteps. Multiple footsteps._ You closed your eyes, listening. _Four, maybe five of them._ Your heart raced. You couldn’t fight them all off. 

“Escape or defeat them,” the voice you knew so well said over the speaker, void of emotion. “Do that, and you will remain untouched. Fail, like you so recently have, and you will accept your punishment.” 

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

A scream tore from your throat as you shot up in bed.

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

Drenched in sweat, your eyes frantically scoured the room, looking for something, _anything,_ to ground you. A familiar window revealing the dark vastness of space confirmed your location. Rubbing your wrists and finding them unbound, you tried to control your shaking body.

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

It was a dream. Only a dream. 

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

Your blood boiled over. “SHUT THE FUCK UP,” you screamed as you tore the new alarm clock from the wall and chucked it across the room. It smashed against the floor, pieces and parts scattering everywhere. Of course they replaced the one you destroyed with the exact same kind, you didn’t know why you expected any different. The First Order wasn’t known for its variety. This pissed you the fuck off.

Air. You needed air. 

Bursting through the door into the living room, your foot caught on the rug and sent you tumbling to the ground. 

“FUCK!!!” 

You couldn’t move. You didn’t want to. All you wanted to do was cry. So you did. For the first time in a long time, you curled into a ball and let go. 

_What is happening to me?_

What felt like hours later, tear bank long dry and empty, you opened your eyes. Head throbbing, you sat up, finding yourself in a familiar situation. Clock-less.

You had no doubt Kylo Ren would quite literally ring your neck if you were late to the first day of training. 

_“What the fuck time is it?!?!”_ you shouted to absolutely no one, voice hoarse and pathetic. 

As if it heard your pleas, the comm link on your wrist lit up and a smooth, robotic voice spoke. 

“ **It is currently 04:25**.”

 _Whoa cool, Hux didn’t tell me it could talk._ A thought struck you then. _Wait, 04:05? That doesn’t make any sense._ “Why would my alarm go off so early?” 

“ **I do not have an answer to that** ,” the comm link chirped again. Rolling your eyes, you brought it up to your face, inspecting the gadget closer. You’d never seen one like this. 

“I wasn’t asking you.” 

“ **My apologies.** ” _Aw, it’s sweet._

“Well,” your curiosity taking over, “what _do_ you know?”

“ **Ask me anything.** ”

_Oooo, this could be fun._

***

After assaulting your comm link and new best friend with any and every question that popped into your mind --

“ _What color is the sky?”_

 _“_ **_Based on your current location, the sky is black_ ** _**.** ” _

_“How many species of bird are there?”_

_“_ **_8,598,347 in the known galaxy._ ** _”_

_“What came first, the chicken or the egg?”_

_“_ **_The chicken._ ** _”_

_“What’s your name?”_

_“_ **_I do not have a name._ ** _”_

_“I’m gonna call you Sunny.”_

_“_ **_Okay, my name is Sunny._ ** _”_

\-- Going back to sleep was obviously out of the question. _The gym it is then._ You rummaged through the closet. _How am I supposed dress for this?_ You settled on a black training top and leggings. Simple enough. All black, of course. _No variety._ You found a quarter zip and threw that on as well. Tying your hair up, you glanced in the mirror and sighed at the sight of red-rimmed and puffy eyes. 

_Crying sucks and now i’m ugly._

And it was only day **_two_ **. 

_Lord help me._

***

Eventually growing bored with acting pathetic, you punched the open button on your door and confidently stepped out. 

_I have no clue where I’m going._

After trying and failing to recall the route Hux took you on yesterday, you gave up.

“Hey Sunny, do you know how to get to the training facility?”

“ **You are not scheduled to train for another hour,** ” it responded. 

“Oh my _god_ just give me directions.” 

“ **...Take a left at the end of the hall.** ”

***

15 minutes later, you pushed your way through the giant metal doors like you owned the place.

“Look at me being resourceful, using my new fancy gadgets and what not, huh Sunny?”

“ **Very good job, Yara.** ” 

You smiled to yourself. Sure, your only friend was a literal comm link, but _whatever_ it was better than nothing. You were used to having no one at all, so this was a step up.

“Well Sunny,” you looked around at all the different training machines. You’d never seen any of these kinds before. “I have time to kill before Mr. Pissy gets here. Have any clue how to use these contraptions?”

A terrifying chuckle from the shadows shook you from your exploration of the facilities. 

You wirled around, snatching your gun from your belt and pointing it in the direction of your intruder. 

“Is that what you call me?”

A figure walked toward you, taking the shape of, _surprise surprise,_ Mr. Pissy himself. 

“Jesus _fuck,_ dude!!! Do you have a death wish?!” You holstered your gun. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” his menacing mask scoffed. 

“Oh please,” you glared at him indignantly. “Is your ego that fragile?” 

Silence.

 _No way._ A wicked grin threatened to split your face in half. 

“It **_is_ **that fragile.” 

“No it is **not** ,” he growled as he stormed past you. 

“What are you, 12 years old?” you called after him. “I’ll have you know, I have way more nicknames than just that one.”

Walking up to one of those foreign machines, Kylo Ren spun around. “If you don’t die,” he slammed his hand on a bright red button. “I’ll be eager to hear them.”

Out of nowhere, a black sphere came shooting toward you. You jumped out of the way at the last second, turning to see it explode as it smashed into the wall. 

**_“What the fuck?!?!”_ **You whipped out your gun for the second time that day and fired at the next one as it flew toward you, exploding mid-air upon impact.

One after the other, bomb after bomb followed you throughout the facility, threatening to kill you if **_god forbid_ **you fucking missed. 

Thankfully, you were the best of the best ( _obviously_ ) and destroyed every single one until Mr. Pissy decided to take mercy on your poor unfortunate soul and shut the machine down. 

Out of breath, you stood from your crouching position and brushed yourself off.

_Well that was rude._

You turned toward Ren, preparing a sassy retort about needing a real challenge, only to see his barrelling toward you fist in the air. You dove out of the way at the last second, somersaulting to your feet. _What is this psycho doing?!_

He came at you again, preparing to strike. “Testing you,” he hissed as you blocked his next two jabs. 

“Don’t read my mind!” you shouted as you pivoted on your foot to land a kick to his exposed ribs. He grunted when your foot connected, but managed to grab your ankle before you could withdraw it and pulled it forward, swiping your planted foot with his and sending you to the ground.

“Then don’t project your thoughts,” he sneered as he went to pin you. Rolling to the left, you barely escaped his knees as they came down to trap your arms. Flipping over his back, you shoved him from behind, knocking the dark knight on all fours. You wound your fist back to deliver a blow to the back of his ridiculous helmet when he turned and threw his gloved hand, freezing you mid-punch. 

“Hey! That’s cheating!” you yelled, struggling to break free from his invisible hold. 

Kylo went to stand, hand still stretched out. 

“I’m ‘being resourceful,’” he quoted you sarcastically. _Asshole._ He lowered his hand, forcing you to your knees and moved your hands to clasp behind your back. He crouched in front of you, the slits in his mask boring into your eyes. 

He leaned in, inches from your face. “Do you yield?”

_Oh helllllll no._

As if he heard your thoughts -- _oh wait, he can read my thoughts --_ the hold on your wrists twisted tighter. You gritted your teeth together, trying to lock out the pain. You wouldn’t bend to this fucker. 

“Do. you. Yield.” he said again, punctuating each word. 

You glared into his mask, while frantically trying to decipher an escape route without him projecting to him. _As if I have any clue how to do that._ Suddenly, you had an idea and acted on instinct. 

Your gaze went from his mask to the space behind him, eyes widening in a mix of what you hoped looked like fear and reverence. “Supreme Leader,” you muttered in quiet deference as you lowered your eyes to the floor, bowing your head as best as you were able. It was a rather childish trick, but the hold Snoke had on Kylo Ren was stronger than tempersteele. He was helpless against his word. He didn’t have a choice. And _that_ was his greatest weakness. _Fear._

Kylo tensed. His force hold vanished as he whirled around expecting to face his master. “Supreme Leader I-”

However, due to unforeseen circumstances, the almighty mind-reader was unable to complete his sentence thanks to a swift kick to the back of his knees from yours truly. As his legs gave out you twisted yourself in front of his falling body and delivered a blow to his chest, throwing him to his back. As he slammed to the ground you snatched the gun from your belt for the _third_ time that day ( _not even 5am yet, must be a new record)_ and held it to his throat, knees pinned to his shoulders. 

You looked at him underneath you, completely at your mercy. You tried to hold it in, you really did, but that was absolutely _hilarious._

You busted out laughing right in his face. 

“I can’t believe you fell for that,” you giggled hysterically. His cold, faceless mask stared at you silently. “I mean, _really?_ The fearsome Kylo Ren fell for like, the _oldest_ trick in the book.” You rose and holstered your gun. “So, did I pass your little test?” 

Kylo remained still for a moment, as if he was contemplating his next move, until slowly reaching his hand out, silently asking you to help him up. _Huh, would you look at that._ A small smile graced your lips as you placed your hand in his gloved one. _Perhaps he’s not as shitty as I initially-_

Your thought was cut short by a hard yank on your arm that sent you flipping over his shoulder. In the blink of an eye you found yourself sprawled out on the sparring mat, air knocked from your lungs with a terrifying red, crackling saber pointed at your neck. 

_Ow._

You looked down at the red flame as burning plasma sputtered from its core. You held your hands up in submission. _Jeez, learn how to take a joke._

After a moment, Kylo sheathed his saber and holstered it to his belt. He looked back at you. “And yet, you fell for _that._ ” 

You scrunched your brow and crossed your arms over your chest, pouting to the best of your ability. _You’re so annoying._

“I heard that,” he called over his shoulder as he walked to the other side of the room. You rolled your eyes and jumped to your feet. 

“Good.” He didn’t grace your sassiness with a response. _Whatever._ “Where are you going?” you asked as Kylo made his way through a door you hadn’t noticed before. 

He didn’t answer. _Of course._

You jogged after him. “Hey, I know it takes an immense amount of energy for you to answer a simple question, but if you could just _try_ to not be a total-” the words stopped dead in your throat when you stepped through the threshold into the _brightest_ room you’d even seen. “ _Whoa.”_

It was like the inside of an igloo. A dome-shaped ceiling covered the circular room. Everything was white and sleek. It blended together, as if the space had no beginning or end. _And so shiny._ Like sunshine reflecting off a fresh winter’s snow, you practically had to squint your eyes. You scanned the room for the source of the light but came up short. It just… _was._ Spotless and sterile but not uncomfortable, it’s energy was quiet and loud at the same time. And bare, it was absolutely bare. It was like you were standing in absolutely nothing. 

Kylo Ren stopped at the center of the room and turned to you, stuck in the doorway, mouth agape, still trying to figure out how anything with walls could feel so vast. He watched you for a moment before breaking the trance.

“This is my meditation room.” You jumped at the sound of his voice, shaking you from your awe. “Here I feel the most connected with the Force.”

You nodded slowly, understanding why. Something buzzed in the air. Exactly what it was you weren’t sure, but you felt drawn to it. He looked even larger here. Like a massive black hole swallowing a sea of white that threatened to drown him. Then something peculiar happened. Kylo Ren raised his arm and held his hand out to you. _What the?_ you hesitated, waiting for him to elaborate further, not quite trusting him since the last time he offered you a hand. “You need a teacher,” he spoke softly. Softer than you could ever imagine this intimidating man capable of. “Are you ready?”

For the first time since meeting Kylo Ren, you felt something other than anger when you looked at him. You felt… curious. Like there was so much more to learn. About yourself. About the Force. About the galaxy. About him. 

_This is insane. This isn’t going to work. Run away while you can._

But you couldn’t. You had questions and he had answers.

“Alright,” you said as you stopped a foot away from where he stood. Slowly, you slipped your hand in his. “Teach me.”

  
  
  



	4. I'm bored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What did Snoke see?” Kylo’s deep rumble broke you from your doubting thoughts. 
> 
> “Excuse me?”
> 
> He didn’t face you but spoke louder. “What did Snoke see yesterday?”
> 
> Your body tensed at recollection. None of your fucking business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy. welcome to chapter four of this wonderful adventure. It's a tad shorter this week and unfortunately this new installment isn't a very happy one. **warning** there's non-con elements. not graphic, but very much implied and needed for plot development. 
> 
> I promise fun times are ahead!!! stick with me. It'll be worth all the fluff i plan to destroy you with.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading. I'm thrilled to see people enjoying the chaos that is my Kylo-filled imagination. Please please please let me know what you think! Comments give me LIFE. 
> 
> see you trash compactors later <3

“Calm your mind. Focus simply on your breath. Block everything out. Don’t think, don’t move. Simply just _be.”_

_...Does this guy know who he’s talking to?_

“You’re not even trying.”

 _I_ **_am_ ** _trying!_

“No you’re not.”

“Ugh!” you opened your eyes, throwing your arms up in frustration. Kylo mirrored your position, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room. “I’ve never been asked to sit still before, you can’t expect me to be immediately good at it!” 

“You’re weak.” 

Your eyes darkened at this. _He did_ **_not_ ** _just-_

“But I did.”

“I am _not_ weak,” you growled.

“Then prove it.”

***

_Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing._

“Repeating ‘nothing’ over and over in your head is not going to work.”

_Shut up, you’re distracting me._

The _wannabe Vader_ scoffed. “You’re distracting yourself. And don’t call me that.”

There was warning behind his words. You decided not to push it, settling on internally rolling your eyes.

***

“I’m bored.” 

“God dammit, Yara!” Kylo stood and began to pace. Hearing your name fall from his lips ( _if he even had lips)_ distorted through the vocoder sent a chill down your spine. After jumping from world to world and existing in semi-isolation for so long you had gotten used to being nameless. The job didn’t require you to be a person. The idea that he would acknowledge you so candidly was unexpected. And weird.

“I’m sorry!” 

“Don’t lie.” he continued his pacing.

“I’m not lying. I want to figure this out as much as the next person, but you simply telling me to _clear my mind_ isn’t helping!” 

“I should be able to find you in The Force,” Kylo muttered to himself, frustration laced his words. “If Snoke could feel you across the galaxy there’s no reason for me not to.”

You laughed out loud at this. “Is that hubris I’m detecting?” He ignored your witty comment and continued his pacing. You couldn’t hear his thoughts but felt the tension radiating from his body as he racked his brain, mentally kicking himself for every second passed without an answer. You almost felt bad. _Almost._

“Relax, it’s the first day. Cut yourself some slack, Kylo.”

Hearing _his_ name fall from your lips felt even weirder. You assumed he felt the same way as his pacing halted, mask snapping to you seated on the floor. He didn’t speak. Didn’t move. The deep slits of his visor trained fully on your face. 

He made you feel exposed. You didn’t like it. 

“How can you hear my thoughts but not feel me in the force?” You broke the silence and stood to face him. 

“I can hear anyone’s thoughts if I want to.”

Shuffling your feet, you spoke up. “By reaching into their mind.” 

He nodded. “Yes.”

“So people’s thoughts aren’t just floating around all the time, you have to make an effort to listen, right?”

“It’s hardly an effort,” he scoffed. 

_Men._

“You _know_ what I mean. Do you want to figure this out or not because I don't have the time to cater to your fragile ego,” you crossed your arms, unimpressed. His fists clenched but remained silent otherwise. _Good._

 _“_ I’m the only one who can push them to you?”

“Yes.” he spoke after a moment of consideration. “Your thoughts slip through my mental walls as though they didn’t exist.”

“Can anyone else do that?”

“Only you. And Snoke.”

 _Snoke?_ An unfamiliar chill drifted through your body at the sound of his name. 

Kylo nodded slowly. “He controls it, however. You do it unknowingly.”

He looked away and brushed a hand over the top of his helmet as if he expected there to be hair to run his gloved fingers through. _Interesting._

Kylo dropped his hand as if caught in illicit act and angled his head away, clearing his throat. _Even more interesting._

Tucking the observation away, you’d examine it further at a different time. _Focus, Yara._

After few moments you spoke up again. “Can you speak back to Snoke?”

“Yes. If he opens that channel.”

_A two-way channel. Okay. So if that same logic applies here, I’m basically in a one-way channel connected to your brain._

“I guess you could put it like that, yes.” 

“Is there a way you could open it on your end?” 

He pondered this for a moment, crossing and uncrossing his long arms. 

“In a way… I believe you already opened my end. I think it’s yours that needs to budge.”

 _And I can’t do that if I don’t somehow connect to the Force._ Your confidence began to deflate. _How am I supposed to do that if I don’t know what I’m supposed to be looking for._

“What did Snoke see?” Kylo’s deep rumble broke you from your doubting thoughts. 

“Excuse me?”

He didn’t face you but spoke louder. “What did Snoke see yesterday?”

Your body tensed at recollection. _None of your fucking business._

He turned to you. “Yara.” _Chills. “_ If I can access your memories there may be clues on how to proceed.” 

_No._

“Snoke saw something. A time you lost control. A time you used the Force.”

 ** _Denial._** It punched you hard in the chest. _No._

Kylo took a step forward. You didn’t like where this was going.

“There’s so much unharnessed anger in you. I’ve felt it. Your nightmare was deafening.”

_Wait what?_

“You saw my dreams?”

Another step.

“No. But I felt the fear. The panic. It screamed so loudly my own thoughts were but a whisper in your storm. It was unrelenting until I was able to wake you and release us both from misery.”

Realization dawned. “ _You_ set off my alarm clock?” 

“To shut you up, yes.”

You wanted to be annoyed but couldn’t push away the small blossom of gratefulness swelling behind your chest. The nightmare was bad. _Really bad._ Snoke had unearthed memories you spent years trying to escape, and Kylo had saved you from reliving the worst of it. 

“I can only assume it was triggered by what Snoke witnessed in your mind. However bad, it was the strongest I’ve felt you in the Force since your arrival. I actually _felt_ you. We need to recreate that in order to feel it again.”

The gratefulness vanished. You stumbled back. The energy of the room was changing. It was darker, contrasting the surrounding brightness.

An invisible tickle caressed the back of your neck. A newly familiar feeling. “Stay the fuck away from me.” 

“I’ll try to be as gentle as possible.”

_Flee._

“Kylo please, don’t-” 

Your voice was cut off by a surge of pain tearing through your skull as scenes from the morning flashed in reverse. Attempted meditation. Sparring. Talking to Sunny. Sobbing in a ball on the floor. Screaming as you woke.

The nightmare.

Kylo’s presence grabbed hold and dove in.

The warehouse. _Confusion._ Bound hands. _Panic._ Voices. _Realization._ Footsteps. _Fear._

_“Escape or defeat them,” the voice you knew so well said over the speaker, void of emotion. “Do that, and you will remain untouched. Fail, like you so recently have, and you will accept your punishment.”_

Kylo did not end your torment this time. Where the nightmare had ended, the memory carried on. 

_You struggled to free your hands, rubbing them raw until they slipped free. The footsteps grew louder. You worked on the ties at your ankles. Figures began to take shape in the shadows._

_One foot free._

_Sick and perverted faces came into focus, ready to claim their prize. Your fingers shook. Heart pounding and erratic breathing quickening with every second._

_“Never thought I’d see this day, huh little Yara.” Stomach bile threatened to make its way up your throat._ **_Focus._**

_“It’s a shame.” The leader of the group tsked as he began undoing the belt around his waist. The rest rounded on either side of you. “But punishment is due. Grab her.”_

_Your ankle finally slipped free, allowing you to backflip over the chair just barely avoiding their reach._

_“_ **_GET HER!_ ** _”_

Pain. Anger. Betrayal. They flared to the core as you helplessly watched on. The younger version of yourself dodged, weaved, punched, kicked, fought tooth and nail to defeat her assailants. Desperate. Frantic. Inexperienced. 

_A pair of arms grabbed you from behind, crushing your ribcage._ **_SMACK!_ ** _A fist connected with your face. A second one to the gut left you sputtering and gasping. Vision began to dance, tears welling in the corners._

 _Greedy hands ripped at your clothing, forcing you to the ground as rank breath spat against your skin._ **_SMACK!_ ** _Another backhand to the cheek._

_“Teach this fucking cunt a lesson,” a voice spat with venom._

Tears streamed down your face, unable to break free from the prison of the memory. “Kylo,” you barely got out. “Stop.”

_Floating in and out of consciousness, hands danced at the seams of your pants._

**_Pain_ ** _. A harsh tug._ **_Anger._ **

“Kylo STOP.” 

_A heavy body pressing against your chest._

You could still feel them. 

_Don’t give them anything. Survive. Focus. Destroy._

“KYLO!” 

The hand in your mind pushed further.

_Red hot anger pulsed and swelled, growing stronger and harsher._

And as it grew in your memory, it grew in reality. Dark power rippled and seeped through every inch of your being. 

This needed to end. **Now.**

Instinct took over. Just as you did all those years ago, you focused on your target, on the invader in your mind, and with every molecule of your being charged with sheer darkness, _pushed._ ****

**_“GET OUT!!!”_ **

A burst of energy exploded from your mind, obliterating the hold of its assailant. Your eyes snapped open in time to see Kylo Ren’s body fly across the room and slam against the wall.

The pain in your skull was stomped out by this rush of power. It was cold. It was hot. it was blood-red and blacker than the empty voids of space. It was a force. _The_ Force. And right now it was bent to your will. 

You charged toward Ren’s crumpled form slumped against the wall, adrenaline fueling confidence, and sneered with rage.

“If you _ever_ force yourself into my mind again I will fucking kill you.”

Ren didn’t get up. His newly dented mask slowly tipped back, gaze traveling up your lithe form snarling over him, stopping when his eyes met your own.

“How dare y-”

“What happened to you?” his voice softly cut you off, laced with a mix of emotions. More than you had felt from him before. Disgust. Confusion. Sadness. 

_Pity._

You were seething, shaking, _fucking pissed._

“ _What the fuck kind of question is that?!”_ This man wanted to die. “You violate my privacy **_against my will_ ** and _actually_ think I’d fucking fill you in on the rest of the details?! Was that not enough? Need me to elaborate further on what those men did when they forced themselves on me? Do you want to hear more about the day my soul fucking _died_ ? Want to know how I killed them the same way I’ll fucking kill **_you_**?!”

Electricity pulsed through the air. The Jedi Killer listened in silence, unmoving. 

“ _You._ A glorified puppet masquerading as a faceless monster.”

He needed to hurt.

“A coward hiding behind a mask.”

Hurt like you did.

“At least Snoke had the decency to look me in the eye when he robbed me of my dignity.”

The behemoth of a man flinched slightly at your last words. 

_Good._

And with that, you turned, not sparing him another glance, and left. 

_Fucking bitch._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sry :/


	5. Says the guy in the fucking mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold. It was so cold. You shivered furiously, limbs beginning to numb.
> 
> Is this what dying feels like?
> 
> “You need help.”
> 
> Leave.
> 
> “No.”
> 
> You tried to speak, to berate him for refusing your demands, but nothing came out. Your brain was too numb, unable to find the words to tell him you didn’t want that mask to be the last thing you saw before dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to chapter 5!!!! This was a fun one to write. We're getting to the good stuff people just you wait.  
> Lemme know what you think in the comments!!! Hearing from you guys is for real one of the best feelings.  
> i love this fandom. i love kylo. i love that we're all trash. 
> 
> til next time!!!!

_Welp. Now what?_

It was a good question. There wasn’t anything left in your quarters to break. _Maybe I missed a pillow?_ You perked up from your spot on the floor, scanning the space for a possible untouched target. Overturned lamps, smashed chairs, a torn couch, dented walls, shattered glass, torn apart scraps of metal, weapons thrown about, feathers and shredded fabric from what used to be pillows blanketed the floor. You sighed and faced the unfortunate truth: You had left no man alive. 

“Hey Sunny. Remind me to send a request for new pillows and stuff.”

“ **I do not know ‘and stuff.’ What other items do you require?”**

“Yanno. Room stuff. Home stuff.” You shuddered at the word. _Home._

The last time you had a home was-- 

“No.” you spoke aloud, drowning out that stream of thought. _No._

_I’m not going to continue torturing myself. It happened, it’s over. Done. In the past._

“ **No other items?** ”

“No,” you snapped. “I wasn’t talking to you.” 

“ **My apologies, Yara.** ”

Your heart panged. Comm link or not, Sunny was your only friend in the galaxy. _And I’m being a total dick._

“Sorry, Sunny. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“ **No apologies necessary, Yara.** ”

You smiled. “Is it sad that you’re the only person I like here?”

“ **I am your personal comm link, created to serve your specific needs and requests. It is not unnatural to be fond of my existence. It is in my programming.** ”

“Gee thanks. That doesn’t make it sound worse at all.”

“ **You are welcome.** ”

You chuckled at this. It was nice not being alone. Sunny not being an actual person honestly made it better. You weren’t used to being around people. It was hard for you to know how to act, let alone show any type of emotion. Vulnerability especially. That’ll get you killed. But the biological need for companionship was undeniable, and truth be told you were starving for it. Sunny was the best of both worlds and you were grateful. 

_I should’ve gotten a sentient comm link years ago. Or a droid. Maybe a dog. Nah those things piss and shit everywhere._

No, Sunny would do very nicely. 

“ **What other items do you request?** ”

***

After an hour of sifting through the debris covering what remained of your quarters, you and Sunny finally finished taking inventory of what had been damaged and needed replacing. 

“Oh and a new kitchen table.” You glanced at the poor thing, impaled by a lavish sword you had stolen a few years back. The guy didn’t need it anymore, being dead and all. 

Maybe you had gone a _little_ overboard during your tantrum. Maybe. But you didn’t have the energy to care. The only thing occupying your mind was sleep and how badly you needed it. 

“I think that completes it, Sunny.”

“ **Okay. Shall I send the list now and call the cleaning staff to tidy up?”**

While that was probably a good idea, you weren’t quite done being angry yet. The destruction was almost… peaceful. _I’m gonna ignore how crazy that sounds._

“No. Don’t call anyone. Save the list for now. I’ll send it later.”

“ **Okay, if that will be all my charging port is next to the alarm clock at the side of the bed. Unless that is destroyed as well?** ”

_Ha. Ha. Ha. Good one._

“Oh you got jokes now, huh?” You maneuvered through the wreckage into the bedroom. Thankfully you had avoided the bed during your fit of rage. Well, kind of. The headboard had a few throwing knives stuck in it, but was otherwise untouched. 

The side table was a little wobbly but the charging port remained fully in tact. After carefully setting Sunny next to the clock on the unstable surface you turned and flopped dramatically face-first on the bed. The sudden weight caused it to rock slightly, incidentally knocking over the side table and spilling its contents on the floor.

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

_You have GOT to be fucking kidding me._

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

The alarm clock screamed from its spot on the ground.

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

_How the fuck did it manage to get louder?!_

Sliding off the bed, you made your way into the living room.

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

Comfortingly surrounded by the impressive collection of weapons hanging on the walls, you approached the section dedicated to different kinds of guns and blasters. You browsed your options and decided on a massive pistol you stole from some dead guy you couldn’t remember killing. 

**_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_ **

Making sure it was loaded upon returning to the bedroom, you cocked, **_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP,_ ** aimed, **_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP,_ **and fired. 

**BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!**

Not stopping until the bullets ran dry, you were pleased by the results. A pulverized clock and sweet silence.

_Much better._

Your solace was immediately ruined by loud banging on your door. 

“Ms. Scott?! Ms. Scott?! I heard gunshots, is everything alright in there?”

 _Aw, Hux is worried._ You allowed yourself to be touched for only a moment before the anger started to return. 

“Ms. Scott?!” more pounding. 

“I’m good,” you shouted sweetly. “Go the fuck away now!”

The pounding abruptly stopped and you could practically feel the utter shock radiating from the gingerbread man standing outside your door. 

“ _Ms. Scott,”_ he sputtered. “That is no way to address--”

He was cut off by the slam of the broken chair leg you chucked at the door. An exasperated “ugh!” was followed by angry footsteps stomping away from your door. 

_Thank you very much._

Beginning to make your way back to bed, your journey was cut short by another **BOOMBOOMBOOM** on the door. 

_Is Hux for real right now? He couldn’t possibly be stupid enough to--_

“Open the door.”

You froze. _Ren._ The unmistakable sound of his filtered voice lit a fire under your barely contained rage that began to bubble from its heat.

_Leave._

“I said open the door,” he barked impatiently. 

_Fuck off._ You could feel his frustration growing, bringing you nothing but spiteful joy.

“I’m warning you--”

“Or what?!” you taunted. “You gonna force your way in? Cause you’re SO good at doing that!”

“ARGH!” Kylo growled, punching the door for emphasis. _Drama queen._

Silence followed. A minute. Two minutes. Nothing. As if he had given up and walked away. But he hadn’t. You stared at the metal barrier with furrowed brows, feeling his presence still lingering outside your quarters. You didn’t move, awaiting his next play.

It was quiet for a breath or two more, until a soft murmur floated through the room and into your ears.

“Yara.”

Chills.

_Oh fuuuuck no._

The bubbling rage began to boil, disgusted by the way something as simple as him speaking your name sent a spark zipping up your spine. You fucking hated him.

“If you come in I will kill you.” Your body began to buzz again as scenes from earlier flashed through your mind.

“You need to calm down!” Kylo shouted through the door. “You’re going to get _yourself_ killed!”

His warnings were lost in the storm that clouded your senses. The heat was becoming too much. The room began to shake as pieces and parts of your demolished room began to float in the air.

Like the eye of a hurricane, you stood at the center of the chaotic mess as it swirled around you. Hunching over, you grabbed at your temples as the fire raged harder.

_It hurts. It hurts so bad._

Your eyes snapped open at the _whoosh_ of the door opening followed by a frantic Kylo Ren rushing in. 

“GET OUT!” A piece of metal swirling around you shot toward the masked coward with the push of your hand. Kylo blocked it with ease as he came for you. 

Again and again you sent them flying at his _stupid fucking mask_ as he blocked and dodged with The Force. Throwing your hand out in a last attempt to shatter his body with a particularly large chunk of granite countertop, Kylo pounced and grabbed your wrist, diverting the boulder into the opposite wall as he pulled you forward. 

The flying debris fell back to the ground as his crushing grip latched onto your shoulders.

“ENOUGH!” His mask shouted in your face as he shook you.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” you thrashed and thrashed in his grasp. Kylo’s hold was unrelenting.

“I’m trying to _help_ you!” 

“YOU BROKE ME!!!” you screamed, hot tears welled in your eyes and poured down your cheeks. Kylo stiffened, allowing you the opportunity to break free.

“You broke me,” you sobbed. “I was good. I had healed. I killed the past and it no longer made me weak. It _made me stronger._ ” Shoving him in the chest with both hands, you snarled through gritted teeth, voice breaking. “And you fucking **_ruined_ ** me.” Another shove. Kylo didn’t retaliate. 

Backing away as he continued to stand in silence, your back hit the wall and you slid to the ground.

_What is happening to me?_

“Yara--” Kylo stepped forward and kneeled in front of you.

“DON’T!” snapping like an injured dog backed into a corner, you desperately searched for an escape route.

“You don’t need to run.”

 _Yeah fucking right!_ You stood and stormed across the room, shoving him aside.

“You don’t need to hide--”

“Says the guy in the FUCKING MASK!” you roared, whirling around to face him. “YOU’RE THE ONE HIDING!” 

Tears continued to fall, but you refused to look away. 

“Is it easier? Is it easier destroying people when they can’t look you in the eye? Does it help you sleep at night?” He just listened, motionless and only feet away. 

“Or are you a coward? A coward afraid of what people might see.” 

Kylo’s fingers twitched, betraying what his mask wanted the galaxy to think.

_That’s what I thought. A coward._

You had gotten him to crack, and that was good enough. It was then that you noticed how exhausted you were. Whatever the fuck you did left you utterly depleted. And as the adrenaline slowly wore off, so did your ability to see straight. 

“If we’re done here I’d like to be alone so I can pass out in peace.” Your vision started to blur. Lightheadedness and a searing migraine had your body swaying as you fought to stay standing. 

Cold. It was so cold. You shivered furiously, limbs beginning to numb.

_Is this what dying feels like?_

“You need help.”

_Leave._

“No.”

You tried to speak, to berate him for refusing your demands, but nothing came out. Your brain was too numb, unable to find the words to tell him you didn’t want that mask to be the last thing you saw before dying.

Then, something peculiar happened. Instead of leaving, Kylo Ren’s hands came up to the sides of his head. An unseen latch clicked, followed by the hiss of a released airlock as the plate over his mouth lifted. And as he raised the visor, you just made out the beginnings of deep raven hair and a strong pale chin before the world went black.

***

  
  


_I thought Hell was supposed to be warm?_

You were confused. There was no way you were going anywhere other than Hell after dying, so why was it still so damn freezing?

You were floating. A warm mass curled around your body and you felt weightless. Your cheek rested against a soft fabric smoothed over a hard surface. 

“What happened?!”

_Was that Hux? Is he dead too?_

“Call Phasma. Tell her to meet me in my quarters.” A voice you didn’t recognize rumbled. It was deep. Velvety. Warm like the body that carried you. 

“Why Phasma?” Hux barked, struggling to keep up with Kylo as he silently strode forward, ignoring Hux. “Ren!”

_Kylo???_

“Because!” Kylo snarled. “We need to get her body temperature down immediately. Unless you think she’d be comfortable with you stripping her down and getting her into a bath.”

Your heart began to race as you slipped further into consciousness. 

“No,” you squeeked, weakly gripping your fingers onto the soft fabric against your face. You struggled to open your eyes. It was so bright. 

As they adjusted, bleary from unconsciousness, you were met with the deepest chocolate-brown irises you’d ever seen. So warm and inviting as they looked down at you, but laced with something dark. Fear? Panic?

_Beautiful._

You wanted to look harder. Yearned to see them more clearly, as if they were the only thing keeping you alive. 

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered softly. 

And for the first time, you believed him. 

***

“You sent for me sir?” A distorted female voice shook you back into reality. The sound of running bath water streamed in the background. 

Muffled conversation floated around the room. You paid no mind, lost in the sensation of humidity hitting your frigid face. It was the only thing you could focus on. 

Kylo lowered you onto what you assumed was some kind of bench or chair. Gloved hands steadied your shoulders. 

“Can you sit?”

Eyes still closed, all you could manage was a nod. 

The female voice, no longer distorted, spoke up again. 

“Yara. My name is Captain Phasma. Are you able to look at me?” 

You did. Short blonde hair and kind eyes locked onto yours, taking your breath away. 

_Is everyone in this fucking place beautiful?_

What sounded like a suppressed chuckle echoed from behind Phasma. _Was that--?_

“I’m going to help you out of these clothes,” Phasma spoke slowly, bringing your attention back to her. “I’ve got it from here, Commander.”

There was a pregnant pause before you heard feet retreating from the ‘fresher followed by the closing of the door. 

“Can you lift your hands above your head?” You did as she asked, wincing as the tattered shirt was peeled from your torso.

_Sore. So sore._

Phasma began to unlace your boots. “You really did a number on yourself, huh?”

All you could manage was a nod as she removed your leggings, practically torn to shreds from your outburst. 

She stood and moved behind you, undoing your hair and letting it fall.

“Can you stand?” 

Phasma helped you step into the warm water until your entire body was submerged. It was euphoric. Feeling began to creep back into your limbs. Never in a million years had you felt such relief. It was like life poured back into your soul. 

Phasma filled a cup with water and poured it over the back of your head a few times. You had never felt so soothed. 

“Thank you.”

Phasma paused.

“You’re welcome.” The words sounded foreign on her lips. _Then again I highly doubt ‘thank you’ is common First Order dialogue._

“If there isn’t anything else, I’ll give you some privacy.” 

Phasma slipped through the door, leaving you to soak alone. You stretched your arms above your head as feeling continued to return. You looked down at your naked body in the soapy water and gasped. Cuts and bruises littered your skin, a mirage of colors painted across your form.

_Can I chill?_

You shook your head, disappointed in yourself. How did that even happen? It was so unlike last time. You had never manipulated objects before. This was deeper. More controlled. More profound. 

It dawned on you then.

_This is exactly what Snoke wants._

You weren’t sure how to feel about that. You had snapped. However, this time around you wouldn’t be putting yourself back together. Snoke aimed to reshape you. Break you down to build you back up. Stronger and better than before. That was something you simply had to trust in. 

Something had awakened in you. It was terrifying. Intriguing. Horrifying. Fascinating. It was everything. 

Your head began to spin. The concussion you most likely had demanded rest. For now, you would enjoy this moment and revisit those thoughts later. You had a feeling this was going to be the last moment of peace you’d have for a really long time. 

Sinking deep in the water you slipped back into unconsciousness, dreaming of chocolatey-brown eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!!! :)


	6. Doomed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo’s gaze darted nervously between yours. Waiting for something. Anything. The look he gave begged of you. 
> 
> Mesmerized, you said the only thing your brain was capable of. 
> 
> “Hi.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead don't worry. I got a new job and it took over my life for a bit there but I'm back!!!! My sincerest apologies. This one is shorter because I ended up splitting what I had written into two separate chapters. I really wanted this moment to stand on its own <3 DONT WORRY the other half will be up shortly :)

_I’m gonna be so annoyed if I’m not dead._

It’s not like you _wanted_ to be dead. It’d just be way more convenient than facing the repurcussions of whatever the fuck happened last night. Plus it would make sense. You felt like absolute trash. 

_Where am I?_

You felt around. _Silk. Some kind of bed._ It was cozy. Cozier than yours. 

_I’ll have to talk to someone about that._

Fluttering your eyes open, bright light flooded your retinas. You blinked once, twice, three times as they adjusted to your surroundings. It was a bedroom, almost identical to yours. The viewport was bigger though, spanning the entire length of the opposite wall. You were only a little jealous. 

A faint **beep… beep… beep…** sounded steadily in the background. You looked down and found an IV sticking in your arm. _What the hell?_

You went to sit up only to be stopped by a pair of gentle hands and a slightly familiar voice.

“Easy there. You need to stay down.” 

A massive blonde woman hovered above you. You had seen her before… _I think._ The confusion must’ve been written on your face.

“I am Captain Phasma. We met last night but I’m sure you don’t remember. You were in quite a state.”

_Ahhhh. The Amazonian Goddess that got me naked._

“You don’t get to tell me what to do just because you saw my tits.”

She was taken aback, an offended scowl gracing her features. However, as soon as it appeared, it softened. Her eyes grew kind and the corner of her lip curled up.

“Snoke said you were a fiery one.” 

You couldn’t fight the smile that matched her own. 

“Hopefully I performed well despite my delirious state.” 

“You put on quite a show I can tell you that,” she laughed. You did too.

“So,” you cleared your throat. “I guess this means we’re best friends now.”

“I don’t do friends.”

_Yeah neither did I until I was put on this godforsaken ship._

“That’s what _you_ think.”

“A captain doesn’t have friends.”

“Neither does an assassin and yet here I am.”

“ _You_ have friends?”

... _kinda._

You scoffed as if that was the stupidest question you’d ever heard. “Is the Pope catholic?” you responded sarcastically.

“Is that what _what?”_

“No idea. Some phrase I learned when I assassinated a President on some planet in the Milky Way system. I think it’s supposed to highlight the stupidity of a question or statement.”

She quirked an eyebrow.

“Ya know, like does a gun shoot bullets? Do fat kids love cake? Is a fish wet? Does Kylo Ren kill Jedis for fun?”

As if the words falling from your lips summoned his presence, the masked crusader appeared out of thin air, his hulking form standing in the doorway. 

“Yes. He does.” 

Phasma shot out of her chair at the sound of his voice, hand snapping to salute her commander. 

“Sir.”

He remained in the doorway. “How is she?”

“Stable, sir. She woke up moments ago.”

You scowled at the ceiling, refusing to look in his direction. 

“You’re excused, Phasma.”

_Oh I think the fuck not._

“She’s staying.” You stated harshly, eyes still cast upwards. 

“I said you’re excused, Phasma.”

“ _No._ She isn’t.”

Phasma looked between the two of you, stuck at a crossroads.

“ _Phasma,_ ” Kylo growled.

She nodded. “My apologies, Yara. Feel better.”

She saluted Kylo one last time before slipping past him and out the door. 

It was just the two of you. 

Your eyes stayed glued on the ceiling. You could feel his on you.

**Silence.**

You weren’t going to break first. You’d win this battle. 

“Childish.”

_You bet your ass I am._

He stepped closer. The door slid shut. 

“Look at me.”

_How ‘bout no._

A few more steps.

_You don’t intimidate me._

A few more steps. 

“I’m not trying to.”

“Oh _please._ ”

“Ah. She speaks.”

_Fuck._

Kylo sat in the chair Phasma previously occupied at your bedside. You saw the gleam of his mask in your peripheral. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked softly. It would’ve been sweet if it wasn’t blanketed by the vocoder. No. You yearned to hear his true voice, as much as that irked you. You longed to see those eyes. To make sure they were as warm as you vaguely remembered.

“Take it off.”

A pause. Kylo awkwardly adjusted himself in his seat and cleared his throat.

“I hardly see why that’s necessary.”

“Take it off.”

“No.” 

“Then leave.” 

“No.” 

“Oh my GOD,” you snapped, whipping your head to finally meet his stupid gaze. “Why not?!” 

His statuesque form just barely flinched, but you noticed. Of course you noticed. 

“Why not,” you said again, stating it more than asking. “Why.” 

Kylo said nothing. He only looked at you. You imagined his eyes. Imagined them roaming over you, taking you in. Darting back and forth from your eyes to your nose to your cheeks to your lips. You shivered.

So did he. 

Right before shooting out of his chair and storming out of the room.

“ **_UGH!_ **” you slammed your fists on the bed beside you. 

_Why am I sad?! I shouldn’t care in the fucking first place!_

But you did. 

Hot tears pricked at the corner of your eyes. It was absolutely infuriating. You just needed to know. Needed to know if something real lived inside that mask. If humanity existed behind those eyes. If they really were as warm and concerned for your wellbeing as you remembered. 

Or maybe he really was just a monster. 

“ **AHHHH,** ” an enraged roar boomed from outside the room, followed by the unmistakable sound of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber slashing against metal. 

_Oh for crying out loud!_

You ripped the IV out of your arm and swung your legs off the bed. Standing up was a lot harder than you remembered. Your body was weak. Weaker than you’d ever felt it. The world spun as you limped as fast as you could toward the door. 

**_SLASH SLASH SLASH_ **

You opened the door and turned into the living area. Kylo stood across the room, absolutely demolishing the far wall. 

“Kylo, stop.” 

**_SLASH_ **

“Kylo!”

You rushed toward him and grabbed his shoulder in an attempt to pull him away. The second you made contact he whirled around to face you. His hand shot out to grab you by the throat, his sputtering lightsaber at the ready in the other. His massive form heaved as his body shook, desperately gasping for air. 

You were calm. You had no idea how, but something told you he needed you to be. He wasn’t here. He was somewhere else, in pain, and you needed to bring him back. 

“Kylo…” you whispered softly. 

Reaching out, your hand slowly floated through the air until your palm rested gently against the side of his cold helmet. Kylo flinched at the contact, but made no move to stop it. His breathing began to slow and deepen. 

“It’s okay,” you breathed.

The crushing grip on your windpipe loosened as he came back to reality. His gloved hand smoothed against your skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake as it slid around to grasp the back of your neck, anchoring him to the present. His lightsaber slipped from his grasp, the chaotic red beam retracting as it hit the floor. 

“Kylo,” you whispered.

His free hand came to rest on top of yours as your thumb gently stroked the cool metal of his mask. 

“It’s okay.” 

Looking up at him with desperate eyes, you moved both hands to the undersides of his helmet. Upon finding the release latches, you paused, waiting for him to react.

He didn’t.

You pressed. The airlock released.

“Please.” 

He nodded and tilted his head down. It was as if time moved in slow motion. Your heart pounded. Why were you so nervous? 

Placing your hands on both sides, you lifted. 

A sea of thick raven hair covered his face as the dark knight looked at the ground. His hand clung to the back of your neck where it met your skull, winding its fingers through your hair for support. Kylo Ren took a shaky breath and slowly lifted his head. 

... _oh wow._

He was _beautiful._

The moment your eyes met, you forgot how to breathe. How to think. How to act. He looked at you with such a scared vulnerability it made you want to cry. 

You took him in. All of him. His long hair fell to his shoulders, framing his strong jaw and aquiline nose. Constellations of beauty marks painted his gossamer skin. Full, pouty lips pursed anxiously as he watched you with those eyes. Those fucking eyes. More beautiful than you remembered them. 

Kylo’s gaze darted nervously between yours. Waiting for something. Anything. The look he gave begged of you. 

Mesmerized, you said the only thing your brain was capable of. 

“Hi.” 

Kylo let out a shaky breath laced with shock and relief. There was something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on. A certain curiosity no one had ever looked at you with before. 

He swallowed thickly and parted his lips.

“Hello.” 

.

.

.

_....Oh I’m fucking doomed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aHhHhHhHhH !!!
> 
> Let me know what you think. Comments give me life and keep me going. ESPECIALLY in quarantine. stay safe friends.


	7. Aftershock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know why The Force has laid dormant inside of you for so long. But it’s awake. Fully grown. Untrained and feral.” Kylo stared off into space as he spoke. “Having that kind of power and being able to control it are two different things. Go too far into the Dark Side and it will consume you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lil angst and some juicy plot setup for ya. Happy Quarantine!

_That scar._

It cut his face clean in half.

It was bad ass. 

It was hot. 

You wanted one.

Kylo scoffed.

“No you don’t.”

Good god his voice was deep. 

His thumb slowly caressed the back of your neck.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s not exactly comfortable.”

“I’m sure not at first. But then it heals.”

“Yes it heals.”

“And then it looks badass.”

He looked at you with soft amusement. “I guess. I’ve never thought of it that way.”

This confused you. All warriors took pride in their battle scars.

“Why not?”

He let out a deep breath.

“This scar reminds me of my failure. Not my victory.”

Your hand curled deeper into the fabric over his chest. 

“Did you almost die?”

His face remained stoic.

“Yes.”

“But you survived?”

“...Yes. I did.”

How did he not see? You lifted your hand and slowly traced your finger over the trail of maimed skin. It cut deep into his flesh. 

Kylo inhaled heavily at your touch. 

Survival was crucial. Survival was commendable. 

“Survival is important,” you whispered.

Kylo watched you as you ran your finger along his cheek, over his jaw and further down his neck. Taking in your fascination with the thing he deemed most terrible about himself. 

You stopped at the seam of his collar where the scar disappeared under his clothing.

“Survival is strength.” 

You flushed at the breathless quiver in your voice.

Kylo let out a deep breath at your words. Your heart thumped against your rib cage, chest rising and falling in sync with his own as your eyes found his again.

Those eyes.

They looked at you. Not through you, but into you. Past the facade. Straight to your core. It was a connection unlike anything you had felt before. 

You saw him. 

Just as clearly. 

The man behind the mask. The tsunami of emotion underneath that detached disguise. It churned so violently, just as yours did. All the time. 

Surely he felt it. 

For longer than a moment, the two of you simply looked at each other. Overtaken by _something._

His hand hadn’t left your neck. Yours remained on his chest as the other held the mask at your side. The foot of space between you seemed to shrink by the second.

The moments drifted on as you cloudily contemplated his face. 

_Why does it feel so…_

_So…_

_Hypnotic._

You felt dizzy.

“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” Kylo finally spoke, voice hushed and laced with dreamy concern. 

You chuckled softly as your legs began to weaken from gravity’s strain. “You shouldn’t be destroying innocent walls.”

As your knees threateningly buckled under you, Kylo’s arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you against his body as the other remained at the base of your skull, holding you up. Catching you before you fell. 

“My walls, my rules.”

 _His chambers._ “Is that where I am, then?”

“I would’ve taken you to your own if a certain comm link would let my troopers clean your mess without sounding off the alarm system.”

_Sunny, my mf giiiirl._

You giggled lazily. “That’s hilarious.”

Kylo chuckled softly. 

“I’m glad the drugs are working kindly for you.”

You recalled the IV you had ripped out of your arm. _Ah, yes. The many painkillers recently pumped into my body. Forgot about those._

Kylo ducked down and curled his arm under your knees, picking you up. You felt so small as he tucked you against his chest. 

As he walked to the bedroom you remembered something. 

“I’m supposed to be mad at you.” It came out as a whisper rather than the harsh tone you wanted. 

His bulking arms flexed against your body as he walked through the door and lowered you onto the bed. 

“You can resume that tomorrow.” He lifted the silky blankets and tucked them over you. “For now, sleep.”

He picked up the IV and held your wrist. You pulled it away.

“No.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Why not?”

“I want to be sure this is real when I wake up.”

His voice lowered, velvet with meaning. 

“It will be real.”

He pushed the needle back into your skin. You hardly felt it. 

Those dreamy brown eyes were going to kill you. 

“Okay,” you breathed as consciousness began to fade away. _“_ Okay.”

***

_Okay i’m definitely dead this time._

A splitting headache hammered at your skull. You were fucking freezing. Slipping back into consciousness, your brain sluggishly tried to recall the past however many hours it had been.

You absolutely _hated_ those fictional stories, usually romances, where the main character woke up after some crazy event and couldn’t remember where they were until it all came tumbling back to them. 

It always seemed so unrealistic. So dramatic. _Like, of course you’d remember where you were. That doesn’t happen in real life._

That was before you came to know the good ole Force. 

Now you realized it was quite possible. You didn’t have a clue. 

The IV in your arm rang a few bells. _Painkillers._ Your shivering body provided a few context clues. _I’ve felt this coldness recently._ You felt around. _Silk sheets. I’m not in my chambers._ You looked down at your arms, littered with cuts and bruises. Knuckles severely bruised. _Someone definitely pissed me off._

And perhaps the biggest clue of them all appeared in the doorway just moments later. 

Kylo Ren’s _un-fucking-masked, real-ass_ **_face._ **

Yeah, the stories didn’t seem so dramatic anymore. 

It allllllllllll came crashing back to you. 

It was almost comical.

It was actually hilarious. 

You burst out laughing. 

Kylo looked at you as if you were absolutely _insane._ Maybe you were. You felt like it. Laughter was your favorite medicine. If you can’t laugh at something, you let it have control over you. Finding yourself in a situation in which you had ZERO control over literally anything, what else were you supposed to do? 

“You’re _never_ going to believe the day I’ve had.”

Kylo quirked an eyebrow, startled into the beginnings of a smile. You giggled even harder. Trying (and failing) to repress his amusement, Kylo shook his head.

“That was the exact opposite of what I expected you to say.”

You were fully guttural laughing now. Kylo softly chuckled across the room, astounded by your ridiculousness.

“Always keep them guessing, as I like to say-” 

Suddenly, An invisible frostbitten bolt of lightning struck your body, cutting you off from your words. You cried out at the surge of biting pain, leaving you unable to breathe and convulsing from head to toe. 

Kylo rushed to your side. 

The pain ricocheted throughout your body, not letting up its intensity.

All you could do was scream. 

Kylo dropped to his knees at the side of the bed, leveling his face with yours as tears spilled from your clamped eyes onto the silky black pillow. 

You were on fire. You were submerged in ice. Pain zapped your body at every angle.

Kylo hurriedly took your face in his hands and turned it towards his own. 

“Focus on your breath.”

You wailed through clenched teeth, focusing your limited attention on stopping the source of the torment.

“Don’t focus on that. Find your breath.”

You wildly shook your head. _I CAN’T. I CAN’T!_

“Yes you can. Look at me.”

_I CAN’T._

“Open your eyes and look at me, Yara.”

It was like tearing superglue off your eyeballs. Each eyelid weighed a million pounds, but you managed to squint them open. Tears clouded your vision, the air felt like acid on your retinas, but you latched onto those brown eyes and didn’t let go. 

“It will pass,” Kylo spoke, hands still cradling your face, just inches away. You whimpered helplessly. 

“I know,” he whispered, stroking his thumb over your cheek. “I know it hurts.”

Your eyes pleaded with him. _Make it stop._

Anger. Hurt. Hatred. Fury. They began flowing through your entire being. 

**_Rage._ **

“Not much longer,” he uttered softly. “I promise.”

**_Fury._ **

“Reign in your emotions. Don’t let them consume you.”

**_Pain._ **

“Breathe with me.”

He took a deep inhale. You tried. You tried so hard but your hyperventilating lungs wanted no part of it. 

Kylo placed his large, ungloved hand over your heart and applied pressure to your chest. Warmth radiated from his palm. 

“Breathe into my hand.” 

You did. In and out. The pressure was oddly soothing, you felt your heart start to calm. 

“That’s it.” 

The pain began to subside with each exhale. The rage began to temper. Breath came easier. 

You never took your eyes off him. Warmth slowly spread through your chest as you breathed in sync. Butterflies his gentle gaze gave you slowly filled the pit in your stomach.

In and out. 

In and out. 

In and out. 

And then it was gone. It vanished as suddenly as it struck, leaving nothing but a whisper of aching in your bones. You looked down at his hand on your chest.

“How did you do that?” your voice shook, strained with exhaustion.

“Deep touch pressure. It increases activity in the parasympathetic division, and lowers activity in the sympathetic division of your Autonomic Nervous System.”

“...Huh?”

“It assists in lowering your heart rate and blood pressure. Calms you down.” 

“Oh.” Science was never your strong suit. After a brief pause, you looked back at him. Scared out of your mind. 

“What’s happening to me?”

Kylo sighed. “Aftershocks.”

He said it with familiarity. As if it was something he knew well. 

_Huh?_

“You experienced the Dark Side on a deep level. Maybe a little too deep for your first time.”

_No shit._

“I don’t know why The Force has laid dormant inside of you for so long. But it’s awake. Fully grown. Untrained and feral.” Kylo stared off into space as he spoke. “Having that kind of power and being able to control it are two different things. Go too far into the Dark Side and it will consume you.”

He turned his maple gaze back to you. 

“You’re powerful, Yara. More powerful than we expected.”

The deep rumble in his voice made you shiver. 

“This may happen a few more times, you need to stay in control or else you’ll-”

“A few more times?!?”

He paused. “Possibly.”

The deep swell of anger seeped back in the pit of your stomach. The spell his eyes put on you broke. You once again remembered you were fucking pissed at him. So what if he helped you? None of this would be happening if it weren’t for him in the first place! 

_This is all your fault._

His hands slowly retracted from your body. 

“You did this,” you growled. You were so **mad.** Mad at all of this. Mad at him. At yourself. Mad at the entire universe. Why? _Why me?_

“Yara-”

“Stop,” you barked. 

It was too much. Too overwhelming. SO confusing. **HE** was so confusing.

Your voice lowered to a whisper, shaking at the threat of tears.

“Just…” a sob almost slipped out.

“I just need to be alone.”

Kylo nodded. You couldn’t look at him.

“Okay.”

He gave you one last lingering glance before standing and walking out the door. 

.

.

.

Burying your face in the silky black pillow, you screamed. Over and over again. You screamed until you had no breath left to give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see what Snoke has to say next chapter, shall we? 
> 
> As always, lmk what you think. Hearing from you guys in the comments means so much to me. Love you all, stay safe <3


	8. That night and the morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a few breaths, the commander of the First Order, the second-most feared man across the galaxy, wrapped his arms around your figure and pulled you to him. His crushing grip held you against his rock-solid body as he buried his face into the space between your neck and shoulder. 
> 
> You wrapped your arms around his torso and did the same. 
> 
> Time stood still. Neither of you dared to move, too scared of losing the comfort you found in that moment. In each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have come to destroy you with fluff.
> 
> mwahahaha.

Hours had passed. Sleep had not found you. Nor you, it.

So you just laid there. Engulfed in black silk. Staring at the ceiling. Waiting for the moment pain reclaimed your body as its own. It was terrifying. Waiting for an invisible enemy to carry out its attack. An invisible enemy you were helpless against. 

_Pathetic._

You wondered if Kylo was still in the other room. Or if he had gone off to do whatever commander things he was in charge of. If he cared at all. You chastised yourself for even wondering. 

_He’s done nothing but hurt._

You thought back to the semi-conscious bath Phasma had given you the day before, remembering the hazy realization you had come to alone in the steaming water. 

_This is exactly what Snoke wants._

Of course it was. 

_Ugh._

It wasn’t fun.

Somehow, Snoke has sensed The Force inside of you from across the galaxy. The exact Force that had laid dormant for _years._ The first time you experienced it you had shoved it down. Too broken to understand what had happened. Too dead inside to realize what it was. 

Obviously it all made sense now. 

Reliving this was imperative to you finding the Force again. This frustrated you. 

Because, obviously, Kylo didn’t really have a choice. _I mean, he could’ve been nicer about it._

You wanted to be mad at him so _bad._ You wanted to blame _someone._ Blaming Snoke wasn’t a possibility. He’d sense that doubt in you a million miles away. 

Maybe no one was to blame. Maybe the Force was to blame. _Maybe_ **_I’m_ ** _to blame._

Whichever it was, you had to deal with it. It was all a part of a greater plan Snoke had weaved together. You were powerless against that. All you could do was trust the process. No questions asked. 

_Trust._ Something you hadn’t done in a long time. 

_I’m not sure I remember how-_

**Pain.**

It hit you all at once. 

**Pain.**

You tried to fight it, like a bantha in a china shop, you flailed around the bed with clenched teeth, trying to push it away. 

_Find your breath, remember what Kylo said._

In and out. In and out.

You could do it yourself. You were strong enough. 

In and out.

It wasn’t working. 

Flashes of your past flew behind your eyelids, over and over again, manifesting the pain you felt then on top of the agony you felt now. 

**Pain.**

_Don’t scream. Don’t scream._

**Cold.**

_Don’t give in._

**Anger.**

It overwhelmed you, like a tornado of emotion repeatedly sweeping you up and slamming you to the ground.

The strength you so desperately needed was nowhere to be found. 

You needed help. 

You needed him. 

“ **KYLO!!!** ” his name ripped from your throat, laced with agony and wanting. 

As if he appeared out of nowhere, the dark knight was at your side in an instant, scooping you up and tucking you to his chest. 

“Kylo,” you sobbed.

“It’s okay,” he said softly. “Breathe.” 

Gritting your teeth, a moan of torture escaped your lips as the electric shocks continued to strike your being.

“Listen,” he held your head tighter to his chest. “Listen to my breath.” 

You listened.

It was calm. Deep. _In and out._

You heard the beat of his heart. It thumped wildly in his chest. Like he was scared. Scared for _you._ Worried. _For me._

As he held you tenderly in his arms, you allowed the dichotomy of his calm breath and wild heart to drown out all thought and feeling. You caught your breath, eventually matching his own. 

You inhaled and exhaled in tandem. 

“Check in with your senses,” Kylo whispered in your ear after a few moments. “Ground yourself to the present.” 

_How?_

“What do you hear?”

_I hear your heartbeat. Your breath._

“What do you feel?”

_I feel your shirt against my cheek. Your hand on my head._

He stroked your hair softly.

“Keep going.”

 _I smell pine._ You lifted your head slightly until the ends of his hair tickled your nose and inhaled deeply. _Teakwood and lavender._

Kylo pulled back, just enough to look into your red eyes, swollen from tears. His large hand still cradling the back of your head. 

“I see you,” you whispered. 

Kylo swallowed, his lips twitched ever so gently. 

“I see you,” his voice rumbled deep in his chest. 

Neither of you looked away. Locked in a trance, swimming in each other’s gaze, pain completely forgotten. 

Kylo was the first to break it. He looked down at the thin space between you two. 

“Yara…” _chills. “_ I’m so sorry.”

There was a quiver in his voice, like he was barely keeping it together.

“I forgive you.” 

His head snapped back up, dreamy brown eyes swimming with disbelief and confusion connecting again with yours.

“Why?” 

Your heart panged. Had he ever heard those words before? Once again he had saved you from yourself. Was there for you. You found yourself accepting reality, no longer able to blame him. 

“This is Snoke’s will.” You took a deep breath. “As painful as it was, you awakened the Force in me.” 

Your hand found his and squeezed. 

“I needed to relive my trauma to find my full strength. My full potential. And I have you to thank.” 

Kylo’s eyes sparkled with the threat of tears he held at bay. 

“Thank you,” you whispered. “I am better because of you.” 

After a few breaths, the commander of the First Order, the second-most feared man across the galaxy, wrapped his arms around your figure and pulled you to him. His crushing grip held you against his rock-solid body as he buried his face into the space between your neck and shoulder. 

You wrapped your arms around his torso and did the same. 

Time stood still. Neither of you dared to move, too scared of losing the comfort you found in that moment. In each other. 

Exhaustion began to creep its way into your bones. Kylo must have sensed it too. 

Without letting you go, Kylo swung his legs onto the bed and gently laid back. As he lifted the blankets over the two of you with the Force, you nuzzled your face deeper into his neck. 

_Pine, teakwood and lavender._

It made your head buzz, drunk off the scent of him.

As sleep slowly claimed you, the gentle press of warm lips to the top of your head was the last thing you felt before succumbing to darkness.

“Thank you, Yara.” 

****

Never in your life had you slept so soundly. 

Life as an assassin meant you were always on guard. Ready for an attack at any moment. There was no time to be vulnerable. Even in sleep you needed to remain alert to danger.

But _this,_ Kylo’s arms tightly wound around your body as you slept on his chest throughout the night… _never_ had you felt so safe. So at ease. Able to rest without fear of the outside world. 

It was indescribable. 

You’d always brushed off anyone’s offer of protection. Always too prideful to accept. You could take care of yourself. 

But, _my god,_ it felt good. _He_ felt good. 

You opened your eyes and looked up at him from your place over his heart.

His face was so calm. So peaceful. You wondered when the last time he got a good night’s rest was. If he were anything like you it didn’t happen too often. 

_Anything like me._

_Is he?_

The connection you felt last night had your heart thinking yes. Your mind was stubborn though, not wanting to completely accept your miserable similarities. 

However, you knew for sure Kylo Ren did not have an easy life. Never did. Survivors recognized survivors. 

_Does he feel safe too? Here. With me._

You hoped so. 

As you looked on, Kylo began to stir from his slumber. Reflexively tightening his arms around you, he exhaled a sigh of _comfort? relief? both?_ as he came to consciousness. 

Those amber eyes found yours immediately. 

“Hi,” you whispered.

They warmed at the sight of you. 

“Hello,” he said fondly. 

Long seconds passed as you both became aware of the situation you found yourselves in. Limbs wrapped around limbs. Bodies cradled together. Faces inches apart. 

The look on his face told you he was thinking the exact same thing you were. 

_I like this a lot._

Kylo inhaled, about to speak when someone frantically started banging on the door. 

“Fucking hell,” Kylo cursed. He took one last look at you before sliding out from under your body and out of bed. Throwing on a black long-sleeved shirt over the loose sleeveless one he had slept in, he walked out of the room and toward the entrance.

You would have followed him but you were too busy picking your jaw up off the ground. His fucking _arms._ You mourned the loss of seeing them in the flesh. 

_Oh my God, get yourself together._

Hopping out of bed, you landed on weak legs. Once the dizziness of standing subsided, you slowly walked to the main room. 

Upon entering, the sight of Hux greeted you from the doorway. 

“Ah, Miss Scott. How are you feeling?” 

“Just peachy,” you replied sarcastically but not rudely. You had been kind of a dick to him earlier. “Thanks for asking.” You flashed him a warm smile. 

Hux’s ears turned bright red. “Y-yes, of course, Miss Scott.” 

“Yara.” you corrected him. He turned an even brighter shade of red. Okay maybe you were toying with him just a _little_ , but it sure as hell cheered you up. 

Kylo cleared his throat, obviously annoyed. 

“Why are you here?”

Hux shook himself from the mini trance you put him in, slightly embarrassed, and got back to business the best he could. 

“Snoke requests an audience with Yara.” 

_Oh shit._

“I would be happy to escort you to-”

“That won’t be necessary,” Kylo cut him off with a growl. “I’ll take her.” 

Before Hux could protest, Kylo cut off his next words with a wave of his hand.

“This is a matter of the Force. Something you know little about. Go do something else.” 

And with that, Kylo Force pushed him out of the room and slammed the door.

Your amusement must have been written all over your face at that exchange. Kylo held up his hand as if to say, “I don’t want to hear it.” 

A smile formed on your lips at his possessiveness. At least that’s what you _thought_ it was. Whatever it was you _liked_ it. 

The frustration in his face vanished, transforming into a yearning that made you shiver. 

_I just want to go back to bed._

“I know,” Kylo sighed. “But Snoke is waiting.” 

***

After throwing on some leggings and a long-sleeved shirt that had avoided your Force-fueled rage in your destroyed chambers, you found yourself approaching your new master.

With Kylo at your side, you kneeled at the foot of his throne and bowed your head.

“Supreme Leader.”

“Yara,” his voice oozed with pleasure. “It is good to see you.” 

“It is my honor, Supreme Leader.” 

“Rise.” 

You did as you were told.

“Look at me,” Snoke commanded. Your eyes met his. 

A terrifying smile danced across his mangled face. 

“You’ve changed, my child.” 

Swallowing thickly, you responded as confidently as you could manage. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” 

“Kylo Ren seems to have played a great deal in this awakening.” 

“Yes, Supreme Leader. His guidance has opened my mind to its true potential.”

Snoke glanced at his knight, eyeing him carefully. 

“Well done, my apprentice.” 

His grueling attention returned to you.

“And how do you feel?” 

You thought about that for a moment. _How do I feel? A lot of things._

But there was one in particular that rose above the rest. 

“Powerful.” 

His wolfish grin spread even larger. It was the scariest thing you’d ever seen. 

“Excellent,” he purred. An underlying excitement carried his words. “Your awakening has begun.”

He turned to the dark knight beside you, leaning toward him. “Kylo Ren, I leave it to you to teach her everything you know. Do not take this lightly. She must be prepared before beginning the next level of training with me. Help her. Mold her into the weapon she is destined to be. The weapon that you are.” 

“Yes, Master.” 

“Good,” Snoke settled back on his throne. “Good.” 

“Before that however,” he continued, “there is something Yara must do.” 

_Huh?_ What else could there possibly be?

Snoke looked at you, so deep it was as if he saw through your very soul. 

“All those years ago, the day this all began, _one man_ got away.” 

Your breath caught in your throat. 

“The man who escaped with his life, and your dignity in his back pocket.” 

Your heart threatened to pound through your chest as the anger in you rose.

“Avenge your pain. Let it fuel your new beginning.” 

_Yes._

“Find him,” Snoke spat. “And destroy him.” 

**_Yes._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo! we're going on our first missionnnn!!! stay tuned for some badass Yara shit. also fluff. lots of fluff. 
> 
> Stay safe out there, friends. I hope this little story can give you some kind of escape from the craziness we're all living through.  
> Be strong. Wash your hands. And, as always, let me know what you think! (i crave validation. typical writer.) 
> 
> Love you all <3


	9. The precipice of justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Take out anyone you see,” you directed Kylo as you navigated the building. “He’ll be surrounded by no less than 6 guards. Do as you wish to them.” 
> 
> You growled through your teeth. 
> 
> “But Irvadi is mine.”
> 
> You half expected him to argue. No commander liked taking commands. Especially the unstable Kylo Ren. 
> 
> However, as you approached the room that held your target, he stopped and put a hand on your shoulder right outside the door.
> 
> You looked up at him, breathing heavily. The Force of him fueled your energy, vicious and deadly. 
> 
> “Make him pay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, friends! sorry it's a few days late. i had to think long and hard about this one. We're getting to the good stuff. 
> 
> Enjoy!!!
> 
> The inspo for Yara's makeup look is posted at the bottom!

The time for games was over. 

You were on a mission.

And you were fucking _stoked._

You stood at the center of your chambers. Still lovingly destroyed in tatters. 

“Thanks, Sunny!”

**Of course, Yara.**

_What to bring, what to bring…_

The weapons of mass destruction you had collected over the years surrounded you. Usually you knew exactly what you wanted when embarking on a mission. 

_But…_

This felt different. 

You found your favorite blaster laying in the wreckage. Picking it out from under debri, it felt different in your hand. The weight of it didn’t feel familiar. As if the years you had fought it with meant nothing. 

_Odd._

You clipped it to your belt. It felt weird even there. 

Normally you’d bring backup. Extra ammo, substitute weapons in case things got dirty. But something held you back… a feeling that said you didn’t need anything at all...

You put a knife in a holster around your thigh just in case.

_I’m in my head._

Chalking it up to the past 48 hours rocking your entire world, you shoved it to the back of your mind the best you could. You felt off and would get readjusted eventually. 

_As if the next however many hours won’t do the exact same._

He was out there. You were going back. And he was going to die. 

Never had you given it any thought. Going back and getting your revenge. You fought so hard to kill the past, revisiting it was out of the question. 

But things were different now. 

You walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. A diagonal crack split the reflection of your face clean in half. It reminded you of him. 

_A survivor._

Just like you.

Even more than that…

_A motherfucking killing machine._

In that moment, a power you hadn’t felt in what felt like forever crept back into your body. 

_Enough wallowing,_ it screamed. You _weren’t weak._ And you were sick of acting like it. No more tears. No more fear. 

_I am_ **_that_ ** _bad bitch._

You threw your long hair up in a tall ponytail, sleek and cascading down your back. A thick kohl liner sat in the sink next to other broken cosmetics the Order stocked your drawers with. You picked it up and examined it closely. 

_Kylo Ren shouldn’t be the only one with a signature look._

You dragged it along your upper and lower lids, blending it across the bridge of your nose and back over your temples and upper cheek bones. 

It was a mask of your own design, reminiscent of the female-warrior tribes you had come across in your many adventures across the galaxy. It complimented the skin-tight black body armor and boots the First Order fashioned just for you. It was fucking bad ass. 

_Lethal, some may say._

One last look at yourself and it was time. 

Time to reclaim your power.

You threw your fist at the mirror, punching your knuckles against the cracked surface. The rest of the glass shattered, joining the other victims of your emotion on the countertop and floor. 

***

The double doors to Snoke’s throne room flew open as you strutted down the long walkway toward your master. 

Kylo Ren and Hux stood at the foot of the throne. 

Snoke let out a boisterous bark of laughter upon first sight of you. The exact response you had hoped for. 

“ **Yes!** ” he clapped his decrepit hands together. “Yara, you have yet to disappoint me. What **power** you radiate!”

Both Kylo and Hux turned as you approached. Hux’s jaw practically hit the floor. _Adorable._ Kylo’s helmet, which was annoyingly back on, blocked his reaction, but you felt his eyes boring into you and that was enough. 

You stopped and stood at attention in between the two men. 

“You look positively lethal, my child.” 

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.” 

The two men had yet to look away. 

Snoke chuckled. “It seems my men would agree with me.”

 _That_ got their attention, snapping them both from their trances. Hux cleared his throat, a deep blush coating his face. Kylo’s fists clenched. 

It felt good. Another rush of power you had so missed the past few days.

You caught yourself wishing he wasn’t wearing that helmet-

_Ew, shut up. Stop. No more of that._

He had aided you when you needed it but you weren’t a helpless newbie to the Force anymore. Well, still a newbie, but definitely no longer helpless. 

Back to relying on yourself. You needed no one. 

“Kylo Ren and Yara,” Snoke carried on. “Your mission awaits. Go now.” 

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” you said in unison. 

“Will they need a squadron of troopers, Supreme Leader?” Hux spoke up.

“No, that will not be necessary. I trust them to carry this out on their own.” Snoke narrowed his eyes at you. “After all, this is personal.”

A fire lit in your belly. _Yes it is._

***

Hux accompanied Kylo and you to the shuttle you’d be taking. It was unmarked as to not raise any suspicion upon arriving at the destination.

“Safe travels,” he said as the ramp lowered. 

“Feeling sentimental are we, General?” Kylo taunted.

“Well I- no! I- I most certainly-” Hux began to sputter.

You decided to save him from his misery. “Thank you, General. We’ll be sure to update you upon our return.” You gave him a smile and made your way up into the ship.

“I recommend you avert your eyes, Hux” Kylo snarled to him under his breath from behind you. 

You smirked and rolled your eyes. _Men._

Placing yourself in the co-pilot chair, Kylo walked in behind you and paused in the doorway. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t claim the pilot’s seat.”

You huffed a laugh as you flipped a slew of switches and buttons preparing the shuttle for takeoff.

“I’m not in the mood to deal with any hissy fits today,” you nodded toward the open seat, “it’s all you, Commander.”

You felt his anger flare at that. You snickered and turned to him.

“Chill. Let’s go.”

That stone cold mask stared for a moment longer before plopping into the seat with an annoyed _hmph._

_Men._

***

The journey would take 14 hours.

You didn’t mind the travel time. It gave you some space to collect your thoughts and focus on the task at hand.

Kylo and you sat in your seats, unmoving. Neither of you had spoken since takeoff. 

You looked at the clock. 

Four hours in. Ten to go. 

Ten hours until you landed on your home planet.

Orrun. A hellhole of a place.

_Home._

_As if it ever was one._

A prison was more like it. 

A work camp.

A place you were dumped. Disposed of. Forgotten.

“I’ve never been to Orrun,” Kylo spoke, breaking you from your thoughts. 

“Lucky you.”

A few minutes passed in silence. 

“You were born there?”

“I might as well have been.” 

A few more. 

“How did you end up there?”

You shot him a glare. “Since when have you been a big conversation guy?”

Sure, you were being defensive but _ugh._

Kylo looked away and snarled through the mask. “Nevermind.”

You sighed, giving into his curiosity. Surprised he even cared at all.

“I don't know where I was born. Probably on a shuttle in space.”

He turned your way, watching as you stared straight ahead into the galaxy racing by. 

“They smuggled Spice. My parents. Wasn’t long before they were hooked on it too. They began to dip into the supply, which their employers didn’t care for. Beat ‘em up real good so they’d knock it off.”

Kylo listened quietly.

“They landed on Orrun one day to re-up with the cartel but couldn’t afford the extra they wanted for themselves. Their leader thought I was a fair trade. They’d be foolish to pass up that opportunity,” you sarcastically added. “One less mouth to feed. Saves you tons of money.”

You huffed a quiet laugh. 

“So they left me. I was seven.” 

He said nothing. You knew he wanted to ask more but didn’t want to push his limits. It was kind of him. 

“I was a slave. Did whatever they told me.”

Your throat tightened.

“Irvadi Ligvaus,” saying his name sent a dreadful shiver up your spine. “The head of the cartel. He took a liking to me as I grew. Saw the potential. Threw me in with his soldiers and trained me as an assassin.”

You shrugged. 

“Had my first kill when I was 13. I guess you could say I was his prodigy or whatever. For years I was his favorite weapon. Kept me close to his side. I could do no wrong in his eyes.” 

The lump in your throat threatened to burst but you held it at bay.

“Until three days after my 18th birthday, I finally did...”

You trailed off. 

“Well, you know the rest. That was six years ago. Haven’t seen him since.” 

You glanced over at him after a few more minutes of silence. His mask simply looked at you. Normally it’d irk you that he had his stupid helmet on, but for once you were thankful. Something about his eyes made you feel way too vulnerable. Something you didn’t need right now. 

“Anyways,” you stood from your seat, “shit happens. I’m gonna rest in one of the cabins.”

As you made your way out the door, Kylo’s disguised voice called your name. You turned to look at him.

“We’ll make him pay.”

A small smile formed on your lips. Nodding, you turned and walked away.

***

After a couple hours of sleep and a few more of sitting around, the shuttle slowly touched down on rocky terrain outside the city. 

_Disgusting._ Just as you remembered it. 

Following Kylo down the ramp, you both pulled your cowls over your heads. It was the dead of night, but this city never slept and you weren’t taking any chances.

“Follow me,” you whispered and took the lead. 

Sneaking around corners and through back allies, avoiding the plethora of armed men patrolling the streets, you silently made your way until reaching your final destination. 

Two guards stood at the main doors of the cartel’s main headquarters. You looked at Kylo and he nodded, a silent understanding of what needed to happen next.

The guards grabbed at their throats, choking and sputtering as they struggled for air until they fell limp to the ground. 

The two of you ran for the door, slipping in without a sound.

“He’s in there,” you whispered to Kylo. “I can feel it.” 

“Good,” Kylo nodded. “Focus on his energy.”

You nodded, shutting your eyes and reaching out with all your senses.

_Got him._

“He’s in the throne room.”

“He has a _throne room_?” Kylo scoffed.

“A poor excuse for one, yes.”

You began to walk down the hall. 

“Take out anyone you see,” you directed Kylo as you navigated the building. “He’ll be surrounded by no less than 6 guards. Do as you wish to them.” 

You growled through your teeth. 

“But Irvadi is mine.”

You half expected him to argue. No commander liked taking commands. Especially the unstable Kylo Ren. 

However, as you approached the room that held your target, he stopped and put a hand on your shoulder right outside the door.

You looked up at him, breathing heavily. The Force of him fueled your energy, vicious and deadly. 

“Make him pay.”

A wolfish grin spread across your face. At that moment you were utterly grateful for his partnership. He had your back. You hadn’t known what that felt like until this very moment. 

He leaned forward, closing the short space between you. You met him halfway, foreheads coming to rest against the other. Warm skin against cold metal. 

The Force swirled around you, charging the raging darkness you both so deeply shared. Taking a deep breath, you turned, harshly swiveling on your back foot, and kicked the door down. 

.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she boutta pop off.  
> not as fluff-heavy but i promise i'll make it up to you next chapter. it's gonna get steamy.
> 
> thank you all for the kudos/comments. they keep me strong. 
> 
> lmk what you thiiiink.


	10. Sweet revenge and more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You narrowed your eyes back, unwittingly leaning toward him as you held eye contact. “Is that a challenge?” 
> 
> Kylo drew even closer, as if there was a gravitational pull neither of you could withstand. His warm breath tickled your cheeks. 
> 
> “Do you want it to be?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 10, double the length and double the fun. 
> 
> Prepare yourself. It's about to get cute as shit in here.

Blaster drawn, you stormed in with Kylo at your heels. 

Six men. Heavily armed. 

And there he sat. Bald head and a gnarly beard. Olive skin littered with scars and tattoos. At the end of the room upon his throne. Where precious gems would normally be, skulls of slain enemies lined the crest rail in their stead. 

_So tacky._

Irvadi took in the scene before him, a long pipe hanging from his lips. It smelled of Spice and decay. 

“Well, well, well… what do we have here?”

He took a deep inhale from the pipe. Smoke escaped his mouth as he spoke.

“It’s not every day the infamous Kylo Ren barges into my humble abode.” He stood and took a dramatic bow. “And he brought a companion. How lovely.”

Irvadi sauntered down a step from his chair and paused as he examined you from afar.

“Who might you be?”

The fire raged in your belly. 

“You know who I am,” you spat.

Irvadi froze at the sound of your voice. His eyebrows shot up, practically hitting his hairline. 

“I knew this day would come,” he murmured. 

The shock on his face slowly morphed into sick pleasure. 

“My sweet Yara has come back to me!”

He clapped his hands together.

“Oh, how I’ve missed my favorite girl.”

“I’m not your girl,” you growled. 

“Don’t be silly, Yara. You’ve always belonged with me. I can see you’ve come to your senses.”

“The only thing I’ve come to do is kill you!” 

Irvardi’s men drew their weapons at your outburst. Before they even had the opportunity to aim, Kylo threw his hand out, using the Force to slam all six men against the walls. The sound of shattering ribs and spines upon impact fueled your rage.

Kylo held them to the ground with the Force, ensuring no one would get in your way. 

You began to slowly walk toward Irvadi. 

“You’ve made quite a powerful friend, I see. What is he? Your little whore?”

Kylo’s anger flared at his words, you felt it swirl through the Force, but he held it at bay, allowing you this moment. You wondered when the last time he ever had to do that was. 

“Or, Yara, are you his?” He scratched his mangled beard as he stepped closer. “I’ll never forget the last time I saw you. Fighting for your life.”

“Shut up.”

“Crying for help as they tore at you. Utterly helpless.”

“Stop _talking._ ”

“I taught you a valuable lesson that day, sweet Yara. That _failure_ is _unacceptable.”_

“You saw what I did to those men. I will do the same to you.”

You both stopped, meeting in the middle of the room. 

“And now look at you,” he slowly eyed you up and down. “A beautiful warrior.” You fought the urge to gag. “I’m curious… have you failed a mission since then?”

You stared him down, unwilling to break eye contact. 

“Never.”

He smiled, baring the few rotted teeth he had. “You owe that to **ME**!” His voice boomed throughout the room, elation morphing into pure fury.

“And this is what I get in return?” he shook his head disapprovingly. “However, I was prepared for this. The moment you’d come back for revenge. You were too strong to underestimate. And so, I have an offer.”

“There is _nothing_ you can offer that will change my mind.”

“Oh, is there not?” Irvadi whistled. Soon after, a man in shackles stumbled into the room from behind a curtain, his hair covered his face as his head hung low. He was older, you could tell from the worn skin of his arms and legs through his tattered clothing. 

He stopped off to the side behind him, shaking in his decaying boots. 

Irvadi took a step closer. Then another. And another, until he was only inches away. He leaned in as you watched the old man slowly lift his head and whispered in your ear as realization settled in.

“Your father.”

Your heart absolutely plummeted. _My father._ Your chest tightened, limiting your ability to take a steady breath. Pulse racing faster and faster you thought it would burst. 

“Father,” you whispered.

“That right,” Irvadi cooed. “The man who put you here in the first place. If anyone is to blame… it’s him.”

You hardly recognized him. It had been 17 years, it could have been any other man. How could you be sure? But… you looked harder… and his eyes. They were the same as yours. 

“I offer you his life for mine,” Irvadi whispered in your ear. He leaned back and looked you in the eye. “For this is truly where your revenge lies.”

You stared back at him, his gaze coaxing you to accept. You looked back at the pathetic old man. Worn down and dirty. True scum of the world. Years of drug abuse written all over his face.

Slowly, you raised your blaster in your left hand, pointing it at the man who once brought you into the world. 

“Yara…” Kylo's masked voice warned from behind you.

“Shut up,” you spoke through gritted teeth.

Irvadi watched you, a breath of space away with an arrogant grin on his face. His voice was giddy with anticipation. “Kill him.”

The Dark Side swarmed you, filling your lungs, clouding your mind, buzzing throughout your entire body. What once felt overwhelming now felt a little more comfortable. Like greeting an acquaintance you had previously met. It was harsh but didn’t threaten to overtake you. And for the first time… you had a hold on it. The Force.

“KILL HIM!”

As he howled in delight, you reached your right hand behind you. With a single thought, Kylo Ren’s saber flew from his belt into your hand. Without skipping a beat you activated it with the Force and plunged it through Ivardi’s heart. 

His face was one of pure shock and horror as you brought it closer to yours, saber still penetrating his chest. Rank breath wheezed from his throat as you smiled at him. 

“Fuck you.”

And with that, you retracted the saber and he fell lifeless to the ground. 

A loud thump drew your attention away from your slain enemy. You looked over at your father, fallen to his knees, hands folded together at his heart in thanks.

“Yara…” he stuttered. “Thank you. I cannot thank you enough.” 

He rambled on, bowing at your feet. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! We were sick. We didn’t know what else to do. You mother and I-”

“Where is she?” 

“Who-”

“My mother,” you cut him off again. “Where is she?”

His chin trembled as tears flooded his eyes.

“She’s gone.”

You nodded. It was as you assumed. Her addiction ran deeper than most.

“B-but look at you now!” Your father placed a hand on his heart. “So beautiful. And strong with The Force! Never in our dreams did we-”

“Did you _what?_ ” you asked bitterly.

He said nothing.

“Think I’d amount to anything worth keeping?”

“No! I- no! We- we never-”

He shook violently as you approached him. 

“There is nothing you can say,” you whispered. Space and time seemed to stop as you raised the sputtering saber in your hand.

“Say hello to Mother for me.”

You swiftly brought the saber down across his throat, and then it was over. 

Two lifeless bodies laid at your feet. You turned away, not sparing them another glance. 

Kylo looked at you through the mask, hand still outstretched, holding the injured soldiers down with The Force. 

“Kill them all.”

He didn’t hesitate. A flick of his wrist snapped all six necks in unison. The sound of cracking bones sent a pleasurable chill throughout your body. You tossed his saber back to him and made your way to the door.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

***

You slumped back in the co-pilot chair once the shuttle was up off the ground and into lightspeed. Kylo slid his helmet off and did the same. Both of you stared off into the deep void of space in silence.

You sighed. 

“I’m fucking starving.”

Kylo looked at you as if he could hardly believe you were a real person. 

“ _That’s_ what’s on your mind right now?”

“Dude, it’s been like a full day since I last ate.” 

He stared incredulously. 

“How are you not hungry right now?” You looked at him expectantly. He didn’t budge. “What?!”

“Are you not the least bit bothered?!” 

“By what?”

“What do you mean _by what_?!” He slapped a palm to his forehead in disbelief. “Yara, you just killed your father.”

“Yeah that was certainly unexpected.”

“I mean, are- are you okay?!”

“ _No,_ because my stomach is currently eating itself!”

Kylo looked so absolutely irritated it would’ve been alarming if the hunger pains weren’t taking up your attention. 

You stood and walked to the main area of the shuttle. “Are there snacks anywhere?”

Kylo followed close behind as you started searching the cabin.

“How are you totally fine right now?! Are you not upset?!”

You stopped rummaging through the many drawers on the wall and turned to face him.

“Do you want me to be?”

“I-” he faltered. “I mean, no I don’t _want_ you to be.”

“Then what is this about?” You raised an eyebrow, waiting for some logical explanation as to why this bothered him so much. 

“It’s nothing.”

_Sure it’s not._

“It’s nothing!”

“Okay! Then why are you making such a big deal about it!?”

He froze, face twisted in anger. Suffering written in his eyes. You understood now why he _really_ wore that mask. He couldn’t hide his emotions. They were plastered all over his face. 

He almost looked scared. 

“Kylo…” you spoke gentler, trying to calm the tension he radiated. Those piercing eyes were so unbelievably _sad_ it almost broke your heart. “Are you okay?”

The energy in the air shifted as you saw the anger on his face melt into what you could only describe as the most sad puppy dog pouty face you’d ever seen.

“How?” His voice shook as he whispered. “How are you doing it?”

_Doing what?_

“Not caring.” 

A shaky exhale escaped his quivering lips. His eyes begged you of _something_ . _Anything_. You didn’t know what that was but tried to give it to him anyways.

Walking over to a bench built into the wall of the ship, you sat and patted the space next to you.

After a moment’s hesitation, he joined. He rested his elbows on his knees, gaze cast to the ground.

“Kylo, that man never loved me. He didn’t want me. He made that very clear every single day of my life until he finally got rid of me.” A chuckle of feigned amusement rumbled in your chest. “I can’t recall a single positive experience in the seven short years I knew him. I was just a punching bag. A burden.”

You shrugged.

“Irvadi wasn’t wrong. He was the reason I ended up a slave. And after some time, I realized I was better without him. I no longer grieved his absence, I celebrated it. And then he became nothing to me. I killed him in my mind a long time ago. Nothing’s really changed.”

You pulled your legs under you, readjusting to better face him. 

“Besides, killing Irvadi was an absolute joy and I’m not trying to let him ruin that.”

Kylo chuckled. Completely not what you were expecting, but you’d take it over what he was giving you before. You couldn’t deny that seeing him unhappy made you unhappy. Kylo finally sat up and looked at you with gentle eyes. 

“So,” you sighed. “I take it you got daddy issues too?” 

Kylo fully laughed at that one. It absolutely warmed your heart.

“You have no idea.”

“I’m sure I have some kind of idea.” You were smiling now. 

“Trust me,” Kylo shook his head, “you really don’t.”

“I’m sure I’ll figure it out,” you teased. Kylo narrowed his eyes at you with an unbearably attractive smirk on his face. 

“I’d like to see you try.”

...Was Kylo Ren _flirting_ with you? 

You narrowed your eyes back, unwittingly leaning toward him as you held eye contact. “Is that a challenge?” 

Kylo drew even closer, as if there was a gravitational pull neither of you could withstand. His warm breath tickled your cheeks. 

“Do you want it to be?” 

Your heart went wild. His voice was deep and husky and positively delicious. Heat rushed to your cheeks as the air around you shifted, becoming almost too warm for comfort.

This man made you _nervous_. 

Kylo studied your face intently, his playfulness replaced by a seriousness that threatened to steal your breath away. 

“You were incredible today.”

The murmur of his voice was quite possibly the hottest thing you’d ever heard. A heat seeped into your core that set your insides alight. You weren’t exactly starved for praise, but _damn_ if that didn’t get you even more worked up. The idea of him watching you made your stomach a fluttery mess. 

His eyes flickered to your mouth. 

_Is this happening?_

You bit your lip. Kylo let out a breath he had been holding as his arm slowly snaked around your waist. 

_This is happening._

He was so close, your noses brushed as your foreheads came to rest against each other. Closing your eyes, you were overwhelmed with the scent of him so close. Your mind buzzed like it was the world’s most powerful drug. 

You brought your hand to his face. Just as your lips began to touch, your fingertips brushed over his temple and the world around you vanished. You gasped as you were sucked into a vacuum and thrown to the ground in a place of pure darkness. 

_What the fuck is happening?_

Images began to flash before your eyes. 

_Kylo?_

A young boy with deep raven hair crying in the corner of his room, covering his ears as two voices argued outside the door. 

Thrashing in bed from nightmares. Breaking objects with the uncontrollable Force of his emotions. Screaming at the ominous voice that echoed all around you.

 _Snoke?_

You suddenly were standing in an open field. A teenaged Kylo watched as a ship took off into the sky. His tan robes matched those of the other children running around the temple far behind him. A hand rested on his shoulder as he turned away.

A man you recognized stood over Kylo as he slept. _Luke Skywalker?!_ His lightsaber drawn ready to attack. Kylo turned at the last second, lightsabers clashing as he ignited his to defend himself.

The room collapsed. 

The temple was engulfed in flames. Screams came from every direction.

And then it was silent. You looked down at two men standing on a bridge in what looked like a First Order ship. 

The mask of Kylo Ren faced an older man with silver hair. Bits and pieces of their conversation floated around you.

“Ben!”

_Ben?_

“Han Solo.”

_Whoa._

“The face of my son.”

“Weak like his father.”

“I’m being torn apart.”

The hiss of plasma. A red beam plunging through Han Solo’s heart.

It all happened so fast, repeating over and over again until you were thrown from the memory, your back slamming against the shuttle wall as you reentered reality. 

Tears streamed down your face as you gasped for air. Kylo Ren breathed just as heavily, looking at you with wild eyes.

“I- I-” you sputtered, at a complete loss for words. “Han Solo is-“

“ **NEVER** mention his name,” Kylo roared.

“I- I’m so sorry-”

“I don’t want your _pity,_ ” he spat. “Enter my mind again and I swear to you-”

“I have no idea how that happened!” 

“ **FUCK**!” Kylo yelled as he punched the wall of the shuttle. His whole body trembled.

“Oh come on!” Before you could say anything else he stormed out of the room. 

You were at an absolute loss for words.

He killed Han Solo. His father. Which meant Leia Organa, the leader of the _Resistance,_ was his _mother._ Which meant Luke Skywalker…

_Damn, he wasn’t kidding about the daddy issues._

***

Hours later, the shuttle finally landed. Kylo said nothing as he stormed down the ramp passed Hux who stood to greet you. 

The two of you watched as Stromtroopers practically dove out of his way.

“What’s gotten into him?” 

“Daddy issues.” 

Hux’s jaw dropped slightly before he caught himself. 

“He told you?” 

“No. I killed my father in front of him.” 

“Ah.”

“Then I accidentally slipped into his mind and saw... everything.”

“Oh dear,” Hux looked concerned. “How in the galaxy are you alive right now?” 

“Good question.” 

***

After stuffing your face with food and an hour-long shower, you tossed and turned in bed for hours before giving up completely. 

You were absolutely _exhausted,_ but your mind wouldn’t settle. It was confusing and annoying. It was too much. 

“There’s no way he could think I did that on purpose!” 

“ **Humans often tend to misinterpret situations that involve high-intensity emotion.** ” Sunny answered from its charging doc.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” 

“ **You said my name is Sunny.** ”

“It is.” You sighed. “Never mind. Just… Can you switch off for the night? No offense.”

“ **Of course, Yara.** ” 

Sunny powered down. You decided to make a cup of tea in the kitchen. _As if that’ll help anything._

You filled up the pot and set it on the stove top. As you went to grab a mug from the cabinet your door **_whooshed_ **open, scaring the living shit out of you. Whirling around with a yelp, you saw Kylo walk inside and stop when he laid eyes on you. 

_Seriously?!_

About to speak up and ask _why the fuck_ he thought he could barge in here in the middle of the night after being such a dick earlier, Kylo crossed the room and took your face in his hands. The words died in your throat as his lips slammed against yours, completely taking your breath away. 

The world disappeared as your lips melted against his. Without a second thought you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him back with a burning passion that threatened to consume you.

His lips were plush and commanding as they worked hungrily against yours. Electricity zipped up your spine as goosebumps littered your flesh. He backed you up until you were pinned against the wall, mouth never leaving yours. His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you flush against his body. 

You wound your fingers in his hair as you opened your mouth, caressing his tongue with your own. A primal moan rumbled deep in his chest. It was so fucking hot you could hardly stand it. 

Kylo pulled back slightly, looking deep into your eyes as you both struggled to catch your breath. He looked at you as if you were _treasure._ Something precious and worth caring for. It made you want to cry. You wanted to live in this moment forever. 

“Stay,” you whispered. 

That was all he needed. 

Kylo lifted you up, kissing you again as your legs wrapped around his waist and made his way to the bedroom. 

Never breaking contact, he lowered you onto the bed. You kissed and kissed, bodies tangled together, never letting up. It could’ve been minutes or hours, you’d never know, but after some time his large hand came to caress your cheek as you looked into each other’s eyes. 

Words weren’t necessary. You both knew. 

Kylo pressed a soft kiss to the tip of your nose before pulling your head to his chest. It was the sweetest thing you’d ever felt or seen, tears welled in your eyes as he held you close. What was he doing to you? 

As the world drifted away, the last thing you heard before succumbing to sleep was Kylo murmuring in your ear.

“Thank you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!!!!! 
> 
> PLS let me know what you think in the comments! Nothing makes me happier than gushing over these characters with you guys. Hearing your thoughts brings me so much joy it's insane. Stay safe out there!


	11. Out loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You need to learn a thing or two from my newest apprentice, or she may surpass you.”
> 
> “Yes, Supreme Leader.” 
> 
> Oh, he’s pissed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 11! Extra long because I love you.

He was gone when you woke up. You didn’t take it personally. The Commander of the First Order had shit to do. Besides, he didn’t owe you anything. 

You weren’t a girl who expected much. Attachments weren’t your thing. However, you did need to reflect on the previous night. It was a whirlwind, that was for sure. Did this mean he wasn’t mad about the whole slipping into his mind fiasco? It was hardly your fault, but you _did_ expose his entire life story. 

_To be fair he did it to me first. But that’s beside the point._

Naturally he was pissed, but he came running back to you. _Why?_ Obviously there was a mutual attraction. _Obviously._ But beyond that there wasn’t much... _Right?_

_I mean… We (unfortunately) have a decent amount of things in common. He’s pretty much the only person in the world who understands what I’m going through. And vice versa, I suppose._

He didn’t need to give you his support through your journey to the Dark Side, but he did. He was there the entire time. Why? Was he giving you what he wished _he_ had when he went through it all? 

It was all too confusing. 

_Now what_? It was a good question. Did anything change? Did it matter? You guessed not. 

_I hope not._

Life would continue. Whatever that looked like. 

You dressed in the standard black and ate a substantial breakfast. Before you could check with Sunny on what your day looked like, there was a knock on the door before it slid open to reveal Hux stepping inside.

“Normally people wait ‘till someone answers the door to come in,” you said dryly. 

“Sorry,” Hux adjusted his uniform. “Habit of mine.”

“It’s fine. Want some coffee?”

He looked surprised. 

“What? Do you not drink coffee?”

“N-no, I do.”

“Then what’s the big deal? It’s early as fuck. Sit and have some.” You poured him a mug before he could decline and slid it across the kitchen island. He stiffly walked over and picked it up, reluctantly taking a sip before eyeing you carefully.

“What?”

“You’re very odd.”

You snorted. “Why? Because I talk to you like a human being?”

He pondered that as he took another sip of the steaming cup, deciding to make himself comfortable on one of the bar stools. You took it as a small victory. 

He shrugged. “I suppose.”

“Well, I’d venture to say that makes _you_ odd.” 

Hux scoffed. “Hardly! I’m the youngest acting General in the history of the greatest army to ever exist.”

“Exactly. Anyone with that type of power can’t exactly be _normal._ ”

“Watch how you speak to a superior, Miss Scott,” he glowered.

“Oh _please_ , we live on the same floor. I’d say we’re about even. And we’re practically the same age.”

“We are not!”

You raised an eyebrow. “Okay, _youngest acting general_. How old are you?”

“I hardly see why that’s important information,” he crossed his arms over his chest.

You squinted your eyes and looked him up and down, making a show of slowly assessing him. He squirmed under your gaze.

“You’re 24.”

The shock on Hux’s face was hilarious.

“How did you-”

“Because _I’m_ 24\. I’m also not an idiot.”

He glared at you. “Says an assassin who miraculously discovered she could yield the Force after almost a quarter century of living.”

“Hey, I never said I was normal either.” 

Hux chuckled into his coffee. Another small victory. You smiled at him. He cleared his throat.

“Don’t interpret this as us becoming friends, Yara.” 

It was your turn to chuckle. He used your name. ‘ _Not friends’ my ass._

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

The tips of his ears turned red. Surprisingly, you really did like Hux. He was a good person to have in your corner. His company wasn’t bad either. Teasing him was fun. Sure, his general reputation wasn’t _great_ , some would call him evil, but that was a matter of perspective. Others would call him a hero. 

To you, he was just Hux.

“So,” he spoke up again. “Is Ren still pissed?”

You rolled your eyes. “I have no clue.”

“Have you spoken?”

“Not exactly.”

He quirked an eyebrow. You shook your head. “You don’t want to know.”

“Duly noted.” He took one last sip and stood. “Well, I’m sure you’ll get the opportunity. Snoke wants a word before you begin training today.”

***

“You’re stronger.”

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo was already at the foot of Snoke’s throne when you arrived. Mask, cape and all, as if he wanted to look the most “Kylo Ren” possible. 

Snoke shifted in his chair, eyeing you intently, as if he were piecing together an invisible puzzle.

“I take it you were successful.”

“I was. Doubly successful.”

“Do explain.”

“Irvadi held my father captive in the event that I would return. He offered him as a bargaining chip in exchange for his life.”

Snoke scratched his chin. “And?”

“So I killed them both.”

“ **HAH**!” Snoke bellowed, clapping his hands together. “Yara, you continue to impress me." He turned to glare at Kylo in a scornful manner. "Ren updated me on the mission but seemingly forgot to mention that important piece of the story.” 

His icy stare returned. “How do you feel, child?”

_Good question._

“Well-” you were suddenly cut off by a voice in your head. And not just _any_ voice... 

**_Get on with the bragging already._ **

...The very specific voice of Kylo motherfucking Ren. And he was being rude!

You turned and glared at him. “I heard that, asshole!”

Kylo’s mask snapped to your face, you could sense his utter shock. You hadn’t been able to hear his thoughts before. 

**_How the fu-_ **

_How am I supposed to know?!_

**_This cannot be happening._ **

_Sucks for you that it is._

**_This is your fault! Trespassing into my mind-_ **

_That’s rich coming from you. You did it first!_

**_That was necessary!_ **

_What the hell is your problem?!_

“Fascinating…” Snoke’s ominous voice broke you two from your mental bickering. 

You agreed with him, alright. It _was_ fascinating. You thought back to your first meditation session with Kylo…

“Can you speak back to Snoke?”

“Yes. If he opens that channel.”

_A two-way channel. Okay. So if that same logic applies here, I’m basically in a one-way channel connected to your brain._

“I guess you could put it like that, yes.” 

“Is there a way you could open it on your end?” 

He pondered this for a moment, crossing and uncrossing his long arms. 

“In a way… I believe you already opened my end. I think it’s yours that needs to budge.”

 _And I can’t do that if I don’t somehow connect to the Force._

Your end had opened. 

“Tell me everything,” Snoke commanded.

_Here goes nothing._

“I was going to use my blaster, but it didn’t feel right. Something inside of me knew what to do… I called for Kylo Ren’s lightsaber and it responded. I used it to kill them both.” How much detail did he _really_ want? You decided to stick to the minimum. “In the shuttle I somehow slipped into his mind, simply by the brush of my fingertips.”

“And what did you see?” Snoke sounded especially terrifying. 

Kylo fumed next to you. His fists clenched tightly in your peripheral. You’d feel bad, but _somebody_ woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Or the wrong bed in general.

“Everything.” 

“Hmmm…” Snoke sat back with a contemplative look. “I’m sure you witnessed my apprentice eliminating Han Solo.”

Kylo shook beside you. The vibrations radiating off of him could take down the whole ship.

You nodded.

“His Father.”

You nodded again. What were you supposed to say? 

“Speak when spoken to,” Snoke snapped.

“Yes!” you practically jumped out of your skin. “I did, Supreme Leader.”

“It _weakened_ him,” he spat. “While _you_ … this has made you stronger.”

Kylo practically roared inside his head. _Fuck._ You didn’t need a pissed off Kylo. But a pissed off Snoke was way worse…

“My father has been dead for a long time, Supreme Leader. His memory was hardly a whisper in my mind. Irvadi was my real baggage.”

You held your breath, waiting for him to demand more. Snoke nodded slowly, seeming to accept your response. Relief flooded your body. 

He threaded his lengthy fingers together and rested them in his lap before addressing the both of you.

“An unprecedented channel has formed between you, as it’s only been known to happen between master and apprentice. Explore this connection further in your training.” He leaned toward the dark knight at your side. “You need to learn a thing or two from my newest apprentice, or she may surpass you.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” 

_Oh, he’s pissed._

“This could prove a worthy weapon against the Resistance. Go now.”

Kylo didn’t waste a second, whirling around and storming out of the room. _Dammit._ You were _not_ looking forward to this. You scrambled, trying to keep up with him while also keeping a distance. You were still knewish to this place and didn’t want to get lost in a sea of troopers, but you _also_ didn’t want an angry Darksider choking you in a fit of rage.

Hux rounded a corner at the end of the hallway. That man could spot Ren’s rage from a mile away. As you crossed paths he shot you an amused ‘good luck with that’ look. You glared a ‘fuck you’ back at him. 

Upon reaching the training room, Kylo punched a button on the wall that lifted to reveal a rack of what looked like… 

_Lightsabers?_

Kylo quickly snatched one up and chucked it at you from across the room. Instinctively, you reached out and grabbed it from the air. A green beam shot out the second it landed in your grip.

“Green?”

You admired it in your hand. It was the first saber you’d ever seen aside from Kylo’s. It was lighter and had a different energy to it. The emerald green was vibrant and sharp, its beam smooth with a gentle hum. 

It was very different from Kylo’s saber, which, _speak of the devil,_ was now swinging directly at your head. You lifted your beam the last second. The plasma blades connected with a hiss. 

You shoved him off with a growl. He backed away, swinging his saber at his side as he slowly circled you.

“I’m so _tired_ of your fucking dramatics!” you yelled as he came at you again. You blocked another attack. Again and again he pushed you, not letting up as you fought to defend him off. 

“I get that this is you _testing_ me or whatever,” you shouted as you dove over a swipe at your legs. “But you don’t have to be a dick about it just because your fucking feelings are hurt!”

He stalked toward you again, ready to pounce. You were _so_ over this. He needed to learn how to use his fucking _words._

You couldn’t get out of this ridiculous situation without getting that saber away from him. Which would most likely require cutting off his arm. _However…_ you were reminded of a girl you crossed paths with years ago. An acrobat turned assassin. You found her beaten and left to die, so you took her in and patched her up the best you could. In return, she taught you the power of pressure points. Where they were and how to use them to your advantage. She could make any body part go limp with a single jab. 

Kylo’s saber came down and you sidestepped. _Here goes nothing._ Using the design of his saber against him, you swung and locked your beam on his and wedged it between one of the cross guards. This gave you leverage over his body as you used his momentum against him and pulled his dominant arm. You jabbed three times. Once at his shoulder, once at his elbow and once on his wrist. 

Instantaneously, the incredibly large appendage went completely slack. His saber fell from his hand, disengaging as you caught it. 

Kylo cradled his arm to his chest. “What did you do?!?” 

You let out an amazed laugh. 

“I genuinely didn’t think that would work.”

“My arm!!!” 

“Relax, it’s not gonna stay like that forever.” 

“Fix it,” he growled.

“Can’t. Besides, you deserved it.” You dropped both sabers to the ground. Swiveling on your heel, you headed for the door. “Catch ya later!”

“What?! You’re **not** leaving!”

“Uh, yeah I am!” you called over your shoulder. “Hit me up when you’re ready to talk like an adult so we can _actually_ get to training. I’m not dealing with this.”

“Yara!" he yelled after you. "My **_arm_**!”

“My bad!” 

And with that, you were _outta there._

***

For some ridiculous reason you found yourself banging on Hux’s door. There was hardly a chance he’d be there but _fuck it_.

“Let me in!” you knocked furiously. “Hux! Let. Me. In.” 

Surprisingly, the door slid open. Hux stood there, impeccably dressed and thoroughly annoyed.

“What?!” 

“Oh, thank _god._ ” You slipped past him into his chambers. They were practically a mirror image of yours. Clean, sterile and ridiculously well put together. 

_Hold up… clean… like mine…_

A new-found realization settled upon you.

“What the hell!” you whipped around to face him still standing by the door. “You had my chambers fixed while I was gone!”

Hux scoffed. “You’re just _now_ realizing this?”

“I was too exhausted last night!” You stomped your foot. “I didn’t want them cleaned!” 

“Well, too bad.”

“Ugh!” you flopped on one of the couches dramatically.

Hux watched and shook his head, realizing there was zero chance of getting you to leave. “Is that why you decided to barge into my chambers in the middle of the day?”

You crossed your arms over your chest and _hmphed_. “No. What are you even doing here?”

“What am _I_ doing here?! What are _you_ doing here?!”

You groaned. “Why do you think?”

“Ren, I’m assuming.”

“Ding ding ding.”

Hux sighed and crossed the room, placing himself on the loveseat across from you. “What happened?”

You told him what happened in the throne room with Snoke, what he said and how Kylo reacted. Hux listened patiently, nodding his head as he heard you out.

“I mean, I can understand why that made him angry, but you’d think after last night he’d be a little more-”

“What happened last night?” 

_Shit._

“He, uh... Apologized.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “But this morning you said you hadn’t spoken.” 

_Shit shit shit._

“Well, no.” _How the hell do I word this?_ “He came to my chambers with a… peace offering, I guess you could call it. So I assumed we were okay! Or at least _fine._ But then the whole Snoke thing set him off again…” you trailed off. Hux looked confused. You couldn’t blame him.

“All I know is that I refuse to deal with his mood swings. He hates me then he likes me then he hates me. Just pick one!”

Hux nodded. “I can understand your frustration. Especially when he’s someone you’re going to be working very closely with. However, Ren simply hates me all the time so I cannot relate to the whiplash you’re experiencing.” 

Your jaw dropped at the quip in his voice and he smiled. You busted out laughing and he soon followed, chuckling lightly along with you, cheeks dusted pink. 

Hux had just made a _joke._ It was genuinely incredible.

A warm fondness radiated between you as you shared a moment of what felt like genuine friendship. Here you were, sprawled across Hux’s couch, in _his_ chambers, sharing a laugh after he patiently listened to you vent your heart out. 

Laughter simmered into a light chuckle, which settled into a fond smile.

Yes, it was true. You liked Hux a lot. 

**_WOOSH_ **

The door slammed open with a vengeance. You were hardly surprised as Kylo barged in the room. _Am I the only one with manners in this joint?_

Gloved fists clenched, his energy was pure black. You could feel it shooting knives of poisoned anger in every direction.

_Shit._

“Hux.” Like ice the words rolled off his tongue. “You’d think the general of the First Order would have more important things to do than lounge around. Snoke requested your presence an hour ago.”

Hux gasped in horror. “You’re just now telling me?!” He shot up from his seat and sprinted out of the room. You rolled your eyes and lazily slid off the couch. 

“Good one,” you said sarcastically as you brushed past him into the hallway. He followed, hot on your heels.

You entered your chambers, not bothering to attempt slamming the door in his face. It’d be a lost cause. Kylo yanked off his mask and threw it to the ground.

“ **_What_ **were you doing in there?” 

You sauntered over to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. 

“Hanging out.”

“Liar. You don’t **_hang out_ ** with Hux!” 

You slowly took a long drink as he stood there fuming. 

“I can do whatever I want.”

“NOT WITH HIM!” Kylo shouted through his barely contained rage. 

“Why not? I _like_ Hux. He’s _nice_ to me.” You took another sip. “What are you, jealous or something?”

The glass in your hand shattered. Your jaw _dropped_ as blood trickled down your hand. You looked back at him and _boy oh boy_ did he look scared.

_Good._

On instinct, you threw out your bloodied hand and Force shoved him across the room until he slammed against the wall with an _oof_. 

“I told you I’m not doing this! Use your goddamn WORDS!”

“YOU HUMILIATED ME TODAY!” Kylo spat as he pushed himself off the wall and charged toward you. 

“Oh _please,_ ” you met him halfway and got in his face. “You humiliated yourself. And you still are!”

Both breathing heavily, revved up from your annoyance and his anger, you stared each other down, only inches apart. Kylo’s eyes flickered to your lips. The slight movement sent a wave of warmth through your body. 

Your combined emotions blurred, transforming into what you could only describe as pure _passion._ Your mouth watered. Dammit you wanted him. Badly.

Kylo leaned in to hungrily claim your yearning lips- _Hoooold up._

You snapped from the trance and shoved his face away, leaving a bloody handprint on his cheek.

“That is _not_ going to work this time!”

Kylo groaned.

“You can’t just barge into my quarters and makeout with me every time you do something _mean_ and expect everything to be fixed!” 

“But it’s so much more fun than apologizing,” Kylo quipped seductively.

This startled you into the beginnings of a smile. You had _not_ expected that response. 

... _he’s not wrong._

Kylo smirked, fully knowing you couldn’t argue with that. You grit your teeth, hardly succeeding in swallowing your primal reaction to _him_ in general.

“Apologize," you demanded.

“No.”

“Then get out,” you turned to walk away before Kylo grabbed you by the waist and spun you back into him. The way he held you was tender, overruling the previous banter in his voice. He looked down at your hands resting on his chest and back into your eyes. The look you gave him screamed ‘I’m not caving’ as you watched him expectantly.

He sighed. 

**_I’m sorry._ **

“Out loud.”

“Fine,” he grumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“For _what_?”

**_Seriously?_ **

You doubled down. “For. What.”

“For being a dick.”

You rolled your eyes. “What else?”

“Hurting your hand.”

“Aaaaaand?”

He dramatically dropped his forehead to your shoulder and grumbled begrudgingly.

“Not using my words.”

He sounded positively tortured. It brought you nothing but joy. 

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

**_Whatever._ **

You giggled and stroked his hair. “Thank you.”

Kylo turned his head and nuzzled his face into your neck, sighing contently. His hot breath against your skin caused you to shiver. He noticed and nuzzled you again, pressing a warm kiss above your collarbone. Your fists balled into the fabric over his chest as your insides began to tingle.

A breathy moan escaped your parted lips as his mouth slowly traveled up your neck to your ear, brushing over your jaw to the corner of your lips, deftly caressing and worshiping your skin. Your core throbbed at the sensation of _him_ as he slightly pulled back, fully blown pupils boring into you. You could feel his arousal press against you as he held you tighter. _Fuck._ You couldn't stand it anymore-

**WOOWOOWOOWOO**

A deafening siren suddenly blared throughout the entire ship.

“ **Alert,** ” Sunny spoke. “ **Incoming Resistance ships.** ”

You were both shaken from the spell, regretfully losing that moment before settling into a determined urgency. This would have to wait.

There was no time to waste.

You felt him place something in your hand and looked down.

The lightsaber from earlier. 

You nodded, understanding what needed to be done.

.

.

. 

The Resistance was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm such a tease. 
> 
> also I was shook when i googled Hux's exact age. I knew he was young but didn't realize he's the same mf age as me. wild. 
> 
> See you next time! The Resistance is coming.


	12. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Whose is that?”
> 
> Rey looked confused until you pointed at her blue blade.
> 
> “It’s mine,” she barked. “It chose me.”
> 
> *Take me, Yara…*
> 
> You narrowed your eyes as strength from this realization fueled the power coursing through your bones.
> 
> “Not anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! Been awhile. I apologize. I experienced some burn out and needed a little break. But we're back and better than ever.
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter. Some real shit goes down.

The sky was a myriad of colors. Resistance and First Order ships danced across the black void of space, shooting, dodging and weaving through the onslaught of lasers and missiles. 

And there it was.

The Millennium Falcon.

You looked to Kylo, knowing full well what this meant. 

Luke Skywalker was here. 

“As is the girl.”

_Girl?_

“Who is she?”

Kylo grit his teeth, subconsciously grazing his fingertips over his scarred cheek. 

“A nuisance.”

_Ah._

You understood. She was that girl. _The_ girl. You heard whispers around the ship of the new Jedi who found Skywalker before the Order could. His newest apprentice that dragged him out of hiding and back into the fight. 

“Is she good?”

Kylo looked at you, serious determination painted over the constellations on his face.

“Yes.”

_Fuck._

“But you’re better.”

 _Huh???_ There was no way. You were new. _Like,_ **_new_ ** _new._ Hardly aware of the basics of practically anything. 

“Kylo...”

“Let your emotions guide you. They are your strength.” He grazed his gloved fingers over your temple, releasing a surge of energy that stirred your insides. Your mind became alight as his Force coaxed yours out of its hiding spot deep within your insecurities.

**_Do not doubt yourself._ **

His voice, smooth as ever, whispered fervidly in your mind, sparking your heart with a blazing heat. The Forced swelled as you fell deeper into his gaze. Those eyes that looked at you with a longing you’d never experienced before. Other than anger and rage, Kylo didn’t speak on his emotions much, but he didn’t need to. His eyes told you everything. 

Kylo swallowed heavily before turning around and hopping in his ship. You were to stay back in case of an attack from within. 

“Eliminate anyone you see,” he called from the pilot’s seat. You nodded, and he zipped off into the inky void of space. He flew toward the chaos, a direct shot toward the only ship that mattered. The Falcon. 

They danced across the midnight sky, weaving, dodging and firing off shot after shot. You could feel Kylo’s mounting rage, building with every second that piece of junk wasn’t hurtling to its death. It was almost overwhelming, feeling him so deeply, so plainly in your mind. 

_Remain focused, Yara. Focus. Find yourself._

Reaching deep within, trekking through the storm that was Kylo, you shut your eyes and inhaled deeply, slowly exhaling as you tried to clear your mind. You needed to find yourself. If this was going to be your long-term reality, you needed to learn how to live without drowning in Kylo. 

_Feel him without letting it overpower you. Separate yourself._

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

It was quiet. Your mind emptied as you allowed yourself to wade in your independent thoughts and feelings, as if a wall was placed between the two of you. It was like you could breathe again. Think again. _Hear_ again. 

But it felt… empty, in a way. Frigid. Like stepping out of a warm shower into cool air. It was lonely.

You immediately missed his presence, already trying to figure out how to destroy the wall you somehow put up… until-

_What was that?_

A spark zipped up your spine. You perked up as a small ball of pressure pushed against the back of your skull.

_What in the hell?_

The Force was trying to tell you something. You remembered back to when you slayed your former slave master. Before you entered his building, Kylo asked you to reach out, to feel every living creature within your proximity. 

You had found him immediately. Could you do it again?

The pressure in your head buzzed louder, as if The Force was confirming that was what you needed to do. At least you thought. 

_Trust your intuition. Listen to The Force. Remember what Kylo taught you._

Finding your breath, you surrendered yourself to The Force, allowing it to guide your consciousness where it needed to go. You soared in every direction. The gym, the cafeteria, the bay, the throne room, your chambers, Kylo’s chambers-

_OH MY GOD._

It was undeniable. The Force of them smacked you in the chest, almost sending you to the ground. 

Luke Skywalker wasn’t in the Falcon. Neither was the girl.

_A diversion._

Trying not to panic, you began clawing at the wall between yours and Kylo’s minds. Little by little it began to crack. You punched, kicked, and mentally screamed, begging The Force to bring him back to you. 

Finally, it crumbled, melding you back to Kylo with a burst of energy that brought tears to your eyes. You never wanted to be without his warmth again.

**_Yara?! Where did you go?! What the fuck was tha-_ **

_SKYWALKER AND THE GIRL ARE IN YOUR CHAMBERS. THE FALCON IS A DIVERSION!_

Kylo’s darkness flared as he roared a slew of curses. 

You turned and sprinted as fast as you could. You weren’t going to let them come into **your motherfucking house** without putting up a fight. 

***

Throwing the door open with The Force, you stormed into Kylo’s chambers. A man in a cloak with gray hair stood at the ready, as if he was expecting you. 

Behind him stood a girl around your age, maybe a few years younger. Her brown hair was pulled back into three buns, her outfit the color of sand. You looked her up and down, assessing the level of threat he posed. She looked at you quizzically, assessing you just the same. 

Narrowing your eyes, you bared your teeth and growled menacingly at the intruders.

“Lost, are we?”

The girl snarled and stepped forward, only to be blocked by Skywalker’s outstretched arm.

“We are not here to fight,” the old man spoke. You barked a sardonic laugh.

“Really? Attacking our fleet. Breaking and entering. Searching through the Commander’s quarters. I’d say that’s exactly what you’re here for.”

“Where is the necklace-?!” the girl shouted.

“Rey!” Skywalker snapped, trying to cut her off before she divulged too much information, but it was too late. 

_Necklace?_

“What necklace?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Skywalker said calmly. 

“Let us find what we’re looking for and you’ll be left unharmed,” the girl named Rey snapped.

“Is that a threat?” 

“Rey-”

“Yes,” she spat, stepping in front of Skywalker who looked rather forlorn. Disappointed even. 

This _rat_ wasn’t going to get away with threatening you. Not in your house. You unhooked the saber from your belt and ignited it with a stomp of your foot. Rey’s eyes widened, like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. 

_She couldn’t detect The Force in me._

“Why so surprised,” you taunted. _Scared?_

Rey’s eyes widened even further, as if she could hear your voice plain as day in her mind. _Interesting._ You taunted her some more, pushing your thoughts even further into her head. _Some_ **_Jedi_ ** _you are._

Rey screamed, igniting the saber at her hip and rushed toward you. You lifted yours as she brought her shimmering blue blade down on you. It clashed against your steady green beam, sending sparks of plasma around you. 

Again and again she swung her saber, only to be easily blocked by you one after the other. Luke remained put, watching the battle unfold. 

Suddenly, the door behind you flew open. Kylo Ren rushed inside, saber at the ready. Rey froze and stared at the man with his sputtering sword, nostrils flared, murder in her eyes. “ **_You_ **,” she snarled. 

Taking her moment of distraction to your advantage, you swung your saber at her head. She broke from her trance at the last second and just barely stepped out of the way, your saber grazing her forearm as she cried out. 

The buzz of another lightsaber igniting told you all you needed to know.

This was an all out war.

Kylo screamed and ran toward Luke as Rey recovered and came for you once again. 

The four of you danced around the room, sabers clashing against sabers, sparks flying through the air. Rey had you on the defensive, pushing you back with a ruthless attack. Throwing your hand out, you pushed her back with The Force. As her body slammed against the wall, you pushed your mind into hers again.

What you saw absolutely **_enraged_** you.

“You long for him,” you growled. “You long for the man he will never become.”

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD,” she screamed as she pushed herself up and swung at you. Her movements became frantic, filled with desperation, lacking control. Her emotions were becoming uncontrollable. It was her greatest weakness, you realized. Emotions fueled the Dark Side, while they created chaos within the Light. 

“He’ll **_never_ ** want you the way you want him.” 

Oh yes, this girl had darkness in her. A darkness she was taught to suppress. And she didn’t know how to control it. This was good. This was _really_ good. 

“Your Dark Side is showing, Darling,” you patronized. “You should really learn how to control it.” 

You were on the offensive now, delivering blow after blow as she stumbled back, straining to regain control. She was rattled, and you wanted to push it even further. 

_You call yourself a Jedi. Pathetic._

“STOP!” her voice shook with pure rage. 

_Yara…_ a voice suddenly whispered in your ear. _Yara…_

You froze, halting your assault on the so-called Jedi. 

_Yara…_

Where? Who? What?

_I’m right here…_

The Force was pulling your attention to… your eyes locked on the saber in Rey’s hand. 

“Whose is that?”

Rey looked confused until you pointed at her blue blade.

“It’s _mine_ ,” she barked. “It chose _me_.”

_Take me, Yara…_

You narrowed your eyes as strength from this realization fueled the power coursing through your bones.

“Not anymore.”

You threw your hand out, and, like taking candy from a baby, the brilliant blue saber flew out of her grasp and into yours. Rey gasped, absolute horror written on her tanned, freckled face. 

“NO!!!!” she screamed as she sprinted at you. In her panic, she let her guard down, allowing you the opportunity to get your revenge the old-fashioned way. In one swift pivot, you spun and landed a roundhouse kick to the side of her head, knocking her out cold. 

However, your victory was fleeting. 

“ **AHH**!” Kylo screamed from behind you. You whirled around to see Skywalker standing over your masked knight sprawled on the floor, blade at the ready. Panic swirled around you. Kylo was hurt and the look on Skywalker’s face was lethal. 

“I’m sorry, nephew.” Skywalker, with murder on his mind, raised his blade, preparing to end the life of his kin. 

You couldn’t lose him. 

In your moment of desperation, you surrendered yourself to the Dark Side, allowing it to take over your entire being. As his blade came down, you threw out your hand with a scream that sent shockwaves throughout the entire ship.

Somehow, some way, electric blue lightning escaped your fingertips, locking onto its target and hitting true. It engulfed Skywalker’s body, causing every inch of his flesh and blood to spasm as he soared across the room. 

There was no time to reflect on what just happened. Kylo was hurt and that was all that mattered. You rushed to his side. Knocked out cold with a nasty slice trailing from his chest down his stomach burned red through his cowl, you ripped off that _stupid fucking mask,_ and cradled his face in your hands. 

“Kylo,” you whispered. He wasn’t breathing. “Kylo, please.” Tears fell down your cheeks as you begged him to come back. 

Skywalker’s crumpled form shakily stood from his spot on the floor and looked down at your crying over Kylo’s limp body.

“LEAVE! TAKE HER AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!”

“You love him,” Luke whispered, brow furrowed. 

“LEAVE!” you screamed with the weight of The Force behind your words. Skywalker nodded and scooped Rey up in his arms.

He walked toward the door before turning and locking eyes with you.

“He can still be saved.”

Then he was gone. 

***

Kylo’s torso shot up from his place on the bed, waking with a scream, hand searching his belt for his saber.

“Lay back down,” you said as you gently pushed him back against his pillows. He looked down at his shirtless body and the cauterized wound marking the planes of his stomach. 

He breathed heavily, fear swimming in his eyes as he looked up at you.

“What happened?”

You sighed. “Luke was going to kill you. I stopped him. They got away.”

“They got away?!?!” he tried to push himself back up only to be stopped by you once again. 

“You need to rest.”

“Not while they’re still out there!!!”

“Kylo,” you whispered, resting your palm against his cheek. “I thought I lost you.” 

Unwelcome tears clouded your eyes as he painfully looked up at you. “Please. Rest.”

He was shaking. Whether it was in fear, anger, sadness, or a mix of the three, you didn’t care. You just needed him safe.

He nodded, placing his hand on top of yours, and laid back down.

“Thank you.”

“I failed. How did you stop him?”

You sighed again, not ready to acknowledge whatever the hell you did back there.

“We’ll discuss it after you’re rested. Until then, I have something.” You pulled the saber you stole from Rey off your belt and handed it to him.

“It called to me. And when I called back, it came to me.”

Kylo’s eyes widened, as if he could hardly believe what he was seeing.

“My grandfather’s saber.”

_Holy shit._

“Darth vader?!”

“No. Before. When he was Anakin Skywalker.”

A gasp escaped your lips.

“You said it called to you?”

“Yes. Like it was whispering in my ear. It told me to take it.”

An odd emotion radiated off Kylo in that moment. You could hardly tell what it was. Sadness? Regret? _Jealousy?_

“Snoke must know about this,” Kylo said sternly. “We must go to him.”

You placed your hand on his bare (ridiculously strong and sexy) chest before he could even attempt to move. 

“Later.”

“But, Yara, you don’t understand-”

“ _Later._ ”

**_Woosh!_ **

The sound of the door traveled from the main area, followed by a General Hux entering the bedroom. 

“Snoke requests the both of you.”

_Great._

***

“Supreme Leader,” Kylo and you said in unison. Kylo winced as you settled on your knees in front of your master.

“The Resistance’s attack was unsuccessful. I felt the presence of two Jedi on my ship,” Snoke spoke slowly. “What. Happened.”

“Supreme Leader,” you spoke. “I found Skywalker and the girl searching through the Commander’s chambers. They mentioned something about a necklace. We were able to stop them before their search was fruitful.”

“But they got away?”

You cleared your throat. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“HOW?!” he bellowed. Fear ran like ice through your veins. What could you say?

“It was my fault, Master.” Kylo spoke up from his spot beside you. “Skywalker injured me. Yara saved my life.”

Snoke raised an eyebrow.

“Show me.”

You were lifted from the ground as Snoke brought you before his face with The Force. A simple touch to your temple sent a searing pain through your entire body, and told Snoke all he needed to know as he watched the events unfold in your memory.

“Incredible…” he breathed. He lowered you down. “Lightning is a skill only masters of the Dark Side can achieve.”

“Lightning?” Kylo whispered in awe.

“I’m not sure how I did it, Supreme Leader. I just let The Force guide me. I was able to secure this for you.”

You unclasped the saber from your belt and held it out to him, head bowed, unable to look at his prying eyes. 

Snoke lifted it from your hands and inspected it himself. Recognition written all over his face.

“How?” Snoke sounded absolutely awe struck. 

“It called to me, Master. It asked me to take it.”

“Hmmm…” Snoke murmured as he set the saber by his side. “Then it is settled.”

_Settled?_

“You, Yara, have surpassed Kylo Ren in your power and dedication to the Dark Side.” Kylo was suddenly lifted from the ground and thrown at your feet. “I can only have one apprentice. I did not foresee the truth revealing itself in this short of time, but it is undeniable.”

_No…_

“The time is now to fulfill your destiny.” 

Kylo looked up at you with sorrowful eyes and nodded. Accepting his fate.

_No. No. No. No._

“Kill him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please please please please let me know what you think! your comments truly fuel and motivate me to post as often as i can. 
> 
> i love you all. thanks for sticking around this far in! It's only going to get better from here.
> 
> expect some sexy time coming up ;)


	13. Tatooine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gave you a tiny smile before throwing her arms around your neck, pulling you into the tightest hug imaginable. You froze, not exactly used to that kind of thing, but eventually wrapped your arms around her as well.
> 
> “Take care of him,” she whispered in your ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllllloooo!!!! Welcome to chapter 13. Lots of fun stuff going on. We're getting into Part 2 of my little story. Things are progressing and some fresh plot is surfacing. Enjoy!

“Kill him.”

Your jaw hit the floor. Your heart raced, pounding out of your chest. This couldn’t be happening. You couldn’t. You _wouldn’t._

“Supreme Leader, I-”

“This is your destiny, apprentice. You have proven yourself beyond worthy. And even more, you have proven yourself stronger than Kylo Ren could ever be.”

Snoke spoke as if Kylo was dirt under his shoe. As if an entire lifetime of torture meant nothing. 

Kylo’s eyes were cast to the ground as he knelt before you. He didn’t dare look up. You knew what he was thinking. That he deserved to die because of his failure. Another added to the list he kept close track of in his mind. Both Rey and Luke had left their mark on him. Both Rey and Luke had gotten away, not once, but twice. 

But he survived, and he never gave up. He shouldn’t give up. It was cowardly, and that was something you knew Kylo absolutely _wasn’t._ But even now, his dedication to the Supreme Leader outweighed any semblance of common sense. If Snoke said he was going to die, then that was it. His resignation made you sick. 

You were terrified.

“This is the ultimate test. Prove to me your dedication to the Dark Side. Prove your dedication to the First Order. To _me._ ”

You needed to find a way out. Without thinking, you threw up the wall in your mind. Closing Kylo and Snoke, and anyone else who would ever dare enter your mind, off from your thoughts. In your panic, it came all too naturally.

_Think think think think think think._

It didn’t take long for Snoke to notice.

“You DARE try and force me out of your mind?!”

_Think think think think think think._

“You DARE think I couldn’t break you down the second I-”

_Got it._

You tore the wall down as quickly as you put it up. 

“The necklace!!!”

Snoke’s fit of rage subsided. “Necklace?”

“They were looking for a necklace! In the Commander’s chambers!” That got his attention. “I think that’s what the entire ambush was for. They created a diversion with the Falcon to get him out of the way.”

Snoke sat back in his immense chair and scratched his chin. He was interested.

“Kylo Ren, do you know what necklace they speak of?”

Kylo looked up from his position on the ground, gulping heavily.

“My grandmother’s necklace.”

_Ohhh shit!_

“And why would they be looking for it?”

“It was given to her by my grandfather on the day of their wedding.”

_Oh shiiiit!_

“Hmm…” Snoke looked off into the distance, contemplating something. This was good. 

“What is its significance?”

A pregnant pause filled the room before Kylo spoke again.

“It’s the other half of Anakin Skywalker’s Kyber crystal. He poured his life Force into it. So he could remain by her heart at all times.”

Snoke quirked a decrepit eyebrow. “And why am I now just hearing about this?”

“I once thought it was the key to contacting him. It was a fruitless endeavor.”

Snoke nodded. “Well, _apprentice,_ ” he purred to Kylo. “It seems you have bought yourself some time.”

He forced Kylo to his feet.

“Bring. It. To. Me.”

***

Kylo tore his quarters apart. You watched as he looked everywhere. Something told you he needed to find it himself. To redeem himself. 

“It’s gone.”

_Fuck._

***

“When Rey attacked me, Luke stood by and did nothing. By the time Kylo got there, he must have found it.”

Kylo and you knelt at the foot of the throne. You had no idea how Snoke would react. You just hoped he wouldn’t take this out on Kylo.

“If you say it was the other half of his Kyber crystal,” Snoke picked up Anakin’s saber, “then this must be the key to its secrets.” He inspected it closely before sending it flying across the room and into your hand as you stood to catch. “Yara, I leave this mission to you. Bring it back to me. It could prove a powerful weapon.”

_What about Kylo?_

“I cannot trust him to succeed,” Snoke snarled.

Kylo’s head dropped. 

“Supreme Leader,” you sank to your knees, “I beg of you, give him one more chance. If what you say about our bond is true, we are stronger together.” 

“...I did say that, didn’t I?” Snoke grumbled.

Not even _he_ could argue that.

“Fine, then. Kylo Ren,” Snoke spoke pointedly. “Rise.”

He did. 

“This is your last chance. Do. Not. Fail. Me.”

***

You struggled to keep up with Kylo as he stormed out of the throne room. Where he was headed, you had no clue.

“My ship,” he growled.

_Easy there, tiger._

Kylo huffed.

“Where are we going?”

“Tatooine.”

“Ew.”

_What a wasteland that place is._

“Wasteland or not, it is the birthplace of my grandfather. If they’re searching for a means to contact him, that’s where they would go. I can feel it.” 

***

Kylo’s ship was up and running, deep in the void of space as you traveled at the speed of light. He had not spoken to you since take off. He just sat there, miserably brooding no doubt. You weren’t sure what to say, so you just blurted out the first thing that popped into your mind.

“Are you okay?”

No answer.

“Kylo?”

Again, no response.

“Come on, talk to me.” 

His stupid mask didn’t turn to face you. You hated talking to that thing, but you weren’t about to ask him to take it off, he needed a shield. Unable to face whatever this was. His turbulent emotions raged an unrelenting storm in your mind. 

Kylo shifted uncomfortably. He needed space.

You threw up the wall between your minds, hoping that would give him some semblance of solace. 

He said nothing, but relaxed slightly.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

_Figures._

He shifted slightly.

“How did you learn to do that?”

“Do what?”

Kylo clenched his fists. 

“Block my mind from yours.”

“Oh. I’m not sure. It just happened.”

Kylo scoffed. “Of course it did. And the lightning?”

“It-”

“Just happened. Got it.”

Kylo stood and marched out of the room without another word.

You exhaled a deep sigh. 

_I hate this._

But you tried to be understanding. Snoke had wanted him dead. And at _your_ hands. You had been there hardly a week, and here you were, surpassing him. You didn’t agree with Snoke, though. There were so many things you were ignorant of about The Force. How did he expect you to learn without a teacher?

“ _Teach her everything you know,_ ” Snoke had said to him. How was he to do that if he were dead? He couldn’t, obviously. And that’s why you needed him alive.

_Well, that and-_

You thought back to what Luke uttered before he escaped with Rey in his arms.

“ _You love him._ ”

Did you?

You couldn’t possibly. You had known him for, _what_ , a handful of days? You hardly knew the guy. 

But you _did_ know him. It was a quick introduction, but you had seen deeply into his mind. Witnessed his entire past. From birth to the present, you had seen it all. And he had seen all of you too. 

The bridge between your minds further enhanced that familiarity. You knew what he was feeling, _thinking,_ at all times. The line between you two was blurred, almost nonexistent. 

Yes, he was Kylo Ren. Commander of the First Order. Jedi Killer. 

Master of the Knights of Ren. 

_Whatever that means._

Stoic. Cold. A monster.

But he wasn’t. Not to you.

He was kind. Nurturing. Warm. 

_Not to mention downright beautiful._

He cared for you. Helped you through some of your darkest times. Guided you through The Force. Helped you discover your true potential. 

He was playful, flirty, enjoyable to be around when he wasn’t in a bad mood. 

Did you love him?

_I don’t even know what love is. I care for him, that’s undeniable, but… love?_

There was nothing to compare this to. Nothing at all. 

This was unprecedented. Much like everything that encapsulated your relationship. 

You needed to talk to someone. _Anyone._ You were desperate.

“Hey, Sunny?”

“ **Yes, Yara**?”

“...Call Hux.”

***

“Yara?” Hux’s hologram radiated from the comm link on your wrist. “Is everything alright?”

“Are you busy?”

Hux sat at his desk and looked around. 

“One moment.”

He got up and walked out of sight. You heard the door close before he returned to his seat.

“I have a few minutes.”

“Thank goodness.”

Hux quirked an eyebrow.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

He cleared his throat, unsure of what to say. You figured he didn't have much experience consoling a friend. He had no experience with friends in general.

“Snoke chose me over Kylo. He gave him another chance.”

His eyes widened. He knew what that meant. 

“Oh dear.”

You scoffed. “He won’t speak to me.”

“So you call _me_?”

“Hux! I don’t know what to do!”

He groaned, exasperated. “I’m a _general_ , not your relationship counselor.”

“I- we’re not-!”

“Miss Scott-”

“ _Yara_.”

“Yara. Just give him time. Every tantrum eventually subsides.”

_ugh._

“I knew you were gonna say that.”

“Then _why_ did you call?!”

“Because I needed a friend!!!”

Hux paused. Not expecting that response. _Friend._

He sighed. “I am here for you.”

A knowing grin spread across your face. 

“Don’t take advantage of it.” 

You smiled brighter. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

***

Six hours passed. You hadn’t moved. You were too nervous, unknowing of how to proceed. _How long is long enough?_

You didn’t want to push it. He’d come to you when he was ready. 

***

Nine hours. 

Nothing. 

*** 

Eleven hours. You’d arrive at Tatooine shortly. He gave no indication of coming to speak to you anytime soon. You hadn’t heard any movement from him the entire time. You figured he was meditating or something. You _hoped_ he was. 

The wall between your minds stood strong and tall, unwavering. You didn’t dare take it down. Besides, it was kind of nice. Despite the chilling hole the absence of his presence left in your very soul, it was quiet. 

The ship beeped, indicating it was time to exit light speed. Kylo suddenly appeared, entering the cabin and taking his spot at the captain’s seat. He said nothing. Neither did you. You didn’t even look at him. Any chance of getting him to talk was fraught. _Especially_ with that mask covering his face. No, you could be patient. 

The wasteland of a planet came into view. It was beautiful from far away, but you knew the reality of landing upon its sandy terrain. Nothing for miles. Impoverished slaves. It was sad.

Kylo deftly landed the ship next to a small domed cabin. Cabin was a generous description for the old decrepit thing.

“The Jundland Wastes?” You finally broke the silence. 

“Lars Homestead. Skywalker was raised here.”

_Oh damn._

“I didn’t know Luke was raised here too.”

Kylo shivered at the name before rising and exiting the cabin without a word. You grabbed your bag and followed him down the ramp and inside.

It was small. Smaller than small. The energy there was piercing, as if The Force was welcoming home an old friend. 

It was beyond past nightfall and you were exhausted. Kylo had gone to get firewood from the ship. Thank god he planned ahead because it was _freezing._ The desert works in extremes. Hot and cold. Day and night. Similar to the young man currently ignoring you. You didn’t have the energy to try and coax anything out of him. You just needed sleep.

So you changed into comfy shorts and a loose-fitting shirt, rolled out your bed, ungracefully plopped yourself down, wrapped yourself in your blanket, and went _the_ _fuck_ to sleep. 

***

A noise from outside pulled you out of sleep. You sprang out off your bed mat and grabbed Anakin’s saber. You crashed out of the door, igniting it to ward off anyone who dared intrude on your beauty sleep.

“...Rey?!”

She held up her hands, showing she was unarmed, but you didn’t trust her one bit. 

“Ky-!”

“Please don’t!!!” Rey cut you off before you could scream for Kylo. “I’m not here to fight!”

You pointed the saber at her. “Fat chance of that.”

She kept her hands up. “I’m just here to talk.”

“To get information for the Resistance,” you sneered.

“No… no. They- no one knows I’m here. I needed to see you.”

_The fuck?_

You lowered the saber slightly. 

“Why?”

She cleared her throat, looking suddenly embarrassed. “What are you to him?”

You shot her a questioning look.

“To Ben.”

“Kylo,” you corrected. 

Rey grit her teeth. “What are you to- to… Kylo.” 

You huffed a laugh and lowered the saber a little more. “I honestly have no idea.”

“Well…” she looked much younger now standing in front of you. Nervous. Shy. “What is he to you?”

_Uhhh._

She was quite blunt. What _was_ he to you? What, indeed.

“I, uh,” you stuttered. “I don’t know that either.”

“You care for him?” Her voice sounded so small. 

You didn’t want to admit it, but now was a good time as ever.

“Yes.”

Rey inhaled quickly, obviously the answer she was dreading. 

“I thought I cared for him.”

_Oh, sweet Rey. You don’t get it, do you?_

“You cared for him in all the wrong ways.”

She looked confused, maybe a little angry. You elaborated.

“I’ve seen his past and I see him now. Both are who he is, and that will never change. I care for the whole of him. You only cared for half.”

Rey looked absolutely dumbfounded, and a tad regretful. She knew you were right. She had known it all along.

“He can still be saved.”

“That’s neither of our jobs,” you snapped. “He doesn't need to change. He needs to be understood.”

Rey shook her head, as if she didn’t want to accept what she knew was true. 

“How can you look past the darkness?” Rey spoke softly, surrendering to your words.

“I don’t.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

You blew out a long breath. Rey was strong, but she was naive. An idealist, unable, or unwilling, to see the reality of the universe.

“We all have darkness in us. Only fools try to ignore it.”

She furrowed her brow, looking deep within herself, contemplative. 

“There’s Light in him too.” 

“Yes. There is.”

Rey sighed, hesitating, but eventually removed the necklace and stared down at it in her hand. “Anakin never stopped loving Padme.”

“And love is Light.”

Rey nodded and looked back to you.

“Do you think this will help?”

Nodding, you spoke gently, not wanting to scare her away. You were so close. _So_ close.

“I think it will help him find the remaining pieces of who he is.”

She nodded, eyes still cast on the necklace in her hand.

_Is she really about to do what I think she’s doing…?_

She exhaled shakily and held the necklace out. You were skeptical.

“Why are you doing this?”

Rey’s eyes welled up with tears, her bottom lip quivering.

“Because… I don’t know what to believe anymore. Dark and light. Good and evil. I thought I knew,” she sniffed. Tears fell gracefully down her cheeks. “The things Master Skywalker teaches me… I can’t help but feel… dissonance… on certain things.” She stared off into the distance, cheek stained with sadness. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

_Damn._

“The way Ben _feels_ when he’s around you,” her watery eyes found yours again, voice shaking with raw emotion. You didn’t have the heart to correct her on his name. “You give him hope.”

Your heart fluttered in your chest.

“I still believe he is the key to ending all this. Please. Take it.”

You slowly reached out and she dropped the necklace in your palm. The weight of it, the cool metal against your skin, the sheer energy encapsulated within the blue crystal, sent shivers up your spine and littered your skin with goosebumps. It was beautiful.

“Thank you.”

Rey gave you a tiny smile before throwing her arms around your neck, pulling you into the tightest hug imaginable. You froze, not exactly _used_ to that kind of thing, but eventually wrapped your arms around her as well.

“Take care of him,” she whispered in your ear.

And with that, she turned and ran off. 

You watched her as she went, disappearing into the desert night. 

“...Did that really just happen?” you asked nobody.

It was unbelievable. _Like…?_

How in the galaxy you pulled that off, you had no clue. All you knew was she saw something in you. In your relationship, or whatever you had, with Kylo. It gave _her_ hope, and now she questioned everything the Jedi taught her.

You wondered what was next for her. Would the Resistance kick her out? Would Luke drop her as a student? She committed full-on _treason._

Whatever was going to happen, she had made her choice. 

You admired the necklace again and you turned to walk back inside. Upon entering, you immediately felt Kylo’s presence and looked up to find him standing in the middle of the room.

“Kylo?”

Upon looking harder, you saw a quivering chin followed by the saddest eyes you’d ever seen, letting tears trail down his cheeks before he fell to his knees.

“Kylo!”

You hurried to him, getting down on your knees. He immediately reached out and grabbed you, pulling you into your second hug of the night. 

Crushing you to him, Kylo buried his face in your shoulder. You wrapped your arms around him, holding on as tightly as you could. As you held on, Kylo’s body shook with silent sobs as he took shelter in your embrace. You leaned your cheek against his head and stroked his hair. Tears flooded your eyes. 

He had been abused and betrayed by his Master, wounding him deeply. It was heartbreaking. 

“I’m so sorry,” you cried. “Kylo, I’m so sorry.”

He gripped you tighter. Like he was drowning and you were his lifeline. 

Minutes passed and his breathing began to slow. You pulled back to look at him, his head hanging low. You took his face into your hands, rubbing slow circles on his wet cheeks. His head slowly lifted, and when his blood-shot eyes met yours, your insides turned inside out with pure, unfiltered, raw yearning. 

He was so beautiful. Tear-stained cheeks, puffy eyes and all. He could tear your heart out of your chest and you’d thank him. It beat so wildly it hurt. 

“Did you mean it?”

_Mean what?_

He looked at you deeper. 

_Oh._

He heard you. With Rey. 

Your stomach twisted, embarrassed and nervous. He heard. Everything. You could no longer deny what you’d already said out loud.

“Every word.” 

Fresh tears welled in his eyes as he inhaled shakily. His hands gripped the sides of your face and then his lips were on yours. 

You kissed him back, with a passion that burned brighter than the two suns of Tatooine. It was everything you needed. Wanted. Craved. The past day had been torture, him ignoring you. In pain and unable to accept help. You wanted to help him. To help him realize how monumentally incredible he was. Help him understand the weighted effect he had on you. You wanted him. You wanted him desperately. 

Kylo moaned against your mouth, causing you to gasp. He took advantage of the moment and slipped his tongue past your lips, greedily massaging your own. You groaned at the sensation, fire lighting in your core.

He ran his hands down your body. Down your neck, over our chest and down your hips. Every square inch of you lit up at his touch. He scooped his hands under you and lifted, wrapping your legs around his waist as he stood without breaking away. 

He propped your back against the wall and thrust against you, evidence of his arousal pressing between your legs. You gasped at the sensation. Utter thrill shot up your spine accompanied with a pleasure you had never felt before. 

It stoked the fire in you, amplifying it into a roaring wildfire that threatened to consume you. You rolled your hips against him, needing to feel that aliveness again. Kylo practically growled against your mouth as he continued to thrust, meeting your hips with his own. 

You could feel how wet you were between your legs, coating your heat as the friction built between you.

“Kylo,” you groaned. He thrust harder as you matched his pace. You moved as one as the pleasure built. You threw your head back as Kylo’s lips assaulted your neck. His free hand came up and groped your chest, eliciting another whimper from your mouth.

“Yara,” he feverishly whispered into your soft skin. “Yara.” 

His voice was husky with need, deep with longing and hot as fucking hell.

You moaned louder and louder as his erection rubbed you in just the right spot until you were seeing stars, pushing you over the edge, cascading into ultimate euphoria as he soon followed. 

The two of you breathed heavily, hardly able to catch your breath as you looked at each other.

He kissed you one last time before carrying you over to your bed mat and sliding under the covers without letting you go. 

Tucking you into his chest, his wild heart filled your ears, thrumming a beautiful rhythm you could listen to for the rest of your life.

He placed soft tender kisses to the top of your head as his hand stroked up and down your back.

It was perfect. A happiness you never knew existed. 

Two things you knew for sure. 

He was _yours_. 

And you were undoubtedly, irrevocably, _happily_ …

His. 

***

You woke the next morning to an absent Kylo and a note laying next to your head.

_Be back soon._

You smiled, remembering the previous night, cheeks flushing a pathetic red. A warm fuzzy feeling tingled behind your belly button. It was kind of nice. Clutching the note to your chest, you shook your head and laughed. You hardly recognized yourself. Completely infatuated and indisputably _happy._

Stretching your arms above your head, you took in your surroundings. Still in the middle of nowhere, but that didn’t matter. You were heading home today. 

_Home._ You smiled again. Who would’ve thought you’d ever be happy about that.

You reached into your pocket and took out the necklace, holding it next to Anakin’s saber. You examined the two closely, both vibrating stronger than ever before. 

They were connected. And they were happy to be reunited. 

Suddenly, something stuck out to you at the base of the saber. You looked closer.

_Holy shit…_

The pair buzzed even louder, practically screaming in excitement. It all began to make sense as you connected the dots. 

It was undeniable. 

You had figured it out.

A hungry determination engulfed your entire being.

It was time to take action.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh! Please let me know what you think! As always, your comments give me life and the motivation to continuing making this the best story it can be. Love you all!


	14. Part 1: The Necklace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You stepped forward, unclipping the saber from your belt and held it out.
> 
> “I figured it out. The connection between the necklace and saber.”
> 
> Kylo’s head snapped toward you. His utter confusion fogged the air around you. Your breath quickened. 
> 
> You ignited the saber and sent it into Snoke’s hand with the Force. 
> 
> “You didn’t mention that.”
> 
> Your heart hammered harder.
> 
> “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Part 1 of a 2 part chapter. This one is short but necessary. Please enjoy.

You shoved the saber and necklace in your bag upon hearing footsteps outside the door. Kylo couldn’t know. Not yet. It would ruin everything. 

You forced the memory deep into the recesses of your brain, trying your best to build a miniature wall around it. Block by block you secured it, rendering it undetectable by anyone in the Force. You hoped he wouldn’t notice. 

He would ask about it though. What would you tell him? To simply trust you? He’d have to. Would you lie? Maybe. 

The door swung open, revealing a certain Kylo Ren in a sleeveless black shirt, sweaty and breathing heavy.

You tried not to drool.

“What were you doing?”

He looked nervous. _Shy._ And was definitely avoiding eye contact. 

He cleared his throat. “Um. Training.” He wiped his brow and clipped his saber on his belt.

“Training?”

He shuffled his feet, a deep red flushing across his cheeks. 

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I just needed...to blow off some steam,” he didn’t allow you the chance to respond. “Let’s go.”

He turned and walked out the door toward the ship.

_...kay?_

You quickly changed out of your sleeping clothes and trotted after him.

Upon entering the ship, you found him preparing for take off. You sat in the co-pilot chair and started to help.

He didn’t look at you. Just stared at the slew of buttons and switches needing to be clicked and pushed. 

Once the ship was up in the air and into lightspeed, he rigidly sat back, worrying his lips between his teeth. 

_Okay, enough of this._

You turned to him.

“What’s up?”

He looked at you before his eyes darted to the ground.

“I don’t know what you’re talking-”

“You’re acting weird. What’s the deal?”

“I’m not-!”

“What’s. The. deal.” You enunciated each word slowly and concisely. “You’re being short and won’t even look me in the eye. You needed to blow off ‘steam’ this morning? What did I do to piss you off?”

“You didn’t!”

“Then why!”

Kylo groaned, anxiously running his hands through his hair.

“Because I’ve never done this before!”

Oh.

“I don’t know how- how to do this,” he said blushing a furious red. “I woke up and you were so beautiful and I couldn’t- I couldn’t handle not…” he cleared his throat, “not touching you.”

He looked at you nervously.

“So I went outside to… _blow off some steam_.”

_Ohhhh._

You hadn’t realized he meant _that_ kind of steam. A smile spread across your face, sticking out your bottom lip adoringly at him. It was the cutest thing you’d ever heard.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“But you’re adorable!”

Kylo huffed.

“Look, I’m sorry for being short. I just…don’t know how to proceed.”

“Well, how do you _want_ to proceed?”

He paused, pursing his lips deep in thought. You had to commend his effort of trying to talk about this kind of stuff. Poor guy didn’t have a clue how.

As you thought about it, you realized you didn’t really have a clue either. Sure, you were experienced in sex, but that was always for _work._ Jobs that required physical intimacy to get what you needed. You had been with a plethora of men and women.

However… _Feelings_? That was a whole other ball game. 

“Am I allowed to-?”

“Yes, you’re allowed to touch me.”

He glanced at you and then at his hands, a soft smile gracing his pouty lips. You giggled. “You can even kiss me if you want.”

His eyes shot up.

You smirked at him. “Whenever you want.”

His lips parted as his eyes bore deeply into yours, threatening to swallow you whole. The way he looked at you never failed to take your breath away. Like he was looking at treasure. Something worth protecting. He said you looked beautiful this morning. It was _your_ turn to blush. He made your skin absolutely simmer. 

You looked away, hoping to hide it, but his hand reached out to touch your cheek, turning your head back to face him. Guiding your eyes back to his own. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. 

An explosion of butterflies burst behind your belly button. It was so intense you could practically puke rainbows from the vulnerable euphoria you felt. You felt completely exposed. You didn’t hate it.

He leaned in and tenderly placed his lips on yours. The kiss was gentle and lingering, as if pulling away would physically break him. His lips were so plump and warm and _perfect._ You wanted to drown in them and never get out. To lose yourself in his warm sweetness. His thumb stroked your cheek as he sighed when he broke away, placing his forehead against yours.

“What do we tell Snoke?”

_Ugh._

You had been waiting for that question. 

Good thing you had an answer prepared.

“The truth.”

Kylo pulled back, shooting you a questioning look as if to say, “are you crazy?”

You nodded.

“Crazy enough to be doing this with _you_ ,” you poked his chest. He smiled at your teasing, but that all-encompassing seriousness soon crept back onto his face. 

“And what is the truth?”

“It’s simple,” you began. “Rey had a change of heart and gave us the necklace.” 

“Okay, but what about _us_?”

“What about it?”

“He’s going to know!”

“Then we don’t say anything unless he does.” You stroked your hand down his scar. He leaned into your touch, sighing. “Just… don’t worry. I’ll handle that part.”

**_How am I supposed to not worry?_ **

You kissed him again. Deeper this time. He wasted no time kissing you back just as passionately. 

“Just trust me,” you whispered against his lips. “Trust me.”

He kissed you again.

“Okay.”

***

“Did you get a chance to inspect the necklace and saber?”

A pang a guilt shot up your spine.

“No. I thought we’d leave that to the Supreme Leader.”

Kylo paused for a moment.

“Good idea.”

***

“Ah. Yara. Ren. Welcome back.” Hux stood at the bottom of the ramp as the two of you exited. 

“Hi!” you greeted cheerfully. You felt Kylo roll his eyes behind you. 

“You’re back earlier than expected.”

“The mission was easier than expected,” Kylo said. “The Supreme Leader will be expecting a debriefing. I’ll meet you there in 15.” 

He made his way ahead of you as you stayed back with Hux.

“I assume everything is better?”

You looked at Hux, unsure of what to say. You inhaled deeply. Scared of the ramifications of what you had to do. You didn’t want to lose Hux as a friend. As much as it pained you to admit… you needed him. 

You pushed a single thought into his mind.

_Follow me._

His eyes widened, shocked at the power you radiated, but he did as you said. 

You walked for a few minutes before pulling him into an empty conference room.

“What is this about?”

“Hux…” you started. “I need you to promise me something.”

He raised an eyebrow. “That depends on what it is.”

You bit your lips. Nervous. 

“Please,” you whispered. His rigid posture softened at the seriousness in your voice. “Promise you won’t hate me.”

“Hate you?”

You nodded. “There is something I need to do. Promise me you’ll understand.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean…”

You stepped closer. He shifted uncomfortably at your proximity. 

“You’ll know when the time is right.” 

Hux furrowed his brow at your words. 

“Please,” you begged. Your hand landed softly on his cheek. “I cannot lose you.”

His entire demeanor softened at your touch. He looked at you deeply, trying to understand. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t until the time came.

“Yara…”

“Please.”

Hux inhaled deeply and nodded after a moment of contemplation. 

You sighed softly in relief. Somehow, you knew you could count on him. He was your friend. And that meant everything to you. 

You smiled at him and leaned in to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. His face was beet red as you pulled away, confusion written in his eyes. 

“Thank you.”

You turned to exit the room but stopped at the door and turned back to him.

“Don’t tell Kylo,” you teased.

His hand touched the spot your lips had softly grazed and smiled. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

***

You stood outside the throne room doors, Kylo at your side.

This was it. The moment you had been dreading. You checked to see if the wall you had built around that single memory was in place. It stood strong. Daring anyone to try and discover its secrets. You pushed it down deeper, rendering it completely undetectable. 

“You’re nervous.”

_Fuck._

You cleared your throat. 

“Just anxious.”

Kylo reached out and squeezed your hand. You wanted to throw up.

“Snoke is wise. He’ll know what to do with the necklace.”

You nodded as he dropped your hand.

The double doors opened with a flourish and you stepped inside. Snoke waited at the end of the room on his massive throne as the two of you approached him. The blinding red of Snoke’s Praetorian Guard lined the perimeter of the room. You counted seven of them. Every single one armed to the teeth. 

“Yara. Kylo Ren. That was quick.”

You knelt at the base of the throne, Anakin’s saber dangling at your hip. It’s weight was almost too much to bear. 

“Rise.”

You did. 

“Pray tell… how did you manage such a feat.”

This was it. The ultimate test of your abilities. You gathered the memories of Rey and nothing more, careful not to give the rest away, and pushed them toward Snoke. 

_“Why are you doing this?”_

_Rey’s eyes welled up with tears, her bottom lip quivering._

_“Because… I don’t know what to believe anymore.Dark and light. Good and evil. I thought I knew,” she sniffed. Tears fell gracefully down her cheeks. “The things Master Skywalker teaches me… I can’t help but feel… dissonance… on certain things.” She stared off into the distance, cheeks stained with sadness. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”_

His eyes lit up. 

“She gave it to you? Just like that?”

You nodded. “She’s deserted the Resistance.”

Snoke bellowed a roaring bark of laughter, clapping his hands together.

“Wonderful!” he cried. “Simply wonderful. This is just the beginning of their downfall. Well done, you two. Well done.”

“Thank you, Supreme Leader,” you said in unison. 

Your heart raced, beating out of your tightly wound chest. Clearing your throat, you spoke up again. 

“That’s not all, Master.”

He raised a barely there eyebrow. 

“Oh?”

You stepped forward, unclipping the saber from your belt and held it out.

“I figured it out. The connection between the necklace and saber.”

Kylo’s head snapped toward you. His utter confusion fogged the air around you. Your breath quickened. 

You ignited the saber and sent it into Snoke’s hand with the Force. 

“You didn’t mention that.”

Your heart hammered harder.

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Snoke smiled an evil smile as his eyes bored into yours.

“You’re full of those, aren’t you?”

You choked out a chuckle, hoping he wouldn’t detect your fear.

Kylo had yet to look away from you. You felt his confusion. His slight anger at the secret you kept from him. You tried your best to ignore it. 

“Well then, _apprentice._ I’m waiting.”

You took another step forward. It was time. A rush of adrenaline shot through your body. Determination settled in your bones. The Force rushed around you, as if to assure you that this was right. To assure that this was what you needed to do. That this needed to be done. For the good of the galaxy. For the good of everyone.

“The base of the saber, Supreme Leader. Take a look.”

Snoke turned the saber in his hand.. 

_Three._

He lifted it closer to his face. 

_Two._

His eyes squinted, searching for the discovery you spoke of. 

_One._

The wall you created slammed down as you thought the single word that would end it all. 

_Ignite._

And it did, revealing its true form. 

A saber staff. 

The second blue beam shot out of the base, magnificent and proud in all of its glory...

Straight through the Supreme Leader’s skull. 

*

*

*

_My bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .........let me know what you think in the comments. See you soon.


	15. Part 2: The Necklace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kylo,” you whispered. 
> 
> He didn’t budge. 
> 
> This was the part that scared you the most.
> 
> His reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Part 2!!!!! We're far from over, people.

Snoke’s head shot back from the power of the blue blade impaling his skull. The beam penetrated his left eye, killing him instantly.

His lifeless body slumped against the throne, slowly sliding off the seat and settling on the stairs below. 

The saber staff ripped from him, flying back into your hand as you called it with the Force. It buzzed maniacally in celebration. It’s enemy had been defeated. 

But you could care less. The only thing that mattered to you in that moment was Kylo.

His eyes were wide, practically bulging out of his head at the sight of his dead master. You could feel his heart racing, matching the pace of your own. He looked utterly terrified. As if Snoke would wake up at any second and exact his revenge. To deliver punishment for the ultimate betrayal. But he wouldn’t. He never would again. 

“Kylo,” you whispered. 

He didn’t budge. 

This was the part that scared you the most.

His reaction. 

For the first time, you couldn’t read him. Couldn’t hear his thoughts.You needed to know. To know how he felt. _What_ he felt. 

Did he hate you? Would he turn on you? Tell you he never wanted to see you again?

You had killed his master. His teacher. The only constant he ever had. The Supreme fucking Leader of the First Order. If you thought what _Rey_ did was bad… this was a whole new level of treason.

Where did his loyalties lie? They were with Snoke, but he was gone now. Did that mean he would side with The Order against you? But you did this to _help_ The Order. To save Kylo. Deep down you _knew_ that Snoke didn’t give second chances. He’d have you kill him once he knew the mission was successful. You _felt_ it. You refused to even give him the chance to say it. To betray him again. To ask you to kill the only person in the world who understood you. Took care of you. _Cared_ for you. You would never hurt him. You’d kill anyone that threatened to take him away from you. He was sewn so deeply into your soul. A life without him was meaningless now. 

Surely he saw that. 

Did he?

If only he would say something. _Do_ something. Assure you that it was alright. That you did the right thing. _Thank_ you. 

The only thing you could read was his fear. It was debilitating. 

Tears flooded your eyes. The weight of the moment threatened to crush you. 

You were about to say his name again when the thunder of marching footsteps and the buzzing of deadly weapons echoed around the room. You ripped your eyes away to see a new threat. 

The Praetorian Guard.

They were preparing for the slaughter. 

Kylo still hadn’t moved. Frozen in place, the shock paralyzing him. The footsteps grew closer as the guards closed in on you. 

“Kylo…” 

Nothing. 

_Come on! Come on!_

Did he not feel the imminent danger you both were in? Apparently. He was blind to the rest of the world. He needed to hear you. He needed to fight.

“KYLO!!!” you screamed as if your life depended on it. 

Kylo snapped out of the trance, his eyes finally finding yours. 

“Please,” you whispered.

_Please._

His saber ignited. 

The crackling fire lit up, highlighting his face in a red hue that took your breath away.

Finally, he nodded. 

Relief flooded your body. 

It was all you needed. 

With a new determination flooding your senses, you nodded back. There was no more time for words. Now it was about survival. Kylo knew that. And as he had done so many times before, he shoved his everything aside, becoming the feral Knight of Ren the galaxy knew him as. It was time. 

The two of you spun around, springing into your fighting positions back to back. You felt his warm body behind you. It gave you strength. This was not over. Not yet. You had only just begun. 

You were surrounded. Three guards faced you, the other four were up to Kylo. 

_Three. Two. One._

The battle began. 

You ran at the guard immediately to your right, swinging your saber at its neck. They blocked it just barely as you spun to deflect a blow from behind. You punched the guard in the stomach, sending it flying backwards with the Force. It slammed against the wall with a thud. You turned just in time to block two vibroblades with your staff, each beam blocking both attacks. You pushed with all your might, causing them to stumble back, giving you the opportunity to plunge your blade through the bright red chest of the guard to your right. 

You felt the guard you slammed against the wall struggle to get up. Throwing out your hand, you threw him back again, the sound of cracking bones was music to your ears. 

_Two down._

You saw Kylo out of the corner of your eye decapitate a guard and spin at the last second to block the blow of an electrified blade while simultaneously snapping the neck of another. He looked absolutely ferocious. Pure power radiated from every movement. Every attack. Every blow. Every block. He danced around the guards, striking to kill every time. 

_This_ was the Master of the Knights of Ren. The Jedi Killer. The incredible monster everyone knew and feared. 

This was Kylo Ren. 

_Pain._

A spiked whip slashed across your upper arm, breaking the black armour covering your body.

“FUCK!”

The searing wound fueled your rage as the storm of fury raged throughout your body. A feral growl escaped your throat as you charged at him, your saber catching the whip as it came flying at you a second time. You wound it around the beam, dragging the guard closer to you. Swinging the other blade around, you caught its arm, severing it from its body. Pulling your staff away, it untangled from the whip as you flipped over the guard’s shoulder, slitting its throat in the act. 

As Kylo blocked blow after blow from a single guard, you saw one sprint up behind him. You ran and slid in front of it before it’s aim could hit its target. You parried its swing, locking blades as the guard pushed its weapon toward your face.

Reaching behind you, you grabbed Kylo’s thigh as he brought his blade down, his momentum transferring to your body as he brought down his saber and thrusted you forward as you lifted your leg to deliver a blow to the guard’s chest. It fell backwards as the other came at you. You ducked, the blade just barely missing your head. You smelled burned hair. You felt around behind your head. An inch of your ponytail was gone.

_Oh fuuuuck no._

“You just ruined my fucking hair, you bitch!”

You sprinted at him, and brought down your staff, slamming it against the guard’s weapon as you pushed it closer to its helmet. You crouched down and swept your legs under theirs 

It fell to the floor. You wound your leg back and kicked it straight in the groin, causing the guard to scream in pain. You tried not to laugh.

“Payback.”

You spun the staff above your head and brought it down through the guard’s thick skull. 

Kylo’s grunts echoed around the room as he swung his saber with perfect precision. Predatory eyes locking with his enemy. You saw the red blade find its mark in his victim’s neck. The sight filled you with glee.

_Two to go._

Breathing heavily, you locked eyes on your next target. It was the biggest of the guards, standing over a foot taller than you. 

Much like your saber staff, he had a staff of his own, buzzing with an electricity meant to kill. 

A battle cry erupted from your throat as you charged at him. Swinging your staff, he blocked blow after blow as you pushed him back with the weight of your attack. He ducked, avoiding another swing, causing you to slightly stumble. He stood and wound his fist back, delivering a solid punch straight to your eye.

_Ow._

Your rage grew, amplifying into a blazing inferno from the wound on your arm and soon-to-be black eye. The pain fueled you. Something you learned from Kylo. You let it envelop you. It coursed through your veins, feeding into the Dark Side that rushed around you. 

Centering yourself, you stood taller as the guard went in for another attack. You sidestepped, his staff missing you by an inch. Your foot kicked at its knee as it lunged forward, sending the guard to the ground. You turned and raised your saber, aiming for its heart. The guard quickly rolled out of the way causing you to slash the floor. It stood and came at you again. You blocked and parried every move. It went for your legs but you jumped into the air, avoiding its weapon and delivering a kick to the side of its helmet before you landed and rolled away as it slashed its weapon around violently. 

A grunt from Kylo erupted from behind you as he ruthlessly launched his assault against his last guard. You hoped he was ok. Of course he was ok, he was Kylo Ren, but that didn’t stop you from worrying. You yearned to check on him, but your guard allowed you no opportunity to break from focus. 

It feigned an attack from above, tricking you into lifting your saber, leaving your body exposed as its foot connected with your gut. You bent over with an _oof,_ the blow leaving you breathless.

**_Focus._ **

Kylo’s voice reverberated inside your mind. It gave you comfort, allowing you the strength to catch your breath as you dodged another swipe. 

The guard circled you, the predator stalking its prey. This pissed you off. You were no one’s prey. _You_ were the hunter and you’d accept nothing less. 

_Let’s finish this._

You ran at him, launching a brutal onslaught of jabs and strikes. Backing it into a corner, you were relentless. It had to break at some point, its stamina beginning to slow as you took no mercy. 

It’s staff caught yours. Gritting your teeth, you pushed against each other, locked in a stalemate. The guard was skilled with a weapon, but you realized something. Something that should’ve been obvious from the beginning. 

It was powerless against the Force.

You withdrew your weapon and flipped backwards, creating a gap between you two. You shot out your hand, slamming the guard back with the Force. It hit the wall but stayed on its feet. You sent another shockwave of energy its way, this time locking onto its body. You raised it into the air, feet dangling several feet off the ground, and slammed it back into the floor. You didn’t give it a chance to regain its footing. 

With everything inside you, the sheer darkness that engulfed your very soul, you reached into that dark place and closed your eyes. Scraping every shred of power you could find, you let it consume you. Your body vibrated with an energy that could charge the entire ship. After a deep breath, you opened your eyes and released. 

Lightning shot from your fingertips, hitting the guard square in the chest. Its body lit up, enveloped in an electric blue light that ravaged its body. 

You didn’t let up. 

The chaotic string of lightning held strong, electrifying the red figure’s entire being until its armor began to disintegrate. Piece by piece, bit by bit, the guard shriveled to the ground, leaving nothing but a charred faceless body. 

You withdrew your hand, vision becoming spotty as you struggled to stay on your feet. Dizziness overwhelmed you. 

_Kylo. I need to help Kylo._

You spun wobbily on your heel, ready to aid your dark knight at any cost. As you tried to get a hold of your muddied vision, a blurry red figure charged at you, weapon raised. You stumbled back, unable to clearly see your assailant. Where was your saber? It was no longer in your hand. You must have dropped it when you summoned the entirety of your Force to create lightning. 

You were too out of it. Your body felt heavy and your mind was exhausted. You tried to call the Force but fell short. You had used up everything you had inside of you.

This was it.

This was your end. 

But you weren’t scared. You were going to die for something you believed in. For a cause you cared about. For someone you loved. 

_Love._

And that was okay with you. 

The guard was only feet away. You didn’t budge. Didn’t try to get out of the way. You were ready to succumb to your fate. 

The guard raised its weapon above its head, preparing to deliver one final blow. You let out a deep breath, taking solace in the moment. 

You had saved Kylo from his death, and that was all that mattered to you. 

You were _happy._ Happy to die for him. 

You took one last look as death stared you in the face. Any second now, it would be ov-

The guard stopped in its tracks. 

_What the-_

A red saber burst through its chest, impaling its heart from behind. 

_Kylo._

He appeared over the guard’s shoulder, a look of feral rage plastered on his face. 

“Fuck you,” he spat in its ear before withdrawing his saber. The guard dropped to the ground with a thud. Defeated.

Tears streamed unceremoniously down your face as you gulped for air. 

You were alive.

Kylo had saved you. 

He threw the lifeless body across the room and stormed up to you, grabbing you by the arms.

“You were going to let him kill you!!!” Kylo screamed as he shook your body. “Why?!”

You stared into his furious eyes, unable to find the words. 

“WHY?!” he shook you harder. “ANSWER ME!”

You inhaled shakily as your hand moved to cup his cheek. 

“I’ve fulfilled my purpose,” you said softly, the tears falling relentlessly down your cheeks. “You’re free.”

“NO!” he bellowed. “Your purpose isn’t OVER!” 

Tears clouded his eyes as well. You looked up at him in awe. Your savior. Your lifeline. 

“Your purpose is with me.”

And then his lips were on yours. Crushing your mouth with his, he wrapped his arms around your body and harshly pulled you into him, embracing you with all his strength. 

You kissed him back with a passion that could kill. He was here. He was alive and so were you. Together. Victorious. 

“You’re not allowed to die,” he whispered against your lips, his tears mixing with your own. 

Your free hand cupped the other side of his face and you looked deeply into his eyes.

“Forgive me.”

Kylo swallowed thickly and pressed his forehead against yours, his hands exploring your entire body, as if to assure himself you were still there.

“Snoke is dead,” he whispered shakily. 

Your tears fell harder.

“I could never hurt you, Kylo,” you cried. “He wanted me to and I- I couldn’t. I _wouldn’t_.” You struggled to get the words out. “I’ll kill anyone if it means being with you.” A sob escaped your lips. “Do you hate me?”

Kylo pulled back slightly and locked eyes with your own. 

“Never.”

Another sob. However, this one was of reprieve. Of joy. Of pure, unadulterated relief. 

“Never, Yara.” He cupped your face in his massive hands and kissed your forehead. Your nose. Your bruised eye. Your cheeks. Your lips. Everywhere. Taking you in completely. 

You flung your arms around him and buried your face in his chest. You inhaled deeply, breathing in his scent. He was here. With you. Right where you were meant to be.

Kylo rested his head against yours, engulfing you in his strong arms.

“I’m free,” he whispered. “I’m free.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, you smiled. 

He was free. 

After a lifetime of pain, he was free from his torturer. Free from his violent restraints. Free from the _thing_ that betrayed him and wanted him dead.

Free to be yours.

“Kylo, I-”

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!”

The throne room doors slammed open.

Hux. 

_Fuck._

Another thing you had been dreading. 

“Supreme Leader?!” he cried loudly. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, REN?! I’LL KILL YOU! I SWEAR I’LL-”

You grit your teeth and did what needed to be done.

Spinning around, you threw your hand out, the Force back with you once again, and grabbed Hux by the throat with it. 

His hands came to his neck as he sputtered, struggling to breath. 

You stepped closer. 

“The Supreme Leader-”

“The Supreme Leader is _dead,_ ” you spat. His eyes widened, fury blazing in his pupils.

You continued choking him, letting up just a tad to give him some room to take a breath. Your face softened apologetically, eyes pleading with him. Pleading with him to understand. To understand that _this_ was what needed to be done. That this is what you meant when you asked him not to hate you. 

You let up your hold a little more, worrying your lips between your teeth as you waited for a sign. Something, _anything_ , that told you he understood.

You wafted a single thought into the General’s head.

_I’m sorry._

Recognition dawned on his bright red face, fury still lying beneath it. He was mad. _Pissed_. But his realization was evident. He grit his teeth and begrudgingly spoke as his eyes landed on Kylo Ren.

“Long live the Supreme Leader,” he choked out. 

You released your hold on him and he fell to his knees, gasping for air. 

You turned to Kylo, a soft smile on your lips as you too got down on your knees.

“Long live the Supreme Leader.” 

Kylo breathed heavily, taking in the sight before him. A strong determination took him then, cascading into his body as he stood taller. 

He turned and stepped toward the throne, using the Force to throw Snoke’s carcass out of the way. 

And then something incredible happened. 

He walked up the stairs, turned, and sat down. 

Taking his throne as the First Order’s new Supreme Leader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPREME FUCKING LEADER KYLO REN!!!! This chapter was so HARD but so FUN to write. Thank you all for sticking with me. I can't believe there are 4,000 of you reading this. It fucking blows my mind. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments! I've said it before and I'll say it again: Hearing from you guys gives me LIFE! 
> 
> Until next time <3
> 
> p.s. i just HAD to include the thigh touch. sue me.


	16. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You looked into each other’s eyes. A million words spoken by just a simple glance. You had been through so much. Everything you wanted to say was caught in your throat. The same went for him. Kylo swallowed thickly.
> 
> “Yara, I-”
> 
> You couldn’t take it anymore.
> 
> You grabbed the sides of his face and brought his lips to your own. Hungry for him. For his touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ........here ya go

“Hux! Hux, I know you’re in there!”

You banged furiously on the metal door.

“Hux! Come on, let me in!”

Nothing.

You took a step back, hanging your head in defeat. 

“Hux. I’m sorry.”

Silence.

*

*

*

_Love._

It was so foreign, so alien. So utterly ridiculous.

But… as that guard charged at you, weapon drawn for the kill, it was the only thing on your mind. You were ready to die for Kylo. Ready to sacrifice yourself so that he could be free. People didn’t just do that for no reason. 

Was it love?

You had never felt it before. How were you supposed to know? 

He made you feel safe. Cared for. _Cherished._ Like you were important. More important than your job. Important as an actual person. Before you were just a shadow. Making your way through the galaxy. Nameless to everyone you encountered. A machine bred to kill. That was your purpose. But Kylo had given you a new one.

Not just with the First Order. But with him. 

He knew you completely. Had seen the very depth of your soul. The crimes you had committed. The trauma you experienced. Your commitment to killing the past. The things you were capable of. He saw things you didn’t even know existed in you. Your desire to belong somewhere. To be more than what life had made of you. 

He had given that to you. 

You shared something unheard of. Something that didn’t exist. An unbreakable bond. 

He made your insides flutter. Your cheeks blush. Your core shake. He made you _nervous._ Vulnerable. 

Happy.

Had you ever been happy before? _No_. Not like this. 

You missed him when he wasn’t around. Your heart sang when he was close. You wanted to touch him. _All the time._ You were so incredibly drawn to him it was painful to even look away. 

_Jesus fuck._

You hardly recognized yourself. Who was this Yara? 

You stared at the mirror in your quarters. Cut up, bloodied and bruised. Armor slashed. Sweaty with fried hair. 

Kylo had dismissed Hux and you from the throne room. He needed space. Time alone. You understood that. Hux had practically sprinted out of there, not even sparing a single glance in your direction. And now he refused to speak to you. He needed to cool off, but you _would_ talk eventually. That was for certain.

But what could you even say?

_Hey, Hux. Sorry for killing your Supreme Leader and Force-choking you into submission._

Yeah, that would go over well. 

So, there you were. Alone in your quarters, staring at your disturbing reflection. Waiting. You had no clue what would happen next. How would the First Order proceed? How would they take the news? Surely it wasn’t going to be easy. A lot of convincing was probably in order. Some more Force-choking for sure. 

You felt a soft tingle at the back of your skull before your door slid open, revealing an equally banged-up Kylo Ren.

He stepped in, walking up behind you, his reflection appeared beside yours.

You stood in silence for a few moments before he spoke.

“You’re hurt.”

You smiled softly.

“So are you.”

“I’m never hurt.”

Your smile slid into a smirk as you rolled your eyes.

“Of course, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo’s breath caught in his throat and looked away as a slight blush spread across his cheeks. 

“Let me help you.”

Butterflies swirled behind your belly button. You weren’t gonna say no to that.

Kylo took your hand and led you to the couch. You sat as he went to fetch the first aid kit in the bathroom.

He came back and sat at your feet, delicately lifting your arm and assessing the wounded flesh. 

He brushed his hand over the torn fabric of your arm and cleared his throat.

“Can you, uh, take this off?” An even fiercer blush painted his cheeks. It was adorable. 

You stood and turned your back to him.

“Undo me?”

After a moment, Kylo delicately placed his hand on your shoulder, undoing the fastens and slowly unzipped the zipper to your lower back. Carefully, he pulled the strong fabric off your shoulders, softly turning you around to remove the armor down your arms, exposing your chest and stomach as he let the top half of your body suit fall at your waist. 

Kylo bit his lip as you stood there in just your breast band and pants, averting his eyes from your own, the flush on his cheeks ever-present. You smirked internally as his thoughts seeped into your own.

**_Fuck._ **

You swallowed a giggle, allowing him to sit you back down and get to work on your arm. 

He silently and meticulously cleaned the wound, his touch gentle and soothing.

“Does it hurt?”

“No,” you whispered hoarsely, completely lost in the way he took care of you. 

“I’ll need to stitch it up.”

Kylo grabbed the needle and thread, cautiously sewing your skin back together. You felt no pain. Just his warm fingertips and soft touch. He cautiously applied bacta to the area before wrapping gauze around your arm. He smoothed his hand over the finished product, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

He looked up, satisfied with his work. 

“Your eye.”

He reached out to brush his fingers over the swelling bruise and gash under your eyelid. His hand cupped your cheek as his thumb stroked over the black and blue skin. He stared at it intently, lost in a million thoughts. 

“Is it that bad?”

“No. You’re beautiful.”

It was your turn to blush. You tried to look away, but Kylo’s hand kept your head steady, unwilling to let you look anywhere besides him. 

After a long moment, he dropped his hand and cleaned the cut, applied bacta and patched it with a butterfly stitch. He sat back to admire his work, checking you over one more time.

“Does anything else hurt?”

“No. Thank you.”

He stood and so did you, your chests practically touching. Faces inches apart.

“You’re welcome,” he breathed. 

“What about you?”

“I’m fine.”

“Liar.”

Kylo scoffed. 

“I’ve never lied to you.”

“Ahuh. Take your shirt off.”

Kylo gave you a questioning look. “Why?”

“Because it’s torn above your hip and blood is seeping through.”

Kylo’s head immediately shot down, pressing his hand to the spot you pointed out. Blood covered his fingers. 

“Oh.”

You laughed. “‘Oh’ is right,” you tapped his shoulder. “Off.”

Kylo complied, stepping back to remove his cowl and undershirt. Your jaw dropped as he lifted his last layer, exposing his pale torso.

_Oh my fucking god._

He stood bare-chested in front of you, nerves written all over his face.

He was _massive._ And positively ripped. Scars littered his body from a lifetime of battle. You could see where the scar on his face traveled down his throat onto his enormous pec. 

And he thought _you_ were beautiful. He was in a whole other category. God-like. 

The wound above his hip wasn’t bad. Just pierced skin from the tip of a vibro blade.

“Not terrible. You just need a bacta patch.”

You grabbed one from the kit and got on your knees in front of him so you were eye level with his hip.

Kylo’s breath caught in his throat and looked at the ceiling. 

Okay, sure, it was a rather provocative position.

_Focus, Yara._

You gently ran a cloth over the wound, cleaning out the sweat and dirt. Deftly, you applied the bacta with your fingers, your touch leaving goosebumps in its wake on Kylo’s skin. After placing the patch you slowly stood, eyes meeting his as your chests touched once again. 

“Thank you,” Kylo whispered. 

“You’re welcome,” you said. It came out breathier than you wanted it to. You couldn’t help it. The closeness made you dizzy.

You looked into each other’s eyes. A million words spoken by just a simple glance. You had been through so much. Everything you wanted to say was caught in your throat. The same went for him. Kylo swallowed thickly.

“Yara, I-”

You couldn’t take it anymore.

You grabbed the sides of his face and brought his lips to your own. Hungry for him. For his touch. 

Kylo immediately responded, wrapping his arms around you as he crushed you against his bare chest, skin against skin. Your body sang at the points of connection, no physical barrier keeping you from feeling his warmth. 

You bit down on his lower lip, causing a feral moan to leave Kylo’s mouth. You felt it vibrate in his chest against you, stirring your insides into a total frenzy.

His hands ran along your bare torso, up your back and down your sides. 

“I want you,” you whispered feverishly against his mouth. Kylo didn’t hesitate, reaching down to pick you up, wrapping your legs around his torso. 

“Bed,” you murmured as you tangled your hands in his soft rave hair.

Kylo’s mouth didn’t leave your as he hurried to the bedroom. He slowly lowered you down onto the bed, hands at your waistline as he looked at you for permission. You nodded frantically, needing him to rip every inch of clothing off your body.

Kylo’s fingers hooked into your body suit at your waist and slowly peeled the fabric down your body, exposing the flesh of your long legs. 

He threw your clothing off the bed and sat back, taking you in as you laid back against your pillows in just your bra and underwear. He breathed heavily as you reached behind you to unhook your breast band. 

Seductively, you slid it off your body and threw it onto the floor, revealing your bare chest to him. 

His lips parted as he inhaled deeply, overtaken with your presence. His posture was rigid. Nervous. As if he was scared you’d suddenly disappear if he looked away for only a moment. You wondered if he had ever been with a woman like this. Jealousy flared in your core at the mere thought.

Kylo moaned again at the flash of your emotions. He _liked_ that you were jealous. It fueled the passionate Force swirling around him.

“Never,” he said hoarsely. “Just you.”

His confession made your heart sing and protectiveness rage. He was yours. Only yours. 

Kylo crawled back over you, taking in your exposed flesh with hungry eyes, unsure of what to do next. 

“Touch me,” you whispered, grabbing his hand and placing it over your tender breast. Kylo groaned at the contact, his eyes shutting as he kneaded the soft skin there. 

His head lowered to your neck, lips brushing over your pulse as his fingertip brushed over your taut nipple, sending shivers throughout your entire body. His thumb continued to stroke you as he kissed his way down, over your collarbone and down your chest until they met where his fingers once were. Softly, his tongue swept over you, eliciting a gasp from your throat as you closed your eyes and pressed your chest into his mouth. 

His tongue continued to massage you there, soon switching to the other side, giving your breast the same attention as the other. 

“Kylo,” you moaned as his tongue became more confident. “Kylo…”

You yelped as his teeth nipped at you, sending shockwaves to your brain. His hand brushed down your stomach to the base of your panties.

“Yes,” you breathed as his fingers dipped under, playing along the seam as your pelvis. “Don’t stop.”

His hand went deeper under your panties, gliding down until his fingers met the warm flesh of your core. Kylo groaned at the contact, his forehead resting against your chest as his eyes squeezed closed. He softly began to stroke you, fingertips brushing over your lips.

“You’re so wet,” he stammered out as he began to rub you faster, taking your nipple back into his mouth.

The sensation was unbelievable as he worked the most sensitive parts of your body. Whimpers escaped your lips as he rubbed you harder. His lips closed over your nipple, giving it another nip before he began to kiss down your body, slowly making his way down to where his hands disappeared under your panties. 

He removed his hand and brought both to your sides, looking up at you, silently asking permission. Again, you nodded frantically, begging him to take them off.

He did. Slowly peeling them back to reveal the most intimate part of you. 

“Holy shit, Yara,” Kylo sighed as he nuzzled his nose against your wet lips.

“Please,” you whimpered, body shaking in anticipation. “Please.”

Kylo breathed you in, fingers moving to part your folds as he exhaled onto you, causing you to squirm. You practically convulsed when his tongue slowly swiped from your opening to your clit.

“Ah!” 

Your vision blurred as his deft tongue began to massage your clit, swirling delicate circles around you. Your legs shook at his ministrations, clouding your vision as the pressure at your core began to build and tighten. Kylo licked harder, quickening his pace as he felt you squirm underneath him.

“Don’t stop,” you gasped. “Don’t stop.”

Kylo growled against you, his voice vibrating your heat as he kept his pace. The coil inside you wound so tightly you thought you were going to explode. The second you felt the tip of his finger tickle your opening and slowly glide deep inside of you, it was over. Your pleasure peaked, reaching the top of the mountain before slowly crashing over the side, taking you with it completely undone.

You moaned and moaned as you spilled over the edge for what felt like forever until Kylo stopped his teasing and climbed up your body, smashing his mouth against yours. You could taste yourself on his lips, feeding your sex drive even further as you ached for the rest of him. 

Reaching down, you found the seam of his pants and fumbled at the buttons. Undoing them one by one, you finally pushed his trousers down his hips, allowing his swollen member to spring free. Kylo kicked them off the rest of his body, _finally_ allowing you to glimpse at what you had been craving for so long. 

Your eyes widened as you took his entire exposed body hovering over you. This man was sculpted by the Gods. Chiseled to perfection. Everything about him was utterly massive.

 _And I mean_ **_everything._ **

You reached down between you where his cock rested on your stomach and took it in your hand, gripping onto it softly.

A gasp escaped Kylo’s lips as his eyes shut, involuntarily thrusting further into your fists.

“Do you know what you do to me?” he whispered huskily as you began to stroke him. His breath caught in his throat as he buried his head in the space between your neck and shoulder. “Oh my god, Yara.”

You began pumping him faster, the smooth skin silky against your palm.

“Yara-! _Unnhh_.”

“I need you inside me,” you mumbled seductively into his ear. Kylo nodded furiously, pulling his cock away and positioning himself at your opening. His entire body settled against yours as you felt the tip brush against you. Shockwaves spiraled throughout your limbs at the sensation. It was too good to be true. You laid there, completely at a loss. He was here. With you. After all that had happened, he still wanted to be with you.

“I thought you’d hate me.”

Kylo stopped, pulling away to look at you, confusion written in his eyes.

_Shit._

You didn’t mean to say that out loud. It had just slipped out. It was just… you were so _ridiculously_ happy you could hardly believe it. After what you had done. Before you killed Snoke you didn’t know what to expect from Kylo. The fact that it was _this_ blew your mind. 

“What?”

You looked away, embarrassed at your outburst. 

“I- I-”

“Yara,” Kylo caressed your chin and turned your face back to his. “Talk to me.”

You were so nervous, so scared. You had to fight for the words to come out.

“I just- I lied to you. Kept secrets. Killed your master… Snoke was everything to you… and I- I didn’t know what you’d think. How you’d react. I expected the worst.”

Kylo’s brow furrowed as he titled his head to the side in contemplation. You continued your stammering.

“But I knew- I _knew_ no matter the consequences I had to do it. Kylo, I- I had to,” tears began to well in your eyes as you recalled the emotions from that paramount moment. “And if you hated me, I thought I’d be okay with it. Because at least you’d be safe. Free to be your own person. Free to lead. To bring order to the galaxy. You’d be _alive_ , and I told myself that’d be enough. But it’s _not._ Kylo, I- I just- I _need_ you.”

“Yara,” Kylo whispered. Tears fell down your cheeks as you sniffled up at him. “Yara,” he said again as he gently wiped your tears with a tender finger. 

“Kylo, I’m sorry,” you sobbed, closing your eyes. “I’m so sorry. I’m so-”

“I love you.”

Time stopped. 

Your eyes flew open in shock, finding him immediately. A beautiful vulnerability painted his features as he looked down adoringly at you.

“Wha- What?”

His thumb caressed your cheek.

“I love you, Yara.”

Your heart hammered in your chest as new tears made their way to your eyes. 

“The moment I felt you in the Force I knew. I thought it was weakness. I tried to stamp it out. But you kept working your way in. You fascinated me. Overwhelmed me. Enraged me. Enlightened me. Believed in me.”

Kylo swallowed thickly, his voice low and velvet with meaning.

“When that guard charged at you, I’ve never been so scared. Yara, life without you is meaningless. You are everything to me.”

Kylo paused as you looked up at him in complete awe. Lost in the revelation of his sweet words.. 

“I love you with everything I am.”

“Kylo,” you breathed heavily as your shaking hand found the side of his face, fingertips brushing over his scar as your teary eyes took in his entire face. “I love you too.”

Kylo inhaled sharply. His misty eyes widened, lip quivering with the raw emotion your words brought him. The Force swirled around you as you made your innermost secret known. Saying out loud what you could never admit to yourself before. You had known it all along.

He exhaled harshly, as if he could hardly believe it.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

He absolutely melted on top of you, sinking down onto you as his forehead rested against yours. His tears falling and mixing with your own.

“Say it again.”

“I’m in love with you.”

You gasped as you felt his rock solid member tease the opening between your legs. Slowly, the tip spread your folds, inching its way inside of you.

“Again,” he commanded, voice deep and husky with need.

“I love you,” you whimpered as his thick cock pushed deeper. “I love you. I love you. I love- Ah!”

Kylo thrusted his hips forward, burying his entire self inside of you with a needy groan that sent sparks shooting throughout your body. He completely filled you, stretching your core to its maximum capacity. You moaned as he began to pull out, only to thrust back into you. 

“Oh, _Kyyylooo_ -”

He moved inside of you, slow and tender, taking you in entirely, not missing a single moment of this heartstopping union, forehead stilled pressed against yours. 

“Again.”

“I love you,” you cried as he moved faster, his large hand clutching at your hip as the other held your face. Your body quivered at the blissful sensation of his body moving against you as your legs began to shake in complete ecstasy.

“Yara,” Kylo grunted as he thrusted faster. Your vision blurred as the pleasure began to build. 

“Harder,” you begged and moaned. “Please!”

He did as you told, his movements quickening as you raised your hips to meet his. 

“Fuck,” he grunted, utterly lost in you. 

The Force was electric as it swirled around you, ebbing and flowing with every movement of your connected bodies. It filled your chest with warmth as his cock hit that glorious spot inside of you as you yelped at the immense sensation. 

In that moment, your mind opened completely, intertwining with his in a way you had never experienced before. You felt his pleasure as if it were your own, amplifying your heightened awareness of his body inside yours. Together, the shared euphoria grew, climbing its way higher and higher as it reached its peak. Stars exploded behind your eyes as you threw your head back and clutched onto him. Kylo’s fingers dug into your hips as he thrusted into you one more time, burying himself as far as he could before toppling over the edge. Together, you moaned as it exploded, sending you into a utopian bliss that tore your mind apart.

Sweaty and breathless, Kylo collapsed on top of you, chests heaving against each other in beautiful unison. He tenderly kissed your neck as you came down from the most incredible orgasm you’d ever had in your life. 

You hugged him against you as you caught your breath, basking in the afterglow of utter bliss.

“That was insane.”

Kylo chuckled into your shoulder, pulling back to look deep into your eyes. You stared back, completely at a loss for words. 

You loved him. You loved this man so fiercely it was overwhelming. 

“I love you too,” Kylo murmured, brushing his fingers down your cheek. You smiled, giddy with happiness as you pressed your lips against his.

Eventually, Kylo rolled off of you, settling next to you on his side. Pulling the blankets over your bodies, he propped his head comfortable on his fist, lips curved up as he watched you. 

“What?”

Kylo’s cheeks, rosy from exertion, reddened even deeper. 

“I just can’t believe you’re real.”

You giggled, turning on your side to face to mirror his position. 

“I’m real and I’m yours.”

“I want you to be more than simply mine.”

You tilted your head to the side.

“I don’t see how that’s possible.”

Kylo swallowed, becoming suddenly nervous as he watched you. 

“Lead the First Order with me.”

Your eyes widened and you scoffed. “Kylo, I don’t know how to lead. I just know how to fight.”

“That’s not true.”

“You’re the Supreme Leader. I’m just an assassin.”

“I want us to be more than that.”

 _More than_ **_that_ ** _? What was more than being the Supreme Leader?_

“Yara,” Kylo whispered. “Rule with me. Stand by my side. As equals.”

You breath hitched at the implication. 

“Yara. Be my Empress.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfghjkl
> 
> i was so nervous posting this you have no idea. 
> 
> LET ME HEAR IT IN THE COMMENTS
> 
> ily


	17. Hux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The door suddenly wooshed open, revealing a stone-faced Hux. 
> 
> He said nothing. 
> 
> “Um. Hi.”
> 
> Again, silence.
> 
> “We need to talk.”
> 
> “I have nothing to say to you.”
> 
> Hux went to reach for the button to the door before you hurriedly stepped in past him.
> 
> “Get out.”
> 
> “No!” you spun around to face him in his quarters. “I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! Sorry for disappearing. Life got a little hectic. Promise I won't leave you hanging this long ever again. New developments happen this chapter, very dialogue heavy, setting y'all up for the good stuff coming next!!!!

“Empress?”

“Yes.”

_That’s… intense._

“I want things to be different. Different from Snoke. I’m afraid ‘Supreme Leader’ has a rather negative connotation due to him. Things need to change.”

 _Emperor Kylo Ren._ It had a nice ring to it. 

“As does Empress Yara Scott.”

A shiver ran up your spine hearing him say that outloud. It was so official. So profound. So unlike you.

“Yara. You have the skills to lead. I’ve seen it.”

“Kylo, I’ve never been in charge of anyone. Only myself.”

“And look how well you’ve managed that.” You chuckled, unsure of what to think. 

“I don’t know…”

“What are your reservations,” Kylo asked softly.

_I mean…_

“It’s just… a lot.”

“I know.”

“This wasn’t what I had in mind when I took Snoke out of the picture.”

“But it’s exactly what the galaxy needs. Two sovereign leaders, _partners_ , intentionally ruling their empire. Not an evil overlord hungry for power.”

“Is that what I am,” you smiled. “Your _partner_?”

Kylo blushed. “If you’ll have me,” he said sheepishly.

Oh, how you loved this man. 

“Of course I’ll have you, idiot,” your smile widened as you playfully pushed his shoulder. “I love you.”

Kylo smiled back at you as he draped his arm across your waist, pulling you in closer to plant a kiss on your lips. 

“And I love you,” he whispered. “So, is that a yes?”

You sighed deeply, nuzzling his nose with yours. “I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be. You’ll be incredible.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I know you.”

You couldn’t argue with that, no matter how much you doubted yourself. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll be your Empress.”

Kylo beamed as he threw his arms around you, pulling you into his strong arms and smothering your face with kisses as you shrieked with laughter. 

“Thank you,” he said, nuzzling into your shoulder.

“But only under one condition.”

“Anything,” he murmured.

“We get Hux on our side.”

Kylo pulled back immediately, his face dropping. 

“Anything but that.”

“Kylo!”

“Whyyyy,” he whined. 

“Because! We need him. You can’t deny that.”

“Yes I can.”

You shot him a glaring look. “That’s my condition.”

“And if I say no?”

You gave him your best pouty puppy dog eyes. “Can you really say no to me?”

Kylo let out an exaggerated sigh. “No,” he grumbled. “Fine.”

“Yay!” 

Kylo rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t know what you see in him.”

“He’s a valuable asset, Kylo.”

“He’s a rabid curr.”

“Oh, come on.”

“He likes you.”

“I like him too!”

“No,” Kylo grumbled. “He _likes_ you.”

“Oh, _please_ ,” you rolled your eyes. “He does not.”

“I’ve seen it.”

“We have a mutual respect, Kylo. Well… probably not anymore.”

“He has much more than respect for you.”

“He hates me right now.”

“He wants you.”

“Oh my god, Kylo.”

You probably should’ve been annoyed, but his possessiveness was too endearing.

“I promise there’s nothing to worry about.”

“It’s not _you_ I’m worried about,” he snarled. 

You sighed dramatically. “Fine. If he tries anything I’ll kill him myself. How’s that?”

Kylo paused, working his lips between his teeth. 

“I can live with that.”

“Thank you,” you smiled, leaning in to kiss him softly. “I love you.”

Kylo pulled you closer, locking you in his embrace. “And I love you.”

You cupped his cheek and smiled. “Let’s go then.”

“Go where?”

“To talk to Hux!”

Kylo’s hold on you tightened. “No.”

“Kylo!”

“Not yet,” he said seductively as he crawled back over top of you. 

You inhaled sharply as you felt his naked body press against yours, stoking the fire in your belly once again. 

He kissed you passionately. You didn’t hesitate to let his mouth consume you.

“Mmm,” you moaned against him. 

“Let me worship you,” he whispered against your lips. “I want to make you come undone.” He kissed down your neck, his hands exploring your body. “Make you scream my name so the entire galaxy knows who you belong to.”

You shivered as his lips ghosted across your collarbone.

“Let me love you.”

You groaned at his seductive tone, already gasping for breath at his touch. 

“Then will you be satisfied?” you gasped as he nipped at you.

Kylo chuckled below you, his lips caressing the place over your heart.

“I’ll never be satisfied.”

_Fuck, he’s good._

“I can’t say no to that.”

*

*

*

Multiple hours, orgasms, and one shower later, you stood outside Hux’s door, ready for round two of trying to get him to talk.

Kylo and you decided it best for you to go in alone at first, quell Hux’s anger (hopefully) and then bring Kylo in after the initial battle had settled. You agreed his initial presence wouldn’t help things. And you were happy to play mediator between the two bull-headed men, as long as it meant you got what you wanted. 

_Do I knock or-?_

The door suddenly _wooshed_ open, revealing a stone-faced Hux. 

He said nothing. 

“Um. Hi.”

Again, silence.

“We need to talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

Hux went to reach for the button to the door before you hurriedly stepped in past him.

“Get out.”

“No!” you spun around to face him in his quarters. “I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen.”

Hux scoffed. “You’re hardly in the position to give me orders.”

“Don’t be so sure.”

Hux raised an eyebrow.

“Listen. I understand if you hate me or whatever, but I did what needed to be done. I had to do it, Hux.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to look you in the eye.

“I understand your allegiance to Snoke was strong. He was your master just as much as he was Kylo’s, but he wouldn’t have hesitated to kill you the second your usefulness ran dry.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“He wanted me to kill him, Hux. He wanted me to kill Kylo.”

It was then Hux finally looked at you. 

“I couldn’t. You have to understand. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t. After all Kylo sacrificed for him. A lifetime of torture and cruelty. It meant nothing to him. And he would’ve killed me just as quickly if I had refused.”

Hux’s face softened at this, contemplation replacing the ever-present scowl. 

“We are better off without him.”

“How do you know?”

You sighed. How did you know?

“I just… I just do. I don’t know how to explain it. But now _we_ have the chance to create something new. Something better.”

“We?” Hux questioned.

“Yes. We. Kylo and I want you by our side.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“We need you, Hux.”

“And if I refuse?”

You bit your lip and stepped closer to him. “I don’t even want to think about that.”

Hux nodded. “He would kill me.”

“I’d never let that happen,” you snapped. 

It was Hux’s turn to step closer, his face merely a foot away from yours.

“What do you see in him?”

“What?”

Hux furrowed his brow, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

“What do you see in Ren that you don’t-” Hux stopped and took a deep breath. “That you don’t see in… others.”

_Oh, Hux._

You felt unbelievably sad at his words. You knew what he implied, and you couldn’t bring yourself to hurt him, but you couldn’t lie to him. You wouldn’t. Not if you needed his trust.

“We’re connected in the Force. Bonded. He is a part of my soul as much as I am his. I love him.”

Hux deflated. “You love him.”

“Yes. I do.”

He nodded slowly, accepting the harsh reality of your words. 

“You believe in him that much? Enough to commit treason against the entire Order?”

“Yes.”

You reached out and cupped his cheek in your hand.

“And I care for you. I need you by our side.”

Hux’s blush deepened at your touch as his eyes closed, sinking into your palm as his hand came to rest on top of yours. He sighed deeply, taking in the moment of rare affection. 

“Okay.”

Your heart quickened. “Okay?’

His eyes opened. “I will stand with you.”

You beamed at him, a massive smile spreading across your face as you jumped into his arms, gathering him into the biggest hug you could muster. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, his head resting against your shoulder as he inhaled deeply. 

“But let’s be clear,” he pulled back to look at you. “I’m doing this for you. Not for him.”

“I can live with that.”

Hux smiled, causing yours to grow as you looked at him fondly. Hux sighed as he took in your face, you felt happiness radiate from him as he reached up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear. Kylo would kill him if he saw, but you’d allow this solitary act of affection. He would stand by you, and you’d never be able to thank him enough. Not in the way he wanted, but he’d settle for this moment. 

“Thank you, Hux.” You tilted your head up to place a gentle kiss on his cheek. Hux’s eyes widened as he cleared his throat. You giggled. “Don’t tell Kylo.”

Hux shook his head as he stepped away from you. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

***

“Hux.” Kylo stated plainly.

“Ren.” Hux grit through his teeth. 

The three of you sat at a table in a conference room, preparing to establish what was to come next. 

“Thank you for meeting with us,” Kylo said, trying his hardest to act cordial. You made him promise he wouldn’t be an asshole and ruin your hard work. “Let’s begin.”

Hux nodded. “I have agreed to stand by your side, but I need to know what’s in it for me.”

Kylo’s fist clenched, the only indicator of his distaste for this man. You could already feel his frustration building. You placed a hand on his knee to remind him of his promise to you. 

“You waste no time.”

“I don’t see a point in beating around the bush.”

“Very well,” Kylo scowled. “I understand your late father was a four-star general, much like yourself.”

“He was hardly a father, but yes. We do share the same rank. Well, we _did._ ”

“But he was unable to rise to the highest rank of general due to his _untimely_ death,” Kylo said accusingly. 

It was common knowledge that Hux had murdered his father. You had heard whispers around the ship and Kylo had confirmed it. Patricide was a rather common theme in the First Order.

Hux’s stare hardened. “It would seem so.”

Tension filled the air. You stepped in to quell the unease.

“We are prepared to do that for you. Give you the title he never had. That of a five-star general.”

Hux’s eyebrows raised in shock, clearly not expecting such an act of kindness. 

“Really?”

“Yes,” you smiled. “Really.”

Hux contemplated this. “I _do_ like the sound of that.”

You giggled softly, amused at his excitement. You could feel Kylo’s distaste at your reaction but he’d just have to deal with it. 

“Five-stars, eh?” Hux spoke. “Higher than my father ever was.”

“Yes,” Kylo responded. “And you will go down in history as the new Empire’s first.”

“Empire?” Hux looked confused. 

“I am to be Emperor. And Yara my Empress.”

Hux’s eyes shot to yours and you nodded. 

“I was not aware of that.”

“Well, you are now,” Kylo growled. Hux sent Kylo a deathly glare before looking back to you, sorrow written in his eyes. You hoped Kylo didn’t notice. But of course he did. You felt rage stir in him at Hux’s thoughts of you. You tried your best to ignore it. 

“So?” you spoke up. “What do you say?”

Hux cleared his throat and nodded. “I say there’s a lot of work to be done.”

“That we can agree on,” Kylo said. 

“First thing’s first, we must make an announcement to the entire galaxy of this new arrangement. Announce the Supreme Lead- _Snoke’s_ death and declare your new reign.” 

“Agreed.”

“We’ll do a galaxy-wide broadcast on the holonet. Everyone must know. Especially the Resistance. We need to put on a united front of intimidation.”

You nodded excitedly, dreaming of their reaction to these new developments. 

“We’ll also of course announce your engagement and the time of the wedding, as well as the coronation ceremony, which I advise we do as soon as possible. It would be smart to kill two birds with one stone and do them at the same time. A 'coronation wedding,' if you will.”

_Um. Huh?_

Engagement? Wedding?

“Excuse me, what?”

Hux and Kylo looked at you, confused at your confusion. 

“I’m sure I heard you wrong. You said _wedding?_ ”

“Yes,” Hux responded. 

You were completely at a loss for words. When the fuck did this become a thing?

“What do you think ‘Emperor’ and ‘Empress’ implied?” Kylo asked.

“I don’t know! Not exactly that!”

“As I said,” Hux spoke. “It is vital to show you are a united front. It would be smart to broadcast this as well.”

“Good idea,” Kylo nodded. “It will give a more personal touch. Generate an emotional reaction from the galaxy.”

Your head spun.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down a second. I never agreed to this!”

Kylo seemed hurt at your words. “When you said you’d be my Empress you agreed-”

“Either I’m hearing you wrong, or this is the worst proposal in the history of the galaxy!” You yelled as you stood from your chair. “I- I need a moment.”

You turned and exited the room, anger swelling in the base of your stomach. 

_Marriage? I mean, what the fuck?_ **_This_ ** _is how he asks me?_

You didn’t have the slightest clue about how it all worked but it wasn’t like _this._ You never imagined you’d _ever_ get married, and you weren’t necessarily opposed to it, but _come on!_ You knew enough to know that this was the shittiest proposal of all time.

You needed time. Time to think. Broadcast to the entire galaxy? That was absolutely terrifying. If you had _known_ what that meant when he asked you to be his Empress, would you have answered differently? You weren’t sure. Maybe you were. You _did_ want to spend the rest of your life with him, but this was all too much. 

You needed time. Space. You were angry. 

Hux and Kylo watched as you stormed out of the room. 

“Well, that could’ve gone better,” Hux gleefully quipped.

“You think?!”

“I mean _really,_ Ren? Not even a proposal?”

“Shut the fuck up.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Kylo. You done fucked up. 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments! Once again, hearing from you guys gives me LIFE and the motivation to make this the best story I can. 
> 
> Until next time <3


End file.
